Okay teenagers! Can you teach me how to be a better Mom?

Question

Okay.. first of all , serious answerers only. If ya wanna be a horse's patoot, do so elsewhere. TYVM.

SO. I want to know what you want/need from your parents, relationship-wise. I have a 14 yr old daughter that thinks I am a demon from the depths of h**l because I have to work 13 hour days 5 days a week, and I have a 12 yr old son that won't tell me anything or talk about anything because he wants me to relax when I am home. And, I appreciate this, I do. BUT, more importantly ( and yes, i have told them this), I want to have a relationship with them. I HAVE to work,...it's not a choice for us. But, I'd also like to be in my childrens' lives. ( I have the 14 yr old and 12 yr old, then 10 yr old boy, 8 yr old girl, 3 yr oldboy, and 2 month old twins, if that helps you with your answer)

Okay. I'm ready. Lay it on me.

Answer 1

ok if you were my mom i would probably be the same way im 14 and when my mother dosent spend time with me i feel alone i know your working hard to support them but you can take some time away from your day to spend with your children to remind them that you love them.They know you love them and know you have to work to feed them but they want mom.And if you dont start spending tome with your children getting to know them better then how are you going to have a relationship.

Answer 2

Just let them know that you're there for them and love them. My older sister thought my mom was evil too, and now shes 25 and they are practically best friends, when they move out and realize how much they miss you then they will probably develop a real relationship. You just have to show them that you are there for them and love them, dont try too hard though. I'm just happy when my mom actually remembers things..

Answer 3

Oh my God, how do you even have the energy to type this question.  My advice is to spend as much time with your children as possible and try to do one fun thing with them a week.  There is only so much you can do if you work that much.  When your children are older, only a little bit older, they will understand the sacrifices you have made for them and appreciate their kick-as s mom!!

Answer 4

1. LOVE THEM

Well many parents make the mistake of trying to be their children's "friend" to early.  When I was 12-17, I really wasn't mature.  

When they reach 18, then you can start developing a "real" relationship with them, not to say yours is fake... your just their parent... its just different.

I would recommend just spending an hour or two a night with them all...maybe a game night or movie night of something.  

Remember to always talk to them. Communication is important!

GL TO U!

Answer 5

ok...i'm a 15 year old girl so i can give you some advice to help with your daughter.

you need to show interest in things that she likes. talk to her about fashion and her friends. compliment her on her clothes and looks alot, tell her you like how she styles herself.

offer to take her shopping for new clothes and give her money to spend on cds and magazines or anything she likes.

and hire a scary film for you two to watch together on a saturday night. treat her maturely as if she were an adult and as though you two were friends. but give her space to go out with her friends and trust her.

but obviously don't just let her wild, give her trust and freedom but within reason.

hope that helps

xxxx

Answer 6

just love them and always be there for them!!!

Answer 7

MORE FUN TIME!!!

I think on an off day, spend time with just your daughter like doing things teens want to do- talk about boys, going to the mall, movies, etc.

With your son, just sit on the couch with him and watch a movie with him (of his choice to show him you are relaxed).

Teens like it, bc I am one, when parents MAKE TIME for them.

Answer 8

kids that age cant appreciate what youre doing for them, they eventually will, just give it some time and hope its not too late

Answer 9

There are 6 kids in my family but my mom always (tried) to find individual time for all of us.  Or even 2 of us, at a time.  It could be going school supply shopping, out to eat, anything really.  The young teenagers do need to understand that you have a lot of young ones to care for.  Family activities are good, too.  If it is feasable, try to take the older 4 to do more "grown up" things and find a sitter occasionally for all those young ones.  You really have a lot on your plate, good luck

Answer 10

Teenagers are horrible people. It'll straighten out once they mature and get a bit older. The vast majority of teenagers are just in awful moods 90% of the time with their parents. All I can say is discipline them and just be friendly to them (not like you wouldn't be anyway). Also, please, please do not ask random teenagers for parenting advice, they have the same mindset as your kids, if not worse. You'd be better off trying to get the attention of other parents, successful parents that is who's children don't behave like the spawn of satan.

Answer 11

The fact that your asking a question like this already makes you a good mom.

You have to work, someday they'll understand.

Your son sounds like a good kid.

Keep doing whatever your doing.

Answer 12

I'm a teenager and I don't think anyone can blaime you for not spending as much time as you wish with your children. You have to work for their lives right? You're kids can't get mad at you. I think they're frustrated because they only know so much about life that they don't understand you're side. I mean the oldest is 14 she doesn't even know half of what you're going through. I say atleast once a week give a day or a night to spend with your kids. It can be as simple as just staying in the house with them. It gives them the idea that you're actually there and available to be there for them.

I barley see my mom too. She works night shift and sleep during the day. So most of the week the only time I actually get to talk to her is when she drives me towards my school to drop me off. I won't lie it gets lonely at home cus at night the place is completly empty and during the day she's always sleeping. I miss her sometime even though she's in the next room haha sounds a little silly... But every couple of weeks she takes a day off and we go to the mall or watch a movie. And that's enough because I know my mom NEEDS to work. Every moment count when you're mom is working so much. Well... atleast I think so. Don't be so hard on yourself. They'll understand and appreciate you more when they get older. Just do what you need to do.

I hope this helps. Good luck =]

Answer 13

I don't think the problem is really with you... it is their age. Teens are very ungrateful and even if you stayed home and worked as their slaves they would still be unhappy and complainning.  

Answer 14

I really enjoyed reading a book by John Cleese called Families and how to Survive them and in this book he talks about being a good enough parent. I'm not perfect, who is? But as long as we try our best and be ourselves, even though the job we do will probably be imperfect, it will be good enough and probably just right for our own particular kids.

