Ok so low s*x drive is normal...now how do I get my bf to stop taking it so personally and leave me alone!!!?

Question

I appreciate all the answers I figured low s*x drive was rather normal with all the hormone changes and what not, but I still don’t know what to do…

My bf is getting really mad at me about it! I tried explaining that it was hormones and that it’ll prolly go away. I told him we could and should and I would address it with my doc at my first appt next week…but he doesn’t care, he is taking it SO personally!

I told him that we could try other forms of intimacy but he wants nothing to do with that and to be honest neither do I. I have not even an inkling of interest in anything sexual at all. I do want cuddling and kissing and am really starting to miss that, but he wont even go there with me because he cant “get sum azz” as he puts it!

Normally he is a very understanding and sweet guy, so Im starting to get really mad at him for not understanding. He is being a complete jerk and constantly making comments about it!

This is really starting to affect our relationship – and I have NO idea how to fix this!!

Any suggestions?

Answer 1

This is a tough one. This kind of thing ruins many relationships, because most people look at s*x as a deep need.

Can you watch him m********e while you talk dirty to him? This takes hardly any effort on your part.

You could possibly have a vascular problem, which can be addressed with medication.

Maybe you're really a L*****n? I don't mean that to be insulting, but it is one of the possibilities.

Good luck.

Answer 2

It's exactly as conceptual said.  As a guy, we think of it this way, cuddling and kissing for you is your equivalent of s*x in our minds, so if you're not putting out, why in the h**l should we?

As a guy, I can't see it from your perspective, which I'm sure is valid, but s*x is very important to us and no matter how many times you say it and how many languages you say it in, we will equate your want to have s*x and your emotional connection to us.  If you're not in the mood, we are going to take it personally.  That's just the way it is.

I guess it's common in all relationships, because I went through the same thing with my wife.  She's pretty organized and she actually made a s*x schedule for herself with blowjobs and all and it didn't matter what she was doing and how in the mood she was, but at that point and time she did whatever the schedule said and not in a moody "i don't really want to do this way", but she put a lot of effort into it.  And after a while, she didn't need the schedule anymore.  Maybe you should try that?

Answer 3

I was in the same situation i didn't even want him near me... And everyone kept telling me you "you spread your legs to get pregnant now spread to make your man happy" i don't care what anyone says if you are not in the mood then it isn't going to feel good for me since i didn't want it the time i actually gave in hurt super bad... my husband and i fought all the time he thought i didn't love him anymore. but honestly with me it went away around like the 6th month and now i want it all the time. Tell him to just hang in there and makes sure he knows that you do really love him and that right now your just miserable and its not just him.

Answer 4

Well, the fact of the matter is: you do need to give him s*x. People will freak but you know what, if you want a marriage to work - you need to have s*x - regularly. You have got to er...suck it up so to speak and put the moves on him. He probably isn't in to other forms of s*x play because you aren't. You guys need to go to the s*x store and buy some toys. A vibrator (use it on him while he pleasures himself) some flavored lube, some dirty books, etc...Men equate s*x with affection from their woman - women don't. You need to make a real effort here: just get started and see if you start liking the idea better.

Edit: Like I said, it ain't pretty but its true. The emotional gulf that will grow if you don't enjoy s*x or s*x play during and the 6 weeks after your pregnancy will be deep and wide. Would it kill you to read him a dirty story while he masturbates? I mean really - you need to be in there in some capacity - so he doesn't get in the habit of just taking care of it himself.

Answer 5

what ever you do, don't mention about it being hormones, only because women have used that term for so long and men are hearing it allot. It's not your fault, many women have low s*x drives and men do not unless they are stressed about something. You can mention it to your doctor and he/she may give a suggestion on what you can do. I would have your boy friend in the room when you speak to your doctor so he can understand what women go through and ask questions himself. This can really help your relationship. I also have a low s*x drive and sometimes I have to give it up to avoid any anger. I know exactly how you feel.

