One more rule in mom's house?

Question

I make the rules in my house. i have this son who moved out and now he is back home again. i want him to follow my rules. he is a sweet kid or adult that is 26. He is smart works hard and takes care of himself. lately he found another love. so i told him when and if he stays out past 2 in the morning please phone and let me know you are not coming home. But the other night he did not come home until the next day at 4 in the afternoon. imam hurt i told him this is not just a pad place were you can come and go. i also told him to respect me . Now he is mad. He said he pays rent. yeah right 4 hundred dollars were in california can you get a room food and hot showers besides clean clothes. so now what to do he wont listen and when i tell his dad. his dad said imam hard on him what is your input on this. imam to hard or what. what would you do in a case like this thanks

Answer 1

He's 26 and old enough to take care of himself.  Quit doing his laundry for one.  He's old enough to do his own.  If he thinks the rent he gives you is fair then sit down and figure out how much you pay for gas, water, food, electric, insurance, house payment, split it by the number of adults in the house and give him the adjusted rent statement.  If he does not like that then he can move out.  There are efficiency apartments in California too.  There are even places call rooming houses where he would have a room of his own and share a bath with the floor.

Frankly he is taking advantage of you and your husband's good nature.  How long do you want to put up with it?  How long does your husband want to support his son?  until he's 50?

Answer 2

I don't see you being hard at all. yes,he pays rent,but that's dirt cheap for today's living.He should't get mad if you want a phone call from him.It's a matter of respect and it doesn't sound like he has that.Tell him to do his own laundry.your his mother not his maid.I have two son's myself and i know it's hard,cuz' their our kids no matter how old they are.Mine are both older than your son,and i tend to do more for them than i should,but after awhile they take advantage cuz' they know they can! Mom,step up to the plate and tell him all's you want is respect. Your the parent! Good luck.

Answer 3

to him it feels like teen years all over again..treat him with maturity..and like an adult..if hes a good kid..then u shud have no worrys about why he didnt come home..but dont nag him..and definetly dont tell the dad 2 handle it..it'll just make things worse..it'll make him wanna move out..so jus make it clear u want a call from him if its getting late..dont make any curfews..cause then he'll b upset again..

Answer 4

You tell him its not a matter of you wanting to keep tabs on him. Tell him that its a matter of simple courtesy to let you know he isn't coming home so you don't worry when he doesn't. Ask him how he would like it if you and his father went out one night and decided to get a motel room and not go home but didn't bother telling him about it. He would worry himself sick.

He is an adult. He needs to know that treating a person with respect isn't so much following the rules as it is showing that you care enough to prevent unnecessary worry.

Then you tell him that if he can't abide by your rules he can spend his money on another place which will cost so much that he won't have money to go anywhere or do anything. Its his choice.

You do his laundry? Refuse to do it if he thinks he is such an independent adult that he doesn't have to show you common courtesy. If he is that independent he should be washing his own clothes and buying his own groceries.

Answer 5

In all honesty m'dear, the kid's 26 years old. It's time for him to be entirely responsible like most other people his age. Let him go, he's not going to die. He'll have a rough time at first, sure, but it'll build his character. He has to realize these things don't come easy. And if he's not going to respect you, why should you take care of him? He'll be fine.  

Answer 6

well this is a similar case in my home too with my brother... but dad tries and makes a balance there.. he must at least call you..if my brother does not obey home rules... my and mom treat him like any other renter that gives him a message... i also fake my mom's students(my mom is a school teacher) as renters and show him we can get double the rent...this of course when dad is not around.. that keeps him in place...

Answer 7

For the love of "PETE". Cut the apron strings already. He's not a kid anymore and he's paying you rent.

If you want his respect stop 'telling' and start 'asking' instead.

  

Answer 8

don't think your asking for much. In life parents aways worry about their kids no matter what age they are. even tho he's older and have his own life. He shouldn't get mad at you for you to just make a phone call.