Answer 15

Excuse me young lady, first of all I'm not a teen-ager, quite a bit older than that, but,I believe in my heart you're doing what needs to be done, so your kids, has alot more than what you had, I'm sure you're tired when you come home( who wouldn't be)?, maybe after a rest you could ask your children what they want to do? Or better yet! Ask them want they think you should do to be a better mom to them? I'm sure they are going to say(at least the older ones)that you are the best mom ever!!AND YOU ARE!Grab Dad and go to the pool, or on an outting!(Yes,where you can rest for awhile), then get up and go again! You are a fantastic mom!And your kids sees what you do for them, ask them? You'll really be surprised!!If it is ant cancellation (I USED TO BE A TEEN-AGER)!

Answer 16

I'm 25, but I feel I have an answer here. My twin sister and I were raised by a single mom. Sometimes she worked 3 jobs. As an adult I know she did it for us, but at the time it felt like she didn't care about us. When she was home she was usually yelling at us to eat our veggies or do our homework or brush teeth -- being a mom, in short. But my sister started to run away a lot at age 8, which she now says is because she needed mom's attention. As twins, time alone with mom was at a premium. It was gold. It is what I most remember now when I look back fondly. it means everything. And the more kids you have the more precious time alone with each of them will be. So I would schedule them in, one at a time, on your days off, and let them pick what they most want to do with you. I bet they'll open up to you then. And they'll remember it later.

Answer 17

You can't really make yourself a better parent...you just have to be there for your kids and support them. No matter what they do, be there and support them. Don't pressure things onto them that they don't want to do. (Unless it's like homework or something...lmao.) Because if you do, they will hate you for it later on in life.

Answer 18

Pick a day each month that you will spend with each child. Make sure it fits in with both of your schedules, and that the other children can get where they need to be when they need to be there on that day. Tell that child that you won't schedule anything for that day unless absolutely necessary. Make sure the child does the same. If something does come up that just had to be scheduled for that day, tell the child or vice versus as soon as you find out. Make sure that day gets rescheduled for that month. Also, if you have a close relationship with every and all children when you are at home, it will most likely help with the relationship.

There is a difference between helping them with their homework, and making sure they do their homework, if you know what I mean.  

Answer 19

Make the time that you do actually get to spend with them extra special. One hour of close time together is better than a whole day of distant togetherness.

Answer 20

I am a 14 year old girl, so I know how your daughter feels.  

Firstly, try to spend time with all you older kids separately, take them out for lunch or go to a show or something.  You could take your daughter out and go shopping, just you and her, it will make her feel appreciated. Also don't yell at your kids to do stuff (not saying that you do) if you do they will just retaliate and won't speak to you about anything.

Hope this helps :D

Answer 21

now im not a parent so i couldnt tell you exactly..but the book Parenting teens with love & logic by foster cline, MD & jim fay

**good luck!

Answer 22

I'm assuming your kids have cellphones. Text them, call them every few hours or so. Just to see what they are doing. Most kids would happily reply to you if you did that.

And when they are at home at night, make/order a nice dinner and sit and eat with them. (forbid them from eating alone if they try to do that)

If they play an online game like Runescape, Maple Story or World of Warcraft. Try to join in with them when you have free time, or try to schedule a outing to the park or mall when you have a day off.

Make sure you keep on top of things, don't let them go loose. ;)

Answer 23

we just want our moms to be their for us and love us. i want my mom to treat me as a lady not a child and talk to me as one too.i like being responsible for my own things. i tell my mom things about my school life and who i like but  i dont like it when things start running through her mind and i like it when she gives me advice about certain things.  

Answer 24

Oh, Wow. I'm a 13 year old girl and I have a 10 year old lil brother. I don't really know what much to say, and I don't really expect much from my mom. Well, I'll give you a list of SOME things that i AM happy with when she does.

-Lets me hang out with my friends, and she doesn't mind where I go as long as I'm back by 8:30pm and she knows who I'm with.

-Trusts me with things

-Treats me appropriate for my age

-Has good humor and appreciates my help with things

-Lets me live my dreams, such as rollerblading, gymnastics and all that.

I couldn't say much, I was kinda speechles at first, and I dunno how this is gonna help you, but I hope it does!

Buh Bye. <3

Answer 25

WOW THATS A ZOO FULL! Man. I know its hard to do anything when you work that much. On days you have free you should try to do something special with all of them. Maybe once a month for each kid you should have a special day with them alone.  

Answer 26

my parents work long days like you but they work all week i hate them for working so much because they have no idea what is going on with me and they really have no idea who i am as a person sometimes i wish they would just take some time to sit with me and talk that would make me happy  

Answer 27

you need to spend time with them, to show them you love them, learn about their day, give them advice, tell jokes, just learn about one another.

that is the best thing. spend one on one time with each child then have group/family time all together.

Answer 28

Well u should go out as a family and show them lots of love and care no matter what! Take them out, like to the park or movies. Show them that ur are making an effort to be part of there lives and that it hurts you not to be in their life! I know it must be a struggle with so mamy kids but show them that u love them all the same no matter what! Why don't u talk to your daughter and explain to her that itls not easy having to work so long and have little time with them, show her that your willing to spend time as a family! Be there for them be for it's to late! Do something special that you all will enjoy , with out no eteruptions!

Answer 29

You just have to keep talking to them and never forget how it was when you were growing up.  Remember how you felt as a teenager, and just try to be yourself.  Mine made it to 18 and not one baby, drug caper, or drinking incident.  Good Luck to you.