Answer 6

i have been with my husband for 11 years and from experience i can tell you that there is a point where the drive fades. i am currently pregnant with our 3rd child and i am hi risk. with that risk, i cannot have s*x at all. i try to give him some special time but its not enough. and he wants special time all the time. at this point, if i even think about s*x it makes me sick to my stomach. i know it is frustrating for him but am i suppose to feel gross and sick to please him. now i had a s*x drive before that was unbelievable. i wanted it more than he did. but that was years ago. when you have children and responsibilities, things change.

if he trulyloves you and wants to make a life with you, he should understand. you cant just at the snap of a finger be hot and heavy. it ddoesn'twork that way. good luck!

Answer 7

If you are at low s*x drive and you believe it's normal, and obviously your partner is at high s*x drive and you think too it is normal, then I guess you two have to meet halfway before somebody breaks the threshold to abnormalcy.  

Answer 8

When I was pregnant I went through the exact same thing. I didn't want to be touched. My friends and family gave me some advice which I hated but it was the truth. You have to suck it up and just do it, even if it's just once a week for 15 min. just do it. You don't want it to hurt your relationship and men are men, they will never understand what us women go through. No amount of reading is going to make them understand, not even the doctor. I know it sucks!!

Answer 9

Same thing happened to me.  He even started to accuse me of cheating on him.  I told him he has to be kidding if he thinks that I am going around having s*x with other people while I looked like I did.  Plus, it was also very uncomfortable for me to have s*x when I was pregnant.  The one thing that did calm him down was that he had a talk with one of his friend's girl fiends, who had been pregnant in the past, and luckily she had the same type of low s*x drive when she was pregnant.  It seemed to make him understand that it was a normal condition and that after the pregnancy it would return to normal.  I read him stuff from books, let him talk to the doctor, but nothing calmed him down until he had that talk with his friend's girlfriend.  It was the only thing that made him realize that he should not take it personally.  Hopefully you can find someone that he knows and trusts that had been pregnant before (and had low s*x drive) that he can talk to about this situation.  I know that might be hard to find but I just wanted to let you know what had worked for me.  Good Luck.

Answer 10

The first thing you need to do is figure out why your s*x drive is low and try to help get it back.  I was in your situation and it's not fun without being horny and feeling in the mood when needed.  I also felt like my orgasms (if I would even get one) were really weak.  Probably because of my s*x drive.

However, I tried exercising and dieting but nothing seemed to be working.  I thought I was screwed.  I then found something just as amazing as the vibrator.

My friend at work told me about this stuff she took to raise her s*x drive.  It was a natural herbal supplement and was I lucky to of found it.  Theres no side effects and the s*x drive is just tremendous along with orgasms that are blasting.  The stuff is called Hersolution pills.  At the time I saved money on them at herenhancement.com

What I did was tried out for 3 months and that was really it.  I found taking them every other day or so was the best to stretch it out. After the months were up, I was back to normal with a beating s*x drive and my o****m strength in increased so much.  

Well good luck and I hope this helps.

Answer 11

I hate to say this, but as a mother of 2, my s*x drive has not returned since I was pregnant with my first.  Before that, we were like rabbits, now I  could care less, and it's been over 7 years.  To keep my husband happy, even if I'm not in the mood I will caress him, kiss him and play with him and even have s*x when I don't feel like it.  If I want to stay married, I've discovered this is the way to do it.  I don't let on that I don't want it because it's a source of constant argument.  I just do it and usually I'm very happy afterwards.  Sometimes I fake it, sometimes I don't.  I know your body is going through a lot of changes, but sometimes it's just better to do it, than to cause such a problem with someone else. However, if he absolutely will not listen and you can't make yourself do it then he should be understanding.  Make sure he's with you at that first appointment to hear exactly what the doctor says about it.  If he still gets pissed, I'm sorry but he's being very insensitive.  When I was pregnant, my husband was more understanding and very kind.  He was sweet and did whatever I needed for me.  Time for a new guy, you might end up being a single mom.  It does get better throughout the second trimester, only to disappear again in the last.  What to Expect When You're Expecting by Murkoff is a fabulous pregnancy resource.  Best of luck.

