Okay so Adoptees Hands up, who is prepared to admit..?

Question

That they have problems ?

Who is prepared to say that they have problems in their every day to day life and they believe its from being adopted

What else would it be from ?

Do you have problems relating to other people ?

Do you struggle daily?

Are you in pain every single day of your life ?

I'm able to admit that I am. I am lonely, I am sad, I exist day to day, h**l I cant even get along with OTHER ADOPTEES on a forum.

I rub people the wrong way daily

I have pushed away all the people I know, but not on purpose, just by my actions

I am not depressed, I am just in pain. I am in MORE pain and turmoil since searching and finding my birth mother and then having her reject me and finding out other things. I am in more pain and turmoil since finding out I have this Massive family that is exactly like me on the other side of the world. I am in more pain since my adoptive mother died some 7 years ago.

So how do you fix something this broken ?

Answer 1

I think you are speaking of the "human condition".  To be alive is to suffer. There is joy too, but suffering and struggle are unavoidable.

Answer 2

I am not adopted so I do not know how you feel.  I can only offer this advice:  Being an adopted child is not a disaster.  Living in a third world country, stricken with aids, starving, and being a s*x slave since the age of 7 would be a disasterous life to live.  I am not trying to say that you havent had an extremely hard life, I am just trying to help you focus on what you have, instead of the negative.  Hope you feel better.

Answer 3

I am the bio child of my parents, and my older sister is adopted.

I don't believe she ever had problems

She is just a normal teenager

She often sees her bio mom as she is a part of our family both by blood and bond

I don't think your like this because you are adopted. I think you just want something to blame for your depression.

Answer 4

I'm adopted but I don't feel any of those things....but it's good that you can admit that you do....maybe a adoptee forum or support group would help?

I don't really know but sorry to hear u in so much pain.

Answer 5

i do have problems and i think most of mine go back to my adoption..i have very few friends despite living in numerous places i dont keep track of them..i found my sister last year and havent written to her and didnt even send her a christmas card..this is me..i have problems with people..i tend to have social anxiety...right now i feel like a recluse..since we moved i wont go put in my job applications..and im not sure why..i feel depression coming on and i feel powerless to stop it..stupid eh...i worked up till sept of last year..so i dont know what my deal is...you cant fix it..you learn to live with it and try to make your life better and you try to find something to laugh about everyday

Answer 6

ever stop to think maybe you'd be even more unhappy if you hadn't been adopted, tat your life would be worse? that life with someone who wasn't able to take care of you or in a single parent home with no money no food no shelter, would have made you MORE bitter.... maybe you are just unhappy by nature, maybe its in your genes, maybe you need to stop blaming life circumstances for your inability to cope and get your c**p together and be thankful for your life NOW, not your child hood with what you did or didn't have...

MY parents got a divorce I was POOR, my dad hit my MOM, I had a brother die...AND... I'm fine, I'm happy, I have a great life, a terrific marriage, a loving handsome husband, three smart healthy kids,  I love my siblings, my mom and am close to all my family, including my father until he recently died, stop playing the blame game, and call your parents and thank them for loving you and doing the best they could as parents even if you can't really appreciate it yet

Answer 7

Jane, I think part of the problem is that people are unwilling to look at just how complex adoption really is.  There's a LOT to this whole relinquishment/adoption/reunion thing.  Not only that, but people are made differently, which means we all process all of this differently.  

I totally get that there can be a lot of pain.  I did plenty of crying for a while when trying to sort of some of this stuff.

Some adopted people who feel lonely because they are afraid to get close (fear of rejection/abandonment) do push people away. It's lonely and painful to do it, but it "feels" like it could be the safer way.  

I was kind of lonely as a kid, for sure.  I was the geeky, academic type.  Not the most popular type of kid in school, you know.  But, I always had a couple of close friends.  Even so, I felt alone a lot of the time.  I dealt with it by having lots and lots of boyfriends.  I don't advise it as a way of handling one's feelings. LOL.  It didn't stop me from feeling sad or lonely, but it sure made things complicated.

My amom's death three years ago has been hard, too.  She was pretty much all there was left for me in my afamily.  

My reunion has been great, but in the beginning it brought up a bunch of feelings that I really wasn't prepared to have.  But, there they were.  I pulled away from a lot of people for awhile.

It takes time, but I think the biggest thing it takes is a willingness to accept that relationships inherently include the possibility of rejection -- then coming to a place of accepting the possibility of the rejection happening.  The good thing is, accepting the possibility by no means suggests that it will happen.  It just gives the opportunity to open up a little more and get closer to people a little more.

Some people will tell you that ANYONE can have these issues.  That's true.  They can.  But, we're not talking about anyone.  We're talking about a specific person, for whom much of the basis is relinquishment/adoption/reunion related.  

You know, ANYONE can get cancer, but if I get it, I want to know the cause.  What happened in MY particular case that caused MY cancer?  

There's absolutely nothing wrong with knowing the cause of you issues.  If they happen to be relinquishment/adoption/reunion related, then so be it.

I saw a counselor for a while to talk about things.  I'm by no means one to talk about my problems very much -- you sort of have to pull this sort of stuff out of me in real life -- but it helped a lot.  It helped me understand and eventually stop pulling away and pushing away.

I'm so sorry it hurts so much.  Pain sucks.  But, there are ways of handling it.  I'm also a big lover of my time to myself.  I love to have down time, so to speak.  I really need to have my motor recharged, and being around lots of people drains me, even if we're doing things I absolutely enjoy.  I think I've just had to accept I am who I am, and go from there.

I don't know if this is very helpful or not, but I hope it is.  Keep coming over to AAAFC, also.  The nice thing over there is I've always felt totally accepted, even in my worst moments.

Also, I know this sounds trite, but I have found it to be true in people.  Underneath the fear and pain, you ARE complete and you ARE just who you are meant to be.

((((Jane))))