Okay, l already posted that l'm in the process of fostering a child. l may have a problem?

Question

At the same time, one of my oldest friends decided to become a foster partent too. The thing is, she's since moved in with a partner who has a record for domestic violence involving a child, so she can no longer (understandably) foster children. The problem l have is that she has since had trouble falling pregnant, and found out she has impaired fertility. Since then she has become increasingly bitter about the fact that I'm almost at the registration stage in my application, while she isn't eligible to apply. But, because l've known her for so long, l've used her as a referee for my case worker, and the other day she made a remark about me not fostering, the same as her, if she wasn't nice about me! She didn't really say it jokingly, and now l'm worried that she will actually get catty about me. Does anyone know if there is a serious risk that it would ruin my chances of final approval?

Answer 1

if your case worker is a professional and considers facts instead of gossip then i don't think you are going to have a problem with your acceptance in regards to what your(friend said). sound to me that she is jealous and wants to have her cake and eat it too. meaning  she wants to keep the creepy boyfriend and be a foster mom at the same time.. She is CRAZY he will hurt her foster kids even though she thinks he wont.

Answer 2

Well first of all... what a ***** for going against you for something you want so badly just because she can't have it. Maybe she oughta re-think her options of a man. Wow, this is really childish. I cant believe someone would act this way. I am sure if she started trying to make you look unfit whoever you are working with on your app would notice the major change in your friends attitude towards your adoption. I hope this makes sense... I think I understood the question correctly. Good luck and you need to ditch the beezie because she is no friend at all.

Answer 3

It is so hurtful when a friend cannot be happy for you.  The truth is that she would be able to foster (it sounds like) if she had a better choice in partners.  She needs to decide what is more important to her, but it sounds like she is better off not fostering.

I would call the case worker you are working with and explain the situation to her as professionally as you can.  If nothing else, it will help your case worker to know that you can be honest and are concerned with the welfare of your family moreso than friendships.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Talk to your case worker about this. They'd best be able to suggest getting another reference or not. They will surely understand that your friend is just jealous because she doesn't qualify and you do.

Answer 5

Well, I am a foster parent myself.  If your agency is anything like mine, we needed to have about 8 references.  (I am assuming that is what you mean by referee??).  Anyway, we needed 6-7 of them to come back positive to be approved. This leaves some room if someone forgets to send back a reference or, as in the case of your friend, decides to be negative.  

If I were you, I would talk this over with your caseworker right away.  I would see if I could use someone different than your friend.  If it is too late to find someone else, at least your caseworker will understand what your "friend" is up to.  Unless you have a lot of people giving your caseworker negative feedback about you, I don't think you should have a problem.  

I have been a foster parent for over a year now, and my husband and I love it!  Best of luck to you, because fostering is the most rewarding thing I have done in my life so far!

Answer 6

Separate yourself as FAR away as you can!  She's trying to sabotage your happiness. The saying 'misery loves company' comes to mind.

Talk to your caseworker directly from now on and advise your worker that she is an unreliable source of information. If the caseworker presses you for details---tell the truth.

GOOD LUCK! :)