Answer 12

That's totally normal, although in my case it hasn't changed much. Try letting him read those pregnancy books, such as What to Expect When You're Expecting. It's really helpful when it comes to things like that. Hopefully he'll come to his mind soon. :( And you getting annoyed with him because he lacks understanding is also the hormones acting up. So the both of you really need to adjust right now. How far along are you? Do you live together?

Answer 13

In the end what it comes down too is that he thinks you are getting over him or not sexually interested in him anymore.

That leads to breakups and such, in fact one of the first signs that a guy knows that the  relationship is ending is the fact that she does not have s*x anymore.

Since you are posting this in the pregnancy area i can assume that you are pregnant. Since that is the case explain to him that s*x acts and a woman of your condition don't match.

Another thing you would be aware of is that men who suddenly have their supply of s*x cut off find themselves in a state of "sexual frustration" It is a natural thing in men where they begin to act in a way your just described. It sounds like he is in the middle of it, that means soon he will start demanding small actions from you, like washing the sheets or start cooking more meals ect.. In the end, use google to look it up.

If you want you can give him some oral s*x in the meantime. that will be something

Answer 14

hand him a hustler and a bottle of lotion then tell him to go **** himself

Answer 15

It sounds like your doing everything you can at this point to explain it to him.  My husband had this problem when I was pregnant and once I explained it to him then it made him feel a little better but not really.  I read somewhere when I was pregnant that if before you are pregnant you have a very sexual relationship then when your pregnant that will be the opposite and if you don't have s*x very often then you will be a wild animal when your pregnant.  I'm sorry I don't remember where I read that from but maybe if you explain that to him then it will make him feel better.  

Answer 16

So he's being a jerk...why should YOU have to bend for him about it, even after you've explained the situation and suggested a reasonable compromise?

Ugh, and then he refers to it as "getting sum azz."  Real mature.  Sounds like he's quite insensitive to your needs.  At this point, you've been more than reasonable with him and have done your best.  If you're not interested, you're not interested!

I'd try one more time to get him to understand.  If he refuses to listen, remind him that behaving the way he is certainly is NOT going to put you in the mood, so if he wishes to increase his chances, he'd better start acting more like a partner and less like a spoiled brat not getting his way.  I understand that this time can be frustrating for men, but the vast majority get through it with class.  It's not like its a picnic for you, either!

Good luck, hun.  You two have a tough road ahead if he can't understand this now.  What is he going to do when you are postpartum and can't have s*x for at least 6 weeks after delivery?  Or when the baby is up all night?  s*x is supposed to be about intimacy and love, not getting "sum azz."  When he realizes that, he'll find that snuggles and kisses can be just as satisfying when the going gets tough.

Edit: I'll add this after reading some answers that boggle my mind.  You do not have to give in to him.  He does not deserve s*x just because he is the man.  It would be entirely different if he was hurt about it, and viewed s*x as being a time to share intimacy with you.  From what I've read in your question, it sounds like he is NOT looking for intimacy at all.  That's what I find so irritating.

Answer 17

First of all, you need to live your life for you, not him. It sounds like you are nothing more than a receptacle to him. You are how you are, you might be perfectly normal, he might be the one with the problem,. Perhaps you are with the wrong guy, you need to find a guy that will love and respect you for you, not for  an opening in your body.

You sound normal to me. You just seem to be mis-mathched to him.

Good Luck.

Answer 18

If you want to increase your s*x drive, ginko helps.

Exercising, especially together like a hike or hitting the gym somehow does the trick also.

And this is from experience. Just months ago I had NO s*x drive. Well I guess having a new boyfriend helps too.