Okay, I'm not understanding why a lot of people here are angry with adoption?

Question

Adoption in general. What am I missing? Isn't it a GOOD thing that you're not on the streets in the ghetto trying to survive?!

Help me understand why people are so angry about this.

Answer 1

people probobly have trouble with the thought of ever giving up a child or cant imagine life without them.  The child might want to know about it's family and heritage, or medical history(maybe unfair to the child) .  But i think adoption is a great thing if the family knows its giving them a better life or has the childs best interests at hearts.  What would happen to them if they couldn't look after them and their was no adoption.  Every child deserves to live and have a good home

Answer 2

Reading some of the responses and some of the other questions on YA, I honestly believe it's partly because their records are still sealed.

I don't understand this and, if your records are still sealed after meeting with your birth parents, I'd suggest that you both contact the health department in the county you were born and find out what you need to do to open your records up.

I might be wrong, because it's been years since I saw this movie, but it was a movie about adoption and, at the end of the movie, it listed a telephone number for the health department in each state exactly for that purpose.  I contacted the number [it was all automated] and left my name and address, then they forwarded me the information I needed to fill out to turn back in.  However, the records could only be released if my birth mother was looking for me, too and took the same steps to try to locate me.  The process took about 4 months [after I got up the nerve to finally mail it] and I went to the mailbox and there it was...a piece of paper with her current name and address, along with the document I needed to take to the courthouse for both counties [birth county and adoption county], the adoption agency, and I even have a birth certificate, now.

The funny thing is...I knew my last name, so if I'd have gone to the city I was born and looked up that name in the phone book, it would have put me in touch with my aunt.

The sad thing was that they buried my mother two weeks before I found her.

Answer 3

Everyone needs something to blame their problems in life on.

Answer 4

I don't get it either. I mean, sure there are some specific situations where people were not suited to being parents or whatever, but should we leave babies and children to fend for themselves. That just doesn't make sense. If I had the means, I would do it. I'm just not in a position to do it right now.

Answer 5

What I get angry at is the insults people use such as yours "Isn't it a GOOD thing that you're not on the streets in the ghetto trying to survive?!" to justify the need for adoption. There are other ways to get your point across without using insulting statements such as "be grateful you were not aborted", " you would rather be poor", "you would rather live with someone who did not want you or could possibly abuse you". Statements such as these are very counter productive. I turn a deaf ear to people that hurl these statements, because really they are just said to hurt feelings. I'm adopted and I'm proud to be adopted. BUT I would never use a statement such as yours to get my point across or insult anyone!

eta....

kara.waldgrave,

When you make a statment of "be grateful you are not aborted" is a very hurtful and insulting statement. NOONE wants to be aborted! Your statement of "Isn't it a GOOD thing that you're not on the streets in the ghetto trying to survive?!" is very hurtful. It is meant to insult and hurt adoptees, if you are adopted as you say you are. Those statements wouldn't even enter your mind because noone is adopted could say such hurtful statements. That is all that i'm saying. My adoption is good, but i refuse to use hurtful statements.

Answer 6

Yes well there are on this site a lot of people who want to see some changes in adoption. Some of them were adopted by people who should never have had kids at all ( abused the kids or neglected them). They want to see changes allowing adoptees to get access to the information about their bio parents - many areas will not give out that information. They want to see changes in how adoptions are formed - more open adoptions.

I beleive that as an adult all adopted children should have access to the information about thier bio families. But I also know that most of the time the bio parent is not ready for this kid to come back into their lives. And it usually doesnt work out well for either the "child" or the parents (either set).

Answer 7

Adoption aint as simple as you have made out.

The only reasons i get angry about adoption is

1. When people dont understand that adoption isnt easy for anybody involved in it.

2. And when people think that adoption is good because your adopted parents are 'rescuing' you from something. What people dont understand is that the has to be a reason you are up for adoption ie your birth parents died or are incapable of looking after you, what is good about that?

I am personally angry about adoption (sometimes) because it brings up bad memories that no one understands.

