Older children adoption shower, have you done it?

Question

This is for any adoptive parent who has adopted older children, especially those who don't have biological children. I am wondering if anyone threw you a "shower" or party of sorts to welcome you into the world of parenting? I know its different but this is a pretty big deal to us becoming actual parents (we have been foster parents but now we actually get to be mom and dad) and I just didn't know if it was "normal" to have a shower or party. MOst others I know who have adopted have either adopted a child who was already in their home via foster, or the child they adopted was there like 12th. So we don't have anyone in our group or world who has done what we are doing, adopting three children ages 4,5 & 6.

Thanks, appreciate your stories!

Answer 1

I'm not cool with adults showering with older kids, 2 years old MAX>

Answer 2

When a friend finally adopted their 2 girls, they had already had them for a year or 2 as fosters.  We did do a big party and everyone had gifts for the girls since they needed clothes, toys, all sorts of things that they hadn't gotten over the years.  The girls were 7 & 9 I think (It was a while ago)

No matter what age they arem, hther they are biological or adopted, the sudden inclusion of a child full-time is expensive.  Having the party also helped them feel like they really belonged.

Answer 3

whatever you do, please don't call it "gotcha" day.  that's so degrading to an adoptee.

very hurtful, too.

Answer 4

I really don't think the term "shower" would be appropriate

But I think a great welcome to the family party would be awesome.

Invite EVERYONE.... all the uncles, the aunts, the fifth cousins twice removed...Have a huge bash to welcome that child to your family.

**** GOTCHA DAY???? ewwwww

Answer 5

When we adopted our son (out of foster care) we had a party.  I sent out announcements and invited friends and family to help welcome him into our family.  It was a way for everyone to find out about the addition to our family.

*Edit~~Gotcha day is a day that is very well known.  It is the day that you came home.  It is a phrase that is pretty popular especially when adopting kids after birth.  It is kind of a symbol of the special day the child came home with you (not necessarily the adoption day).  Because adoptive families don't have a lot to share about the child's actual birthday they can share about the day that they "Gotcha" your first day in the home, what lead up to it, who share it, etc.  I am surprised you have not heard of this phrase.

Answer 6

When my little sister, now 4, was adopted it was also her 1st birthday.  So when my mom and grandma came home from China, my Aunt threw a meet and greet//first birthday party.  She got presents not only for her birthday!  It was really fun and a great way for everybody, both family and friends, to meet my little sister!  Maybe you could do something like that for your kids!

We also celebrate "Gotcha Day".  Each year she gets something special my mom bought in China.  She loves this day and I think its a great way to celebrate our family!

Answer 7

Ive been to a few where there are parties for the soon to be parents of older children.

However i went to one when the child was there and it was a lot more meaningful. The child felt a lot more excepted into the new living style.

its up to you and your partner.

Answer 8

"want the party because it is one thing we may miss out on by not having biological child. "

sounds like too much pressure for the party.

ETA to OP's response:   I don't think you are selfish to want to celebrate your passage to adoptive motherhood and if that's what you want maybe two events are in order - one to honor you and give you support from other moms and another party to welcome the children to your family.

Answer 9

We have plans to hold a shower, hopefully before the children are placed with us (we don't want to overwhelm them with a huge party).  The main purpose, for us, will be to get "stuff".  We're far from rich (I think I've already established that our kids are going to hate us because we're not providing a pool, pony, and tiara, lol), and we don't have a whole lot of kid stuff because we don't know what to get.  We don't know what size of clothing to get, or what types of toys.  We don't know how old they will be, what gender, or what their heritage will be.  So, from the time when we go to committee to when the child is placed with us, we're going to have to work FAST to get everything we need.

BTW, we have all the basics...furniture, a few basic toys that should be useful for any child within our age range, etc.  Just nothing child-specific, gender-specific, age-specific, etc.

ETA:  OMG, WTF is "Gotcha Day"?  That makes me queasy.  Blech!