Okay my widowed sister is scaring me?

Question

My widowed sister just told me that she is talking to a guy she met through Yahoo personals... I find this scary. Is there any way to tell if this guy is dangerous or not? They haven't met in person yet. Just exchanged some emails and pictures. Frankly the guy looks too good to be true. She is very trusting. I had no idea that she was emailing someone like this. I know that she is an adult but I am having a problem with this. Should I just sit back and if it blows up in her face just help her gather up the pieces? Or should I get in her face and tell her to cut this guy off? I don't think she'll listen to me anyway as lonely as she is. Help!!!

Answer 1

As long as you follow safety precautions, meeting someone online can be safe enough.

Guidelines:

Make sure there is a set length of time for the date to last. Make sure you have something you need to do if you feel you must have an excuse, or incase your date pressures you to stay longer. If there is a set amount of time for the date to last, you can get to know the person without risking being lured into hanging around longer, and giving them opportunity to execute dishonest intentions.

Bring a cell phone with emergency numbers (police, 911 and a family member or friend) on speed dial. Have the battery fully charged.

Meet in a public place where there are lots of people who can be alerted if your date does something aggressive or scary. Also, a crowded busy place can keep a potential attack at bay just with the intimidation of having other people around.

Meet in a well lit area during the day. At night and in dimly lit situations, it can be easier to be victimized.

Give yourself time to absorb, between dates, what you know, like and trust about this person. Really get to know them, and try to judge them objectively. If they seem creepy or scary, break it off. Don't be afraid to take it slow, and to go on 3, 5, 15, etc  "safe" dates. As many as you need.

DO NOT give out personal information, such as where you work, or live until you get to know the other person better.

Make sure someone know exactly where you are, exactly what you are doing, and exactly when you plan to return. Have someone call your cellphone to check up on you if you do not return at the designated time.

Thats all I can think of. Good luck to your sister.  

Answer 2

Dont be too concerned. Give her te credit she deserves. If the dude is a jerk, she will soon work that out for herself. This system is just another way to meet people. Your sister has had 40 years of practice doing just that.

Answer 3

You need to back off big time and let your sister make her way in her life and allow her to make her mistakes also. She has to grow as a person too and you might get on the wrong side of her, if you go sticking your nose into her business. There's nothing wrong with meeting people on the internet, I met my partner on the internet and got a big surprise when I found out he was a builder and had this beautiful modern two story home. So not all things turn out to be a negative.

Answer 4

Hmmm...if he's really a good guy....I'd tell her to give it a long time before they meet.  maybe 6 months to a year.

Answer 5

I can understand your concern.  I hope that your  sister isnt being used by some idiot.  There are way to many of them out there.  Tell her your concerns about her safety and that she shouldnt meet him alone.  Get his name and google it, I know I would.  

Encourage her to get involved in activities in the real world.  Even volunteer work can be very satisfying and it will let her make new friendships.  

Check out images on the net to see if his pic turns up somewhere else. Just in case he is totally fake.

Good Luck

Answer 6

BEWARE:  I do not know if your sister inherited any substancial funds due to her spouses death, but I want to tell you about this.  I recall this happening years ago with newspapers.  Less than ethical people would go through the obituaries in the newspapers and look for some who died and was in their 40's.  If it was a manlooking for a woman, he would get the address and scope out their home while everyone was at the funeral.  He would then arrange a "chance" meeting, like by following her to a store, etc.  Being she is vulnerable and hurting he would slowly befriend this person.  The whole plan is to steal from them and marry them. They can do the same on-line by reading what she has written.  {widowed}

   Tell your sister to be very careful.

Answer 7

my personal experience tells me ppl lie lik nethin wen there is this kind of relationship. trust me you should be tryin to get her out of this stupid relationship...infact its no relationship...she mite be depressed, wat you can do is take her out and make her meet real life ppl not some liar who is goin to pass som time with her and leave her some1 who is a lonar and will get her invloved in himself and turs out to be some pyschopath taking advantage of her situation.... tc of her ...best of luk  

Answer 8

just let her know not to get to excited she is going to do it regardless of what you say. but let her know that you want to go with her when she does meet him and make sure it is in a public place whatever you do make sure she doesn't go by herself that is the most important thing.

