Older Adoption: How Do We Know This Is God's Will For Our Family?

Question

Hi,

Do you have any personal experience w/ domestic adoption of children older than 3? If so, will you share your insight and maybe a scriptural reference? We are considering domestic adoption of siblings ages 4 and 5. Our child would still be the oldest. There is no history of abuse of these two as far as we know. My heart is very open to the possibility of these kids, but my husband is a little more hesitant. We both agreed two weeks ago to have our profile shown to the birth family and then take it from there, but the agency now wants us to really pray over this first to see where God is really leading our family and get back to them. I can see where they are coming from. We need to be on the same page. I guess we were just hoping to have more info about this family. Keep in mind that the birth parents may not even choose us after all this. Thanks for your support and any insight you may have. If you feel led to pray for us, thank you!!!

Peace and blessings,

EW

Answer 1

I have three children adopted from China.  In each case, I firmly believed that it was God's will I adopt this particular child, because how else would our paperwork have been brought together?  There were thousands of children available for adoption....how was I matched with these three in particular?  It had to be divine intervention!

It's not for me to tell you what to do, but if these children are being presented to you, I suspect that God has a reason for making it so.   I can also tell you that my youngest child was four years old at the time of adoption, and it was a WONDERFUL age to adopt.

Answer 2

My husband and I adopted two girls.  One at age 6, three and a half years ago and the other at age 14, a year and a half ago.  I believe that if God brought them into your life, then you know what you have to do.

James 1:27 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

Answer 3

it's NOT God's Will ANY child B unwanted/ abandoned. This is Y He provided a way 4 them 2 have better lives. so many ppl have adopted kids who otherwise may've died. lack of love/nurturing scars kids, often 4 life. HOWEVER, GOD can HEAL those scars. I'm living proof that God can heal the deepest of scars from abuse, & abandonment, & even wen parents R emotionally UNavailable 2 their kids, & the kids have nowhere else 2 turn. unfortunately, so many ppl in the survivor's adult life tend 2 treat that persobn like they did something 2 deserve they abuse they go, wen really, NO they did NOT do anything 2 deserve it. Sometimes adults do bad things & little kids can't help it. kids R often caught in the middle wen abuse cycles R present. abuse is an endless vicous cycle that NEVER just "goes away" on its own w/o the abuser's desire 2 change.

Answer 4

I have no scriptural references to support adoption or not adoption...you just have to pray about it and go with what you feel is best, like any decision.

It is good that your child will be the oldest, it is always harder when you mess up the birth order of kids.

I will tell you this, whenever I can keep siblings toegther, I consider it a gift from God...the fact that there are children this young available is another gift.

Foster Care and Adoption Social Worker who is also a Christian.

Answer 5

Someone told me once : "If wild horses can't stop you from  doing something, it must be right!"  Never quite knew what horses had to do with anything, but it stuck with me!

Anyway, the idea is -- if nothing can stop you from parenting this two children -- and you keep moving forward, toward this decision -- then it is possibly the right decision for them/you.  But you both have to be moving forward together.

The very best of luck to you and the children!!

And for those who say that we should not adopt children but rather help their parents -- HELLO -- these birthparents have made this decision.  Aren't parents who are able to separate from their children entitled to see they are loved by another family?  Isn't the ability to make this decision reason enough?

Answer 6

While I do not have experience with adoption of older children, I do believe that if God leads you to it, he will lead you through it.  

We also struggled with infertility (still do).  We hadn't given a lot of thought to adoption and then one day a friend told us she wanted us to meet a family who was making an adoption plan for their child.  At first, I was not interested.  But the more my husband and I prayed about it, we felt that this was God's answer to our prayer to have a family.  He may not always answer the way in which we think He will, but He does provide the answers.  We just have to open our Hearts to hear the answer.  

I will pray for you.  Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 7

Why are the birth parents giving up a 4 and 5 year old for adoption?

If your husband is hestitant then PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS for the sake of these two children. If they are being abandoned by their birth parents at ages 4 and 5 and I know that they would know whats going on, then to have someone not really 100% to take them in , this will mess them up forever.

If your husband can not get on the same page, then maybe it IS NOT God's work ? because surely if it was BOTH Of you would be on the same page.

Go on to have your next Biological child, and suggest that these people get professional help to preserve their family

(unless they are abusers ? but then they wouldn't need to see profiles and so on would they? - what is the story ?)

Answer 8

Older child adoption is a major endevor and these children will have a lot of needs.  You need to both be confident that you are able to meet those needs.  It will be a huge trauma for these children to be removed from their family, and something not good has been going on in their lives if they are being placed for adoption.  

Read Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck.  Research RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) and about attachment in adoption in general.  If you are prepared to meet the needs of children who might have significant grief and attachment issues, then adopt these boys.  They may not have huge attachment difficulties, but you need to be prepared for the possibility.  They will almost certainly need someone who can provide therapeutic attachment parenting.  They will probably need counseling, which will probably consist as much of teaching you therapeutic parenting techniques as it will them meeting with the counselor.  There are some positives in the situation.  It is good that they are younger than your child you already have in the home.  And it is good that they will be together.  Just really be prepared and research deeper than just what it feels like God is leading you to do - please go deeper than that.

Answer 9

What would Jesus do?  

Did Jesus only help children, or did he help ALL the people, young and old alike?

It seems to me, that far too many people use God as an excuse to go about procuring children while not giving a second thought to helping these kids' parents...or the rest of the starving, poor, needy people in these impoverished countries.

We see a lot of people adopting thousands of kids from China, or from Russia, or from Guatemala...but what is relieving these countries of their children going to do to solve the REAL PROBLEMS in those countries that are causing so many "orphans" to be available for adoption in the first place?  Seems to me, the real Christian thing to do would be to help ALL the people and get these nations on their feet so that they don't have to abandon their children in the first place.

What are you doing to help this child's family, this child's parents, the rest of the people in this child's life?  Or is it just that you want a child, and are using God as a convenient reason to get one?

Answer 10

Ma'am I believe that if it is God's will then those things which we seek will happen..I believe God never presents us with any single task in life that he feels we cannot handle, and the thing about our awesome God is that he is a good father and if he has put this forth before you there is a reason...It takes a special person, or in your case special couple to be parents..and think he has chosen you,.out of all the people, for this possible task in life.." What you do unto the least of them, you do unto me."  I hope you and your husband consider this, and if chosen led them to God...Remember life's roads are meant for journey's, not destinations..Good luck and may God wrap his arms around you and keep you next to him...

Answer 11

GOD BLESS YOU as you contemplate this change in your family!  set aside a quite time and pray about it as a family and give yourselves some time to soak in the answer.  I think if it's what GOD wants you to do you will feel a great peace about it!  if you can't all get that peace in your heart, wait !  There maybe another child GOD has in mind for you!  also make sure your child takes part in the prayer and encourage them to tell GOD of his or her fears!  when the prayer is over address those fears and reassure them that while the kids will be family and we will try to love them with all our hearts NO_ONE can replace you and the love we feel for you  will not change, we are all in this together! good-luck and GOD BLESS  your family! you will be blessed for your kind, loving hearts!