Older Sister Problems!!!! PLEASE HELP!!!!?

Question

Just recently I have noticed A LOT of change in my sister. She just graduated from high school and is dating her best friends god brother (her god mothers son) who is a 22 year old who she claims has a job. She REFUSES to let anyone in my family, including my parents, meet him.

Okay so one thing I have noticed is that she is EXTREMELY protective of her phone. She will literally physically attack anyone who tries to take it. One day I was looking through her phone for a picture she took of the two of us and I was shocked to see all of these pictures to WAY gruesome to explain. Let's just say there was a lot of naked stuff of not only her, but of a few other guys too. So (I know, I know I shouldn't have done this) but I was taking advantage of the fact that I actually had her phone I looked through some of her texts and found more pictures and these guys that live like an hour away from us telling her to send them videos of her masturbating and having an o****m. I WAS SO SHOCKED. I just cried for hours because I didn't think she was like that at all. She has always been so innocent.

Then, today she left her phone at home again and I was looking for this funny video me and my friend made on her phone and the first thing I saw on the list was like three pictures of her as oprah would say va-jay-jay. Of course I exited out imediatly, but still come on! And one day I was in her car and she had all of her seats in the back layed out with two pillows and a blanket layed out. So I'm pretty sure she is not a virgin anymore which is very disapointing.

Also, she has been wearing SUPER S****y clothes and she goes over to her friends house every once in a while and they get really drunk and messed up. She also refuses to get a job and just takes money from my dad all the time. I also found a copy of the KAMA SUTRA in her room when I was organizing her bookcase for her and she had cut outs from magazines on all these different s*x hints.

In conclusion... MY SISTER IS BECOMING A s**t... and I don't know what to do. I love her with all of my heart. but this needs to change! I always call her a s**t and she is always like why do you call me that because she doesn't know that I know any of this. Please help me!!! I need help, advice... and I WANT MY SISTER BACK.

Answer 1

Hi... i'm sorry to see you're so distressed over your sister's behaviors, however, it's not up to you to direct your sister's life... or to pry into her phone, either.    

Truth is, we are all sexual beings, and some people are more adventurous than others.  This is not to say we should go out and have s*x with everyone and anyone -- we all need to be careful and have protected s*x, trust the person we are with and etc.  

Sexual games and experimentation are not uncommon, either.

If your sister isn't a virgin anymore, believe me, she will probably be just fine.  Her body, and her choice.  She is maturing and making her own decisions - whether you think they are morally sound or unsafe, or not.

Your sister's choice of clothing, isn't something that you can change. You have no control over what another person wears, unless they are your minor child.

If your dad is giving your sister money, it's his money and also his choice.  If he doesn't want to, he will stop.  

My best advice to you is to accept your sister at face value.  And if you don't like her lifestyle, then don't do the same things she does.

Also, if you are concerned about her welfare, let her know... she will likely tell you to mind your own business.

take care of YOU, and control your own actions... you can't control anyoone else.

Answer 2

Personally I think this is pretty dangerous behavior. The fact that you saw the pic's is the least of her worries. Having s*x in your car in most places other than the garage is illegal and she can get arrested.

Also the types of pic's on her phone could also have legal repercussions. Any time you bring that sort of stuff home, even if its just on her phone I think the parents should be involved. It was not illegal to look on her phone, if she lost the phone, anyone finding it would have to look to try and return it.

Yes we all want privacy. But your dad is most likely paying the phone bill for this phone and does not realize he is paying for his daughter to provide x****d pic's for whoever.

She will hate you but I think she is participating in very risky behaviors that in today's world could get her injured, exposed to a disease that she cannot "wash" off or hurt by some wierdo she is meeting on line or otherwise. No decent guy really interested in her would want her to subject herself to this. You may be wrong about her not having a job.

Unfortunatly these types of behaviors are ones sleezy people will pay for.

She could end up getting hurt by someone. I hate to say this but I would rather make an error on the side of safety and tell my parents than risk somthing happening to my sister.

I know you are violating her privacy, but she should have taken that into consideration when she brought the phone home and left the material unprotected and for anyone in the family to see. She could have protected the info with a password or some other way but she chose not to. Maybe she is in over her head and doesnt know how to ask for help or guidance and you may be the only person who could let someone responsible know to help her.

Your in a tight spot but I would rather have her mad at me than have somthing happen to her.

Answer 3

The best thing you can do for your sister is confront her. If she doesn't want to listen, tell your parents. They may be able to convince her to be more dignified, and get her therapy if needed.

Unfortunately, if neither of these work, the only thing you can do is let it go and learn from her mistakes. In other words, don't allow her S****y ways to influence you and remain a responsible person.

Answer 4

I am an older sister, and I understand how important it is for older sisters to be good role models for their younger sisters...

Why don't you write her a note, telling her how much you love her and how much you miss her in your life.

If she has been there for you in past stages of your life, let her know that...

It is really important for us older sisters to remember what model we are giving off to our younger sisters! A subtle reminder should help her understand that what she is doing is not only affecting her, but it is affecting you to.

Best of luck, and I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.

Answer 5

You invaded her privacy which is illegal. She is an adult. She can do whatever the h**l she wants to whether you like it or not. Tell your sister that you went through her phone and her personal life and I hope she stays away from you. She didn't tell you because of the things you are saying now. That she is a s**t. Whether she is or isn't, is NONE, I repeat, NONE of your business and you need to MYOB.