Oldest daughter feeling left out and jealous of little sister. My bad judgment or her acting the spoiled brat?

Question

A couple of months ago my youngest daughter (aged 7) started spending her money on earrings 'ready for when I get my ears pierced' and on Saturday started showing me her collection. I'll wear these at school because school only lets you have studs in for sport, these ones would be good for ASH (after school hours), these ones match my red dress, these ones would go with with jeans and t-shirt' etc. I asked when she planned on getting them pierced, and she told me as soon as I told her she could.

I suggested we make it girls day. Instead of cooking lunch, we go to the Italian restaurant, then we go into town, buy ourselves new dresses, go to the cinema, get our ears pierced (my holes closed up years ago), then finish off by going for ice cream. All went to plan and we had a great day.

Now, my older daughter (aged 9) is mad at me, she was at her father's for the weekend and feels 'left out'. It was unfair for me to let her little sister get earrings before her (the reason being she never asked for them or expressed any interest), and feels I should have waited until she could have been part of the event.

Answer 1

I would ask her if she really wants her ears pierced, or if she just wants the alone time with Mom. I am betting she is jealous of the time her sister got with you, more than the new earrings. Maybe make a girls day for just you and your older daughter, even if she doesn't get her ears pierced, I bet that you could find something to do in place of that. Maybe a manicure or pedicure, or a makeover at a dept store make up counter.

Answer 2

Have you ever seen the show "Jon and Kate plus 8"? if not, i suggest watching it on TLC. it is a reality show about parents with sextuplets (thats six) who are four and twins who are eight.  the twins tend to be very jeleous of their younger brothers and sisters, so the parents took each child out to somewhere they wanted to go by theirselves.  I think you should explain to your older daughter that this was a day the younger daughter could do with just mommy (since she was getting her ears pierced.) then think of something that you could do with the older daughter, that you couldn't with the younger.  EG: see a movie she can't see, rollerbladeing, etc.  this will make the older daughter feel special because she is by herself with you.

Answer 3

Your 9yr old isn't being a spoiled brat but she may be over reacting a little if she was causing a big uproar over it. However if she just expressed herself then yeah I would say she has a right to feel that way. The best thing you can do for her at this point is to ask if she wants her ears pierced, or better yet find something that she would enjoy doing with you ALL DAY like you did with your other daughter. Something you could do with just your 9 yr old. Then from then on do more things with both girls together, and if you want to do things separately occasionally which is ok, don't do it before you plan a special day with the other daughter. Being 9 and 7 means they are still very young, they are not teenagers or adults, which means being more mindful of how things affect them.

Answer 4

I dont think your eldest daughter is acting like a brat i just think she feels left out maybe you could take her out on her own and you can have another girls day out i think she just needs some qualitly time with her mum maybe you could go shopping go for a meal or even you could both go to a salon and have a manicure or something like that

Hope it helps x

Answer 5

I can see why she felt left out. Now you need to do the same thing for her, just the 2 of you. Tell her that you did not mean to hurt her feelings. I can understand why you did it. Sometimes you want some alone time with each of your children, so you can give them your full attention. You just need to make sure you do this for both.  

Answer 6

I think you were probably a little insensitive not thinking of her.  Talk to her about it, let her know that you are sorry for being insensitive, but that next time she needs to talk to you about it without having such an attitude.  Arrange a day to do the same thing with her, and make sure you do it alone just like you did with the other daughter so she gets her mom time too.

Answer 7

take her for her own day out with the two of you when the little one is at daddys. she just feels left out is all.

Answer 8

I don't think she's acting like a brat and I don't think you had bad judgment. It just sounds like she felt a little left out. Why not take her out for her own day? Tell her you two can do whatever she wants(obviously within reason).

Answer 9

You don't have bad judgment and your daughter is not acting like a spoiled brat. Your daughter was probably upset that her little sister was getting your attention in a fun way and she wasn't. Being an older sister, I know. I get jealous of my brother and sister quite often because they always steal mom from me. I will be in my mom's room talking to our mom and they just waltz in and take all her attention and turn towards them. I say anything and mom and the brats don't even notice or they kick me out. My sister hits me and Dad does nothing. Mom don't care because she's the youngest. Adam hits me, Mom cheers him on and calls me names. Lately I have felt left out a lot. My dad praises us on our accomplishments pretty often. Mom almost never praises us. The only time she praises me is when I tell her something new I did while babysitting the neighbor kids. Mom praise the brats on good grades.The brats hog her up.  I do all the chores too. I feed the cats and birds, do the dishes, change the litter box ,and I clean my sister's room! My bro is 14 and my sis is 12. I'm 15. What you should do is praise her for the good things she does and have a Girl's Day out with just her and you.  When the girls get to the age where they can do dishes and care for pets. The girls should each do an even amount of chores. Give them each an equal amount of attention and don't cheer on bad behavior. Ground or put them in timeouts if they hit each other or you. Don't ignore either of them unless they are being bad and tattling on each other. Do the mother, daughter day the same way for each of them with something different in the end of each day for the girls to be age appropriate.

Answer 10

i dont think she was acting like a brat she probbly did fell left out cause heres the thing i have a younger sister who really alwasy gets her way so every once in awhile i like to be involve with hangin out with my mom but every time my mom and sis go out somewere without even asking me if i would like to go i do get mad your older daughter mit of wonted her ears peairced but she just maby thought you would say no since you didnt even have yours peaiced so she wanted to be involed with maby even just hanging out.