One of my bridesmaids just cancelled 4 days before my wedding!! Should I forgive her?!?

Question

I am so upset right now. Jane got married two Saturdays ago and I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. I am getting married this Saturday and she was supposed to be a bridesmaid in mine.

Then, today, I get a text message from her saying that she's totally exhusted, pulled a muscle and