One cannot love an adopted child as much as a birth child?

Question

I've asked a few questions about what people think about someone choosing to be childfree and got a couple of answers stating how someone cannot love an adopted child as much as one they had by birth, or that it's so wonderful to be pregnant with your own baby.

First I don't see how pregnancy would be wonderful...

And second, I cannot understand how anyone could say they wouldn't love an adopted child as much as their own child. Why wouldn't you love that child just as much? To me, it seems like adopting a child in need is so much more better than adding to the population.

But, despite it sounding horrible, is it true? I’m sure not for everyone, but would it be harder to love an adopted child as much as a child by birth?

Answer 1

My mother and her brother (my uncle) were both adopted by my grandparents.  Grandma had a burst appendex in the 1920's and thankfully she lived through it, but had to have a full hysterectomy at age 16.  She loved babies and worked in the OB/GYN ward in New Jersey in the 1940's.  My mom's birth mother died during childbirth with no family in the U.S., and my grandma adopted her right then (things were a bit easier those days).  Two years later, a similar story with my Uncle.  Grandma loved her kids with all her heart and soul,and the feeling was mutual from both kids.  Mom still "forgets" she was adopted and even calles her adoptive father "Daddy" when she speaks of him (he died when she was just 17).

So, yes, a parent can love an adopted child just as much as blood, or even more since many times it is a godsend.

Flash Forward a generation...

My 19 year old daughter says IF she ever wants a child, she will adopt because she doesn't ever see herself being pregnant.  Right now, she believes she will never have kids, and that is her choice.  I know a few couples that don't want kids and they are very happy.  I also know couples that have kids they didn't really want, and the kids are suffering because of it.

As for pregnancy being "wonderful"...I had a love/hate both times.  It was awesome growning a new life, but I hated my body during and afterwards.  It was very uncomfortable most of the time, but I was lucky enough to have two very healthy, beautiful babies whom I wouldn't trade for the world.

Answer 2

why not???

Answer 3

I personally think that I would love an adopted child as much as I love my own children but I honestly don't think that it is for everyone...I don't think I would ever adopt just for the fact that in my heart I don't think that my husband would love an adopted child the same as ours and I would never expose a child to that. My mother was murdered when I was 4 and I was given to my father (divorced from my mom and already re-married) My step mother was pregnant when this happened and she treated me like garbage....my 1/2 brother was GOLD and I was my dad's trash....all my life I was abused and mistreated and I would NEVER EVER wish that on another child.....now I don't think my husband would do what was done to me but I know that he just wouldn't see another child the same as his and kids pick up on that stuff and its just not fair!

Answer 4

I have 2 adopted cousins and my uncle and aunt still love them just as much

Answer 5

For me it would not, I would love any child that I took in as my own. If I could not love the child as much I would love my biological child I would not adopt it. To me that is a very ignorant statement. that statement was made to hurt someone in my opinion, it is not based on fact or no one would ever adopt.

Answer 6

Anyone who would say that is just plain ignorant.  But, being pregnant IS wonderful.  Sure, there's some pain involved, but overall it's great.  I see where you come from though, I suppose it's not for everyone.  And as long as a couple is responsible and only has one or two, then that's fine.

Answer 7

I think any time you raise a child, whether it is yours by blood or by law, youre going to love him/her just as  much either way. now, that being said, i have 2 kids of my own, and having my choice i love having my own flesh and blood. but if a couple cannot have children of their own and want a child to love i think its great that they can adopt and have a chance to raise a child, and dont see how they could love him/her any less then i love the 2 im raising.

Answer 8

Truth be told I have one of each....a child from my womb and one that is my husband and my sister's blood. The adopted came first and he is such a joy...I love him so much! He is the light in my sky and the reason I wake up. His sister who is 2 years younger and a complete miracle means just the same to me. They rule my heart and my life! I love them each in their own special way and just the same as well. Hope this helps. Mandy