Okay, so I need help with something?

Question

on Thursday at drivers ed I was freaking out

b/c earlier that day on my drivetime (we can have drive times with any of the 3 instructors...2 guys and a girl. the lady is the teacher of my classroom part of it.

and I've always had a fear of men

but we were told we cant pick our instructor. so I had to deal...so thursday morning I went with one of the male instructors...and he touched my hand... A LOT... and he wanted to go to my house to see my dogs. so we went (I didnt let him in the house) when he asked if they were nice I said no. theyre really mean

then he took us to HIS house to see HIS dog.

and I was really uncomfortable through the whole 2 hours.

so I talked to my friend about it and she said to talk to my teacher. (the girl one) and ask her if I could please only drive with her

and I hate doing that. speaking up for myself and I really didnt want to have to explain why I fear men.

so I was freaking out when I got to drivers ed that night (we go 6-8 pm monday-thursday...and my drivetime earlier was 12-2)

so when I went I was talking to my friend on my phone through IM and she was helping me chill out. but I was still sick to my stomach and shaky and about to pass out. and I knew I would do something stupid like yell at the teacher if she asked me to get off of the phone.

so I went to the bathroom and tried to stay 'there' (for those who have anxiety issues you know what I'm talking about) and I guess I was kinda blacked out for a while. and I guess it was about 20 minutes in to the class and she started looking for me and she found me in the bathroom shaking really hard. and I explained to her that I was extremely anxious and I couldnt stand. so she had me sit on the counter and when she asked me what was wrong I told her that I had to ask her a question...and I think I said something along the lines of

'well I want to ask you something...you said that we cant pick our teacher but I cant drive with the men. men scare me and I'm really uncomfortable around them and I'm rly nervous'

and then she said it was okay and that I could schedule with only her and another girl in a previous class had the same issues. then she asked if I wanted my Mom to pick me up...but I didnt want my mom knowing that I have anxiety issues again) so she let me calm down in the hallway and take my test out there (we have tests every thursday) so I did that and when I was calmer I went back in to class. and by the end of the class I was participating more. and I was calmed down and all and could smile when something was funny.

and now I am SO embarassed! I'm worried that she thinks I'm weird and crazy. or if she thinks I did it on purpose (cuz thats my biggest fear...cuz I've seen ppl not take other ppl seriously before) and so I'm really embarassed to go back. and I'm nervous that she will end up asking why...and that is really hard for me to say. I can type it or write it. but for some reason I can never say the words. and its really weird when ppl ask about that cuz I hate talking about it...

so what should I do? to not be embarassed or scared to go back? how can I handle this? am I blowing out of proportion? am I overreacting? am I underreacting?

please help me!

Answer 1

After reading through your entire long paragraph, I can only tell you this: if THIS is really how you felt about the situations you describe, you should talk to somebody professional.  No, that does NOT make you weird or a loser or anything along those lines. But if your anxiety rsp. fear of men actually hinders you to "function" properly (having to get out of the room, shaking, hiding in bathromms etc.) there is something you have to do to make it stop.

I don't know whether you have been in any kind of situation that caused your fear of men, and it would be wrong to interpret too much into your situation without knowing the details.

But please go talk to a school counsellor or a local self-help centre, therapist, hotline... whoever you can get your hands on. Really. Even if you can arrange your driving lessons in a way that you are only taught and accompanied by female instructors, that can only be a short-term solution. You will be working with men at one point in your life, you will have to deal with men in all kinds of situations - the longer you wait, the more fixed your anxieties and fears might become.

Good luck. :)

Answer 2

you are not over reacting ,the instructor may not have meant any harm but his behaviour was verging on inappropriate, you did the right thing telling the teacher although you should have told her before you worked yourself into a panic attack

if you are worried that she will think your behaviour strange then as you feel more comfortable writing your thoughts down rather than saying them , write a note to her explaining how you feel and asking her understanding

Answer 3

The male instructor was inappropriate and I don't think you blew anything out of proportion and I doubt the female teacher thinks so either.  I know you didn't tell her what happened, and perhaps you should have, so this doesn't happen to somebody else, but nonetheless, I am sure she understands more than you know.  She probably has had other students beside you and the other girl she mentioned who have had problems with men and she may understand a lot of what is happening.  

As far as her thinking differently about you, I think you have blown that out of proportion.  I think she doesn't think you are strange or anything like that.  She probably understands what you said and just wanted to make sure you were okay.  If you want her to know more you could write out what makes you so upset or you could tell her what happened with the male instructor on paper -- or you could just let it go.  I am sure she will be acting no different to you this week than she has in the past.  Good luck!