Ok so this is going to sound like a mean question?

Question

I have been with my partner for about 8 yrs, and I am not attracted to him. When we started going out i was never attracted to him physically, but he was a great person, and we got along really well, so it did not really matter. People even gave me s**+! for going out with him. We have 2 kids together, and he looks like he has more pregnancy weight to loose than me (actually he looks about 8 months preg), we cant even kiss because i wont kiss him cos his teeth are gross after a course of antibiotics he had affected them. I know i sound mean, I would never cheat on him, but I am starting to feel resentful that I have missed out these things. I see my friends bfnds and I feel like the odd one out. I also dont take care of myself as much as I would if i was with someone attractive. Hes 37, im 29, we have been together since i was 21, and he was 29. Please dont come down on me too hard for sounding like a bit@h, - What should I do, I dont want to leave cos I would not do that to the kids. ?

Answer 1

OMG! You're right... that does sound mean! I can only speak from experience when I tell you that you have to have some physical attraction for someone to want to be with this person. If you weren't attracted to him from the beginning, you should have told him that you only thought of him as a good friend and prevented this from happening.

Now, regarding all his current physical issues.... if you cared about him, you would help him. Try to get him to eat the right foods and exercise so he can lose the weight he gained over the years. BTW, they say that it's normal for a dad to gain weight while his wife is pregnant. Just thought I'd throw that out there. About his teeth, make an appt. for him to see a dentist. Maybe once you see that he's getting himself together again, your feelings for him will change for the better.

Good luck to you!

Answer 2

I think women should be allowed to admit they need to have visual attraction for their mates, too!

I'am sure you've heard this, but you two should get out there and take better care of yourselves. Try walking together, biking or a fitness class. Secretly cook healthier meals. If he won't get on board with it, you get out there and do it for yourself.

Lots of women are forced to make a choice between staying in an unhappy marriage for their kids or leaving and struggling alone.  

All I can say is, if you are committing to him and your family, do it wholeheartedly and stop dwelling on what might have been. Not productive. Train your mind to look for the good things.

You may not believe in this- I wasn't even sure myself, but I prayed for my husband and saw a change overall that has saved our marriage. Good luck.

Answer 3

If you would never leave because of his appearance, if you would never leave because you aren't feeling in love with him, then why are you asking this question?  You decided to have kids with him!  He wasn't the one not feeling attracted to you from the very start.  Why did you have kids with him if you never felt the right way about him?  Your job is to put those kids first.  If you feel like the odd man out with your friends, maybe you should find some new friends.  Mabye they aren't supporting you and your family in the right way.  If you would NEVER leave then you need to find some activities, and/or hobbies to keep you busy over the next several years until the kids are out of the house.  IF that is truely the case that you would never leave.  I suspect you are feeling like you want to leave and are looking for permission to go.  Just remember your kids are at higher risk for so many things if you break up their family and take their dad away from them.  Think about it long and hard.  If he is a good dad/husband/suporter than what do you have to complain about.  Start exercising with him; tell him you want him to start taking care of himself.  Why don't you tell him, "Honey, we are letting ourselves go, we need to do something about it.  Lets work out together."  Promise him s*x after every work out or something.......I don't know too many guys that would turn that down.  Even if you have to have a drink of wine before you embark on having frequent s*x with him, or fantasize about one of your friends 'perfect parnters' or get a 'toy' to get into bed with him....then DO IT.  Maybe some marital counseling could help you too....maybe individual.  PS. Buy him laser teeth whitening for Father's Day!

Answer 4

tell him gently how you feel.  he can't read your mind, and he would much rather know, than be hurt and confused when you eventually leave because you can't take it anymore.

Answer 5

First, don't use your kids as a reason to stay with him if you don't want to. The kids will pick up on the fact that you are not happy.  If you want to leave him, just do it, but not because he is not attractive.  If you want to leave someone, do it because you are not happy, or you don't love him.

Answer 6

WELL ***** IF YOU ARE NOT GOIN TO LEAVE HAVE A TALK WITH YOUR DIRTY B.F. STOP BITCHIN AND DO SOMTHING ABOUT YOUR NASTY ***.

Answer 7

Find a counselor.  His teeth can probably be whitened by a dentist and he can lose weight but there's no getting over stupid!

Answer 8

I understand your situation.  When I first met my bf there was no physical attraction either.  After getting to know him I fell for him and began to have that physical attraction.... slightly.  My friends give me a hard time abt it, but he makes me happy.

In your case I think you should move on.  There has to be a lot of tension in your home, and that's not good for your kids.  You both are adults and he should understand.  As long as he continues to be a part of the kids' lives everything should be okay.

Answer 9

Well I guess thats what loves all about. You love a person regardless of what they look like. I have been with my bf for 4 years and he doesn't look like he did when we first met. We both grew and transisitioned. I have accepted him and I hope he has me. I was the same way people said I was too pretty for him, but it was his personality I fell in love with not looks. As long as he still has that personality then it'll be good, but once he starts treating me different then I think it might effect the way I feel. Maybe you should sit him down and let him know how you feel. If it really bothers you so much maybe your should tell him. I think I would feel shallow telling my bf about his looks especially because you admit you don't take care of yourself. But you need to communicate with your significant other.

Answer 10

You need to talk to him about it. Do you even love him? If you love him enough to make it work then try but if you dont then dont stay with him because of your kids. That is not fare to your children. They should have parents that love and care for each other. Do you want then growing up and staying with someone they dont love and be sad all the time? Its not healthy to stay in a relationship that isnt really there. For you, your husband, and your kids. You know I am not all that attracted to my husband that much some days ither but I love him with all my heart. I dont think looks should be the number one in a relationship. I am not tryen to hurt you but seriously you need to tell him how you feel and if it comes down to you two spliting, dont do it meanly and make the kids choose who's side they should take. Talk to the kids as well..both of you and let them know how you both feel. I hope this helps and good luck:)

Answer 11

You are between a rock and a hard spot.  You have to decide whether you are going to stay with him or if you are going to end this relationship.  If he cares for you at all, he will be interested to know how you feel about the weight and his teeth.  I hope you can get this matter settled to your liking.  It's hard to know what to do when you don't exactly know how you feel.

Answer 12

It's really not fair to either of you if you're only staying with him for the kids' sake. You're going to end up resenting him more and more and that is not healthy for any relationship.

Your kids will still have him as a father, no matter your guys' relationship status. You leaving him does not take that away from the children. The point is, attraction isn't going to pop up NOW if it wasn't there to begin with. I don't care what anyone tells you, there has to be some sort of physical attraction in a relationship to make it work.

Sometimes we have to do something we think is wrong because, in the long run, it will be the best choice for us.