Answer 8

Great  point, why would you want to insult an adoptee, since  you are one yourself?  There is no pleasing some people, my friend- today I was accused of being arrogant because I had a good adoption experience and someone else did not. We are not negating their experience because we have had a good experience.  If you get an email it will probably say, something like the 2 I got today-  "you just don't understand, we are not talking about a good or bad experience, we are just voicing our opinion for adoption reform".  I don't know why they are so angry with this= however I think it may have to do with the fact that they wished they had a better experience, and you know something, I wish they had too

Answer 9

I guess from my perspective I look at what is the better of two goods. A lot of people seem to automatically assume that the opposite of being adopted is living on the streets. I know that is not the case in my situation. I would have never been on the streets, in the ghetto, in an orphanage, raised by a crackhead, abused, etc. My mother had a job and was also in college - she was 19 and not married. She felt she had no other option because her parents pressured her - no, they told her that she was going to relinquish me and so did the family priest and she was sent away to live in an unwed mothers home so nobody knew about the awful mistake she made. Pretty sad huh?

I do believe there are situations where adoption can be a good thing but I also believe there are situations where it is totally unnecessary.

The laundry list of things that anger me is extensive - from the secrecy and lies, to the language purposely invented by the industry to keep all parties towing the line, to the government holding hostage records concerning my life, to the money involved.

I get angry when I hear adoptive parents say they want a closed adoption. That to me is entitlement. Why would a parent not want a child to have more relatives to love him/her? Why would they not want their child to be able to have his/her questions answered?

I'm angry that babies are priced by agencies according to their skin color.

I'm angry that people who do not have the financial means to raise their own children feel they have no other alternative and other people will gladly step in and take their baby and make money from the transaction.

I'm angry at the lack of proper education and counseling provided to all parties.

And I'm angry that a government can spend $2 trillion on a war fighting the wrong enemy yet can't spend squat on it's own children, allowing 48 children die in one year alone in the Texas foster care and allows them to live like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VEhdOOOz...

Enough said, cause I could say more, much much more.

ETA: You can assume all you want - but there are plenty of handicapped people who take care of their children just fine and there are handicapped people who adopt. There are also alcoholics that adopt. And what's this with calling out people who suffer with bi-polar depression? Really? Why would that make someone unfit to parent? Oh, and by the way, people with bi-polar also adopt.

Answer 10

Wow.  This is one of the most insulting, assumptive questions I've ever seen.  What makes you think I'd have been in the ghetto trying to survive.  My natural parents were financially capable.  That wasn't an issue.  Neither of them ever considered abortion.  I was wanted.

Why should I be any more grateful than anyone else to have parents?  That's ridiculous.  

Now, you want to know what "angers" me.  

1.  An industry that's more interested in making money than in the best interests of the people whom it purports to serve.

2.  My state, which discriminates against  me simply because someone adopted me.

3.  This one saddens me rather than angers me:  the loss of my original family and everything that goes with that.  Being adopted by a good family does not take away that loss anymore than remarrying would take away the loss if my current husband died.  Should I be grateful for my new husband and expected to forget my first one?   I can love my adopted family and still acknowledge the loss of my first family.

Answer 11

People who are angry...they have  the...coulda shoulda woulda...and the what if...mentality.

I would tell the story of my daughter..but that would take too long.

Answer 12

There are alot of sides to adoption, and many of them are nasty..

I'm so glad you had a good life.. I think some of the people on here need to realize that adoption DOES sometimes work for the child's best interest.. But also you should keep in mind that your situation may actually be in the minority... Keep in mind that alot of adoptees have had their lives ruined by adoption.. So they shouldn't assume all adoptions go badly, and you shouldn't assume all are great..

Answer 13

I too, was blisfully ignorant at what goes on in the infant adoption industry up until last year

Perhaps you might get it if you looked into that a little further.  I don't know

Adoption of children who are in genuine need of homes is a great thing, of course - I don't think anyone would dispute that at all.   So why do 140,000 kids sit in foster care in the USA waiting for good homes whilst people whine and moan about waiting so long to get their special-ordered newborn commodity

No, you don't get it.

