Ok so i grew up in a very negative environemnt....?

Question

I am an Indian and grew up in the capital New Delhi, my mother died when i was 10 and was left with my father and 3 year old brother. I had no emotional contact or affection with a female member while growing up (not to my fault) beacuse all my relatives never cared. I lived ina joint family where my dad's brothers wife made my life miserable, she always used to ignore and made me feel that i am worthless, she would make my relatives hate me and took them on her side, she always hated my dad. I think she had apersonality disorder and was always jealous, uncaring and me feel wothless. I was made to feel worthless by each and every person. My father never cared or showed affection towrads me, my brother was always the center of attention. I was ignored. growing up i always felt that there is something wrong with me and i dont deserve to be loved. I was always left alone at home because dad didnt really like being with a daughter, i was not taken out and socialised. I felt like an alien

Answer 1

Sounds like you've had a tough time and need to make a new and better life for yourself away from people who don't value you or treat you well.

If it is possible for you to move out of the family home and take a job in another city, perhaps boarding with any distant relative of your mother, you could look into doing that as a way to begin a new and different life for yourself.

You realise that you have emotional and psychological issues, which is great because it means you are open to resolving them, and you should take any opportunity you can to do so.

Life CAN be a joyful affair, and love is waiting to be found ~ although not always romantic love.

You can find a circle of friends, people to care about you and people you care about, by joining in some group or activity which will involve you with others.

In this way you may also find out other ways to live which could be of benefit to you.

While it is very difficult to proceed with this burden of your life, you must continue because if you stop things will never change and you will always remain where you are now!

You can also talk online to someone anonymously, confidentially and for free. I've put a link below that you may choose to get in contact with and find new friends and people to talk with.

Take care and best wishes :-)

Answer 2

oh yeah it sucks i know how does it feel. i was about there too. life must be unfair huh?

my family too, had been hating me so much.  it's good to know i have a home, but i never felt like there's family. i had always been invisible, even though I'm always there.  they could ignore me like i had never existed. maybe my story isn't great as yours, but believe me, i know how you feel. i lost my confidence, blame my existence, don't know why i'm here on this earth, and if not for the sake of thinking that staying eternally in h**l at hereafter...

i would've commited suicide at 10.

there are  stories but no room here.

as time goes by,  I developed myself NOT THROUGH FAMILY but mostly affected by school life and bullies. it's hellish painful, but that's where I learn to be stronger, have more confidence and optimistic.

and that's where my family started to notice me.

honestly, that's a hypocrisy.

how could i developed so well? through the pains, stupidities after stupidities.. i learn but never felt happy. unlike some people, ignored by family but uplifted by peers, ignored by friends but appreciated by family.. meanwhile for me, i have nobody. the person i could ever talk to then was only my maid.

the first time i know the word LOVE was since i got close to God. when  i could love God, i could love myself, from there i could love people, and that was when i learn to  forgive and the bright side of my life seems to find its beginning. people are hypocrites and we just can't handle it. therefore, with love to God that i could find my strength to draw each of my steps with happiness,I moved on with this life and believe me, don't give up, or you'll end in regrets.

thank God, for not what has happened to me, i might won't realize the fact that even our own family can ignore and hate us for our own weakness, pessimism, passive, submissive attitudes. i was hated by all; peers (except the weakie bullied type), teachers and even family. but why the same with family? coz they're people, who didn't learn enough the subject of family, love and compassion.

maybe God spares the love from the people around you for His love. maybe He wants you to realize on His love to you while letting the others blindfolded by beauties in this world out of their own arrogance. believe, that God always listen to you. He will never ignore the prayers of the hurt ones. live life, find the truth, seek for God's love on you, love God, and be loved.

and let me know if you wanna talk.

be loved and all the best! :)

Answer 3

If you want your future, forget your past.

Answer 4

well...since you experienced such trauma...i wouldnt doubt it would be possible to rectify the situation.

Study up on mental health, esp BPD..getting an understanding of it could probably help you nip it in the bud.

Also check out alternative medicines like neurofeedback to help retrain and rebalance the brain..and hypnosis to help plant more positive seeds into your subconscious

Good luck on your journey, btw, did you also post this in the psy section? You might get better feedback there

Answer 5

Find a really good female friend. We will show you affection. Not every women is like that but most are. I have a lot of guy friends that come to me when they have a problem because at least I listen and try to fix the problem.

Answer 6

Everyone has difficulties through out life, some more so than others.  You have to pick up the pieces and move on.  If you feel you need to join a support group or seek a therapist or counselor, then do so.  But there are MANY people who's lives are worse than yours.  A student at my school saw her parents get shot and killed in their home when she was 4 years old...she was then left there for more than 24 hours with their dead bodies.  Anytime I think life gets though, I think of her.  It brings things into perspective.

Answer 7

I am very sorry you had such a hard life.

I know what its like to have someone betray my trust - my trust as a child - and then to turn relatives against me - my mother did this.  To this day my aunt won't speak to me,  yet won't tell me why.  Its been like this since I was 13.  I am now 47.

I have also felt the brunt of sexism, where boys are more valued than girls.  Girl children are considered second-class citizens.  Nobody cares about them: they don't need an education because they're only going to get married and make babies anyway.  Right?  Waste of resources.  Now the boys, well... boys of course need an education!

I got my own.

You are no doubt severely depressed.  At least you can get that under control with drugs.  Ask your doctor, or the psychiatrist who diagnose you,  about antidepressants.    

They can help a lot.  If the ones you get don't work, go back to him and get a prescription for another kind.  Keep trying, never give up until something works.  Once you get your depression under control you will be better able to see more clearly, and will be in a better position to take control of your life and do something useful with it.

I know borderline is a hard diagnosis:

"Risk factors for BPD include abandonment issues in childhood or adolescence, sexual abuse, disrupted family life, and poor communication within the family. This personality disorder tends to occur more often in women and among hospitalized psychiatric patients."

Treatment

"Self-destructive behavior can be changed in social and therapeutic environments such as group therapy. Peer reinforcement of appropriate behavior may be more successful than one-on-one counseling because difficulties with authority figures often prevent learning in such situations. Group therapy can also be helpful in modifying specific impulsive behaviors.

Medications can help to level mood swings and to treat depression or other disorders which may accompany this condition."

Don't let the illness define you,

I wish you all the best.