Old fashioned values?

Question

I remember my mother telling me that when her and my father adopted me, my grandparents on my fathers side were not too keen. They had very old fashioned values and never understood why anyone would want a child that wasnt blood. It was something to do with carrying the family name. I later found out though, that there was several adoptions in the family, on my grandparents side and in their era too! Hypocritical? so, even before my parents were born, my grandparents had adoptions going on in the family that nobody ever knew about!

Has anyone else experienced the "old fashioned values" thing?

Answer 1

yes and its sad my mother adopted my nephew and i still feel like his sister not his aunt

Answer 2

My family was apparently a bit like that too. Although it was my dad that wanted me not my mother. I found out when I was about 11 or so. But the rest of my family was like that as my mum was unable to have kids so my dad suggested adoption much to the dismay of other family members. They adopted my older brother 2 yrs earlier.

Answer 3

My husband's family is Persian. Adoption doesn't exist in their culture. They weren't to keen on it either. Once we really talked to them about it, they seemed to understand better. My son is 9 months old and they spoil him rotten. My brother in law even said he was very proud of us and hoped he could do something like that one day. That was very surprising. I think it's been really good for my husband's family.

Answer 4

oh this sounds familiar. my dads mother, she was a real treat. she told my parents if they "adopted that b*****d kid" she would have nothing to do with 'it'.

she made her point clear. when we had easter basket hunts she would hide mine waaaaay behind the furniture, the others were where you could find them. when we came to visit she would unplug the tv, radio, everything. she didnt want to 'waste electric' on me.

birthdays, everyone got presents,  i got a bag of cookies.

the list goes on, but you get the idea.

my dad was one of 8, these people could make babies. all of them, unfortunately my mom didnt have such an easy time. she had several miscarriages and lost a preemie daughter after 3 days. they were able to concieve and carry my sister by pure luck. but that was the last one. moms body could take no more. so 9 years later they got me.

i harbor lots of hostility toward her, not so much because of my treatment, but more because of how she treated mom. like she was 'inferior' because she had so many problems. when i was little she would say to me "you can tell YOU ARENT one of us because.... (whatever)" and i would tell her 'thank god for small favors'

she may have been old fashioned, buy there was no value involved with her abuse.

Answer 5

Yes, my mother-in-law doesn't seem to able to treat two of her grandsons, who are adopted, the same as her other seven grandkids.   She will say "I love them, but it just isn't the same."  Of course, this bugs me because I am an adoptee myself.   My sister in law recently died leaving behind two children, one who is adopted.  My mother in law reaches out to her bio granddaughter, but not to my little nephew because he is not "carrying a piece" of his deceased mother in him.  It infuriates me how she treats them differently.

Answer 6

Almost everyone in my family was very supportive when my parents adopted my brothers.  At first they were a little scared, they really weren't sure what was going to happen, but once they met the boys they fell in love, and that was that.  However, about ten years later, we discovered something rather odd....  

My great-grandfather (my dad's dad's dad) had left some money in his will for my two biological brothers but none of his other great-grandkids.  Because of the way things turned out, my brothers were the only ones at the time who carried the "family name" as their surname...  but all of my brothers did, the two adopted ones and the two biological ones - but only my biological brothers got the money.  It struck me as very odd, because one of my adopted little brothers was like his favorite grandkid - he was the one always over and visiting, and having fun with him.  It just struck me as odd.  Luckily my parents didn't feel the need to divulge this information to my brothers, I only found out because I had a habbit of listening when no one realized I was around.

Answer 7

Not in my own family, fortunately.  However, adopted people experience the "old fashioned values" thing all the time when people want to hide the truth from them, thereby perpetuating the old stigmas about adoption.  Stigmas that adopted children come from "bad blood" for instance were a big part of spurred the sealing of birth records.  Stigmas about of infertility were also a part of beginning this practice.

Answer 8

Its not surprising that they had adoptions some place in the family. I’m sure most families have had family members who had been adopted or who had been given up for adoption.  It’s not as if an adopted person can not care on a family name either.

I guess I was lucky that of the family I have been around I was never treated any differently just because I was adopted. It’s the same way with my cousin who is also adopted, of course he is much younger but no one on this side of the family has treated him differently. From what I hear from my Aunt his relatives on his dad’s side absolutely spoil him whenever they can and don’t treat him different then any of the other children.

Sorry to hear that Cruzgirl at least this boy has an Aunt who will support him in his time of need. Nice that your son was able to change your husbands family opinions Cowboyfan That they can now see what is truly important and that is family regardless if one is adopted or not.

Answer 9

I don't think only having blood children is really an old fashion value thing. Adoption has been around for a long time. Moses was adopted and even Jesus was adopted by Joseph.  I agree with you it is hypocritical of your grandparents and this is something I have experience with my father in law. He says his blood line ends with him because he has no grandchildren. My Dad says that is fine, he didn't want to share my kids anyway. So hopefully, you have some family members to make up for those who have a lot of short comings

Answer 10

This is sad and I'm sorry that you ever had grandparents like that. Most grandparents are wonderful I wouldn't have wanted them anyways.

Now i'm really worryed about my Grandson he was put up for adoption without my son consent. Hunter isn't and can't be adopted and my son has vistaion rights right now and he will cont to fight to bring Hunter home. Now this couple are having a child of their own and it worrys me to death how they will treat him after the baby is born.

Answer 11

"old fashioned values" = justification of bigotry.

People have adopted children since Egyptian times.  Moses is a good example.  Yes, I wouldn't be too proud of those grandparents.

Answer 12

Yes we have......my father and my husband's mother......Now they are my DD favorites....Once they hold that baby....EVERYTHING changes.

People are scared of the unknown.

Answer 13

I can't imagine how anyone could be opposed to adopting a child. Those sorts of people are selfish, not old-fashioned.