Okay so I don't know why I act the way I do sometimes. I mean like for instance I have this somewhat I guess creepy wedding band fixation which I say is probably creepy because when I look at someone's wedding band I can't stop looking even when I try to stop or not look, or even wonder if someone is married especially professors. So like with one professor Professor Obstfeld I feel bad because I think I freaked her out between me looking at her wedding band while trying not to look at it i thought about stuff that bothered me I guess, and that made me throw negative energy towards her, and I think she felt it, and threw negative energy back at me. But I didn't mean to do it, I mean usually when I throw negative energy at someone it is usually my mother, my father, or one of my sisters especially when they do something to p**s me off. But I think I subconsciosly threw anger at Professor Obstfeld. Plus I feel bad about whatever negativity I threw at her. Plus when I went to see my professor about a class to add it really angered m when the dean says to me it is Tuesday I knew that but yet I didn't throw anger at her. Also just in case I come off jealous of married people I am not,I am not married, and do not want to be married but yet my feelings seem to sometimes be out of place. Anyway like I said I hope this does not make me disturbed or weird because sometimes I have negative feelings for no reason. But the majority of the time I get angry dealing with my mother, and her selfishness. Like what she did today that really pissed me off was she would not let me take an accounting class on Saturdays because she wanted me to be able to work. But then when her boyfriend says it is okay that pissed me off while I appreciate that he backed me up, he is not my father. Anyways again I hope I just need therapy, and not be institutionalized, or whatever. Which is another thing that still bothers/haunts me because ever since my mother tried to commit me last year I have been so scared of going crazy for real, and not to mention she tried to institutionalize me again this year, and I hate when I get angry, and out of hand, and she likes to make people feel sorry for her by saying "You see what I have to deal with?" I mean first of all it is obvious I have a lot of resolved issues that may ot may not be fixed with or without therapy, and it is not like she was totally innocent in how she dealt with me. I mean if only the people who she tells "See what I have to deal with saw what my sisters saw" I mean even one of my sisters said you yelled at her. Which is true because she yelled at me a lot growing up especially in junior high, and high school, and said things like "Does that make sense on your planet?" To her favorite saying from last year to three months ago which was "Why am I paying for college?" I just feel like she has done so much damage to me that I may always have the same issues no matter what, and I may never feel good. Anyways comments, advice please.
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