Answer 9

Just ask her to be alert.. most of the men that are online are married.. there just looking for a weak soul.. especially if she mentioned that she is widowed... just be there for her as a sister would be

Answer 10

I think your best route would be to show your sister that you trust her, but that you want to make sure she is safe... so spend more time with your sister.  Get more involved in her everyday life.  Be a real friend.  Then when the guy turns up (or not), you'll be there with her, to make your own assessment, and to support and protect her.  It's not all (ie. sit back) or nothing (tell her to cut him off) ... just be there, be a part of all the action.  If you're there with her, you'll know that she is safe, and you'll also know that you have been true to both your desire to be supportive of her free will, and also your desire to protect her from harm.  Just be close.  Show her your ambivalent feelings... it could be a good thing, it could be dangerous ... just keep me in the loop, okay sis?  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚™Â¥

Answer 11

Don't interfere at this stage as it would only make her want to continue this cyber relationship more.  It will probably blow anyway (if he can't do webcam, it's probably the photo of his better-looking brother he posted!).

Be there as a sister for support.

Answer 12

I know how you feel because we hear so many scary things about predators and psychos, but let me give you some "personal experience" for balance, and some recommendations.

I met my bf on yahoo personals about 2 years ago.  I decided to give it a shot after at least 3 friends ended up married to people they met online, and after talking to a number of others who have dated people they met online.  I had never actually joined a "dating site" before, and I was VERY leery.  He was out of the country, and we emailed each other for almost a year before he returned.  When we met, it was "instant fireworks" and we started dating immediately.  I am SO happy that I took the chance.  We've been together for over a year, and if we ever part for any reason, I would definitely try it again.

With that said, online dating in most areas is pretty much the new "acceptable" and "easiest" way to meet someone compatible.

I think the best thing you can do is encourage her to be smart and make safe choices.  Helpful tips:

Do NOT give out personal information like phone number, address, where you work, etc.

If you decide to meet, make it in a very public location, preferably during the day or early evening.

Give a trusted friend all information about your date - name, location where you will meet, how long your date will last, etc.  Set a check in time when you will call or they will call you to confirm that all is well.  Establish a "safe word" or "alarm word" if you will, that can be used if she feels threatened, unsafe, or uncomfortable in any way - this way someone can show up to help if anything is wrong.

Do NOT leave the public location to get into a car or vehicle, or to go somewhere else.

Trust your instincts.

If he is legit, he will understand your caution and not be the least upset about it or think it strange.

For good measure, you can also scan thru America's Most Wanted just to make sure he hasn't been profiled there.  Lol, sorry- you know me, gotta stick a laugh in somewhere if the opportunity presents itself.

Seriously, aside from the stuff above, just remind her that no matter how nice and polite he may seem, he is still a stranger.  She should not let her guard down anymore than she would normally with someone she just met.  

Take some time to get to know him, and if things go well, see him at different times of day, night, and on weekends. This will allow her to check out his reliability, see him over time to see if any clear causes for concern surface (showing up unkempt, drinking too much, canceling dates at last minute, only available at weird times, etc.)

Don't try to tell her what to do, because then she may not confide in you and decide to "go it alone" which could make her even more vulnerable.  Just be supportive same as you would if she told you a friend had set her up on a blind date.

Hope it works out well.

Answer 13

if they ever meet ,make sure it's always in public and someone knows where and when the date is.

Answer 14

Talk to her and voice your concerns.  Everyone is entitled to their opinions right, and she should give you the opportunity to say how you feel.

I'd tell her that although she's an adult and everything that you're worried.  Remind her that you're not trying to control her life, you're just concerned about her safety.

If she insists on meeting this guy, compromise.  Make a deal that if she goes she has to meet him in a busy public place that's not far from you.  Hopefully a compromise will help reduce your fears and she'll still get  to meet him.  It's a win-win situation for the both of you.

Answer 15

Just talk to her and let her know how you feel, but be sympathetic to her needs.  See if you can find out some details about him, name, age, where he lives, where he works, and what he likes to do in his spare time.  Then maybe you could play investigator without telling her.  Or maybe even try setting your sis up on a blind date with a guy you know, this may take her mind off of this mysterious guy for the net.  

Answer 16

Belive it or not there are good and bad people everywhere. She could meet a raging lunitic in a church. She's just getting to know the guy and he could be a great person looking for the same. Sure she should approach with caution but should do that anyway no matter who she meets or where. She's a big girl and she may have just met Mr. Right!

Answer 17

get his full name and do a background check on the internet. it costs around $40, but its worth it. a friend's dad did this because she was on eHarmony and was wanting to meet this guy in person. everything checked out ok, but it was worth it for some peace of mind.