Ok so can you explain a bar mitzvah to me ?

Question

Ok so I was invited to a friends bar mitzvah -- can you explain what it is ?

Also what do I give him and what do I wear ?

Sorry I must sound stupid. But hey, I know its something Jewish !(=

Answer 1

Ignore the idiot talking about foreskins ;)

Not knowing whether the congregation is Orthodox, Conservative, or Reform, it's a little hard to say what the ceremony will be like.

If it's Orthodox (which I'm guessing it won't be), men and women sit separately.  Dress as you would for church or to go to a nice event (not formal, just a dress or skirt set that's presentable).  Try not to wear a skirt above your knee or a sleeveless top.  The service will be almost entirely in Hebrew, and your friend may only have a small role - reading from the Torah and making a speech (mostly in English).  Prayer books will have both Hebrew and English.

If it's Conservative, your friend may do more than just read from the Torah and making a speech... he may even be leading some or all of the service.  It will be mostly in Hebrew, with some English.  Prayer books will have both Hebrew and English.  Dress the same as you would for Orthodox services.

If it's Reform, he may have even less of a role than Orthodox or Conservative - saying a blessing at the Torah possibly reading a chapter from it, maybe leading a prayer or two, and then the speech.  This is not always the case - some Reform bar mitzvahs do as much as they do in Conservative synagogues.  But it's not as common.  The prayers will be in a mix of Hebrew and English, with a lot more English than you'll hear at Conservative or Orthodox services.  There may be music as well.  Dress nicely, but pants and shorter skirts are allowed if you prefer them.  Most girls tend to dress up, though, because how many chances do you get to show off? ;)

If you're not sure if it's Orthodox, Conservative, or Reform, ask your friend.  Otherwise, a good tip-off is that most Reform shuls are called Temples.  So if the invite says "Temple" Whatever, it's a safe bet that it's Reform.  



There will be a "Kiddush" after services - basically a small reception with cake and other food.  It's right after services, so you won't have time to change clothes.  Then there is often an additional party, either at the synagogue or someplace else, often later that evening or the next day.  If you're bringing a present, that's the best time to bring it.  The dress code will vary depending on what type of party it is - it should say on the invitation what's expected.  Some are semi-formal and glitzy, some are laid-back with pizza and video games - you may have to ask your friend.  If there's no extra party, beyond what's at the synagogue, then just pick a nice outfit that's comfortable enough to enjoy yourself in.

As far as a gift goes, give something you would want to receive.  While it's a Jewish event, and some people will be giving Jewish gifts, the truth is it's also like a birthday party, and your friend will appreciate it more if you give something you know he'll like.  While grown-ups traditionally give money (usually in multiples of 18, for luck), that's mostly because grown-ups don't know what a 13 year old kid would like and they figure who doesn't like cash.  I would go with an iTunes gift card, or a gift certificate to your local movie theater, or something else that seems like a good 13th-birthday gift.  You're his friend, not his aunt :)

Hope that helps - have a great time and don't be afraid to ask questions about anything.

Answer 2

I had no idea what to get for a recent bar mitzvah so I gave him a gift card from a store where I thought he could find something he'd like.

It's the culmination of many years of study in order to learn Hebrew and to be given the honor for the first time to lead the service and to read from the Torah scroll.  You won't understand what he's reading, but I hope you can appreciate the work that has gone into his accomplishment!

A big party is only a recent innovation.  In the past, it was simply a ceremony indicating that he had become an adult and was assuming the obligations of all adult Jews.

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Answer 3

A Bar (or Bat for a girl) Mizvah is when a Jewish boy enters the fold of Judaism and is considered a member of the congregation. The Bar Mizvah is generally divided into two parts, the Torah reading and a party, although some people don't have one or the other.

A Jewish boy is called to read from the Torah scroll at synagogue or he may just read a blessing. Depends on how traditional the family is.

Then there is a party.

I belong to an Orthodox community in Israel so I don't know excatly what you should expect at your friend's Bar Mizvah but I would suggest that you just ask your friend what exactly you are invited to (you might just be invited to the party) what to wear etc.

I don't know what is cosumary to bring.

Congratulations.

Answer 4

It means "son of obligation"...meaning that the boy reaching the age of 13 becomes fully responsible to observe the commandments of the Torah.

Many people think of it as a ceremony and have a party.  Neither are necessary...just a ploy to get some cash.  

The gift part is up to you, sorry.

Answer 5

Basically a bunch of people read old scrolls and speak hebrew.  Your friend is invited to read a portion of the the scroll and maybe give a little speech explaining what he read and its religious significance.  The rabbi says more prayers and blessings, and then everyone goes to a ballroom and there's a party.

Wear something formal to the religious part of the ceremony, the same stuff you wear to church.  Afterword, there should be time to put on something a little more casual, but still semi-formal.