Okay, I wrote bits and pieces of a story, but I want some feedback. Can you help me?

Question

I wrote parts of a story, but I want some feedback. Can you PLEASE read my story? And please don't write rude comments. But I would like your opinion... Go here:

http://abbie-angel14.livejournal.com/671.html

Answer 1

i liked the overall idea. it is an interesting idea to have death fall in love. but i do not know how i felt about the whole psychiatrist scene. it felt to... normal a thing. does death look like a person? i picture her more as invisible to everyone except those dying, but maybe your story has her different.

good luck!

Answer 2

Ok interesting story I liked the initial idea of it better than the story i like that your doing it from deaths point of view and that she is a girl but I think the whole thing about her being a human is confusing and frankly not interesting I think you should take your original idea about doing something from deaths perspective and work with that. Also and I'm really sorry to say this but the whole thing with someone falling in love with someone they can't have is really old. But i like your style keep writing cause people are bound to read  

Answer 3

I think this story, and your writing have a lot of potential.   The plot seems to have direction, and the introductory bits show some of the promise of this piece.  That said, it could use a little work...one thing you may want to fill your readers in on...

Half of whose family is dead? (the guy waking up or the friend?)

I only mention this to help you bring clarity to it.  Not to be unkind.  I would really like to see you be able to do this story, because I think it's going to be great when it's done!

Also, when folks do give their opinions about something you've written, try not to be discouraged!  They are just opinions, and you will get all kinds...especially if you ask for feedback.  Take much encouragement from praise, but when reading reviews, it's best not to take the criticism to heart.  Look at the work honestly and see if there's room for the changes suggested.  If not, then follow your heart.  The story will have it's own way...but if it's for publication, the editor will probably have the final say.

Answer 4

I would read it, and it sounds really awesome! Hope you can finish it!!! =)  

Answer 5

Well first I think you got a decent idea for a story, but wasn't clear about the plot. What I mean is the plot Cloe is looking purpose in her fate or that she is in love and won't take the man she loves? I think you need some description in the doc's office. But I'd also recommend you don't do any real changes until your first draft is done. Trust me I know where I come from. I have two books published and working on my first mystery. Your idea has real potential, keep writing and don't give up. If you need anymore advice or have questions I'll be happy to help out. Good Luck Abbie.  My email is [e-mail]

Answer 6

I love the idea, but the story is un-original and boring. Sorry if I am being harsh. You sound like a young author, correct me if I'm wrong. I'm only 13 but I have began to write novels. You really should stick with the idea of it though. Maybe widen your vocabulary a bit. If your intent is to sell it, then you definitely need to re-write. Editors won't read past the first couple of lines. Good luck. :)