Answer 14

I am all for adoption.  I think what you are seeing is all these young gals that are getting pregnant and want to keep their baby even though they can't take care of it.  Their parents are doing all the work and it really isn't fair to them.  

I am not adopted or did I adopt, but I have known lots of people in that situation.   I think it is a very good option but so few are using it as an option.

Answer 15

The issue is not as black and white as you would like to paint it.

Maybe you would have been on the streets but I would not have been.  I have found and I know my bio-family and I know with absolute certainty that I was very much loved and wanted and would not have been aborted, abused, neglected, starved, living on the streets, living on welfare, or any of the stereotypical scenarios that people like to toss around.

I was taken from one good family and given to another...not better, just another.  There was NO NEED for me to be adopted.

What am I angry about?  The fact that I am treated like a child...even though I am a 34 year old woman with children and a family of my own.  I am not allowed to have my own birth certificate, even though I know whose names are on it.  I am considered a potential threat to my own bio-family simply because I want to own a piece of paper with their names on it.  People...even HERE...treat me like a child, treat me like garbage, talk down to me, all because they feel it is their right due to my adoptee status.  And I put up with it because I feel it is important to talk about the issues with adoption.  The not-so-happy issues.

I am angry that people and agencies make millions of dollars a year off the procurement and adoption of babies.  There should be NO PROFIT in adoption...PERIOD.  This breeds unethical practices, and is unfair to adoptive parents.  No child should come with a price tag.  No parent should have to fork over their life savings to become a parent.  

I am angry that millions of ADULT adopted citizens in this country STILL are treated like second class citizes.  Did you know that Australia and the UK have opened up records to their adopted citizens DECADES ago?  Yet here we are, the supposed "leaders" of the free world, yet we still treat our adopted people like helpless children who can't be trusted with their own information?  What kind of leaders are we when we are decades behind the rest of the world?

And lastly, I am angry that people put the "angry" label on me as if it is some sort of disease.  Slavery, segregation, women's rights, NONE OF THESE were fought and won without SOMEONE getting ANGRY.

THINK about it.

Answer 16

I agree with elaeblue. I am adopted and very thankful that my parents chose to adopt and make me a part of their family but I do wish there were some changes in the adoption laws. I would love to find my biological family, especially siblings, as I was an only child.

Answer 17

I dont understand it either.

Answer 18

What are you missing?  I think you are missing that adoption requires relinquishment.  Adoption REQUIRES loss.  The adoptee loses their original family, their heritage, their history.  It's taken from them.  Without their consent.  If someone whose parent had died when s/he was a child was explaining that the death of a parent is not a happy event, no one would question it.  But for some reason, people have a hard time understanding why adoption is not all about winning and gain.  At it's very heart, adoption is about loss.  

Is it a GOOD thing I'm not on the streets in the ghetto?  What kind of nonsense is this?  This is a pretty wild assumption.  Many original families are not poor, and could, if they were helped, raise the child themselves.  What a nasty assumption.  Are all first mothers poor?  Where do you get such a biased, degrading view?

As for the person who claims most original families don't want contact with the adoptee, that's simply false.  Very few original families reject the adoptee when contact is made.  You have your statistics wrong, I'm afraid.

Hope this helps.

Answer 19

I think if you stick around a bit & really try to understand what certain individuals are posting about you'll notice a trend in their statements, as to why they feel so passionately about their position on adoption.  Their passion shouldn't be mistaken for anger.  There are some individuals on here that do speak out of their a ss & do not care about other people's views except their own so just ignore their own ignorance.

Answer 20

Because they are bitter & have no other excuses to get people to pity them.

Funny how none of those "passionate" people are answering your question, huh?

Answer 21

Most people are close minded and judgemental. Nothing wrong with you or your situation.

And yes it's a good thing that you're not on the streets. I guess people don't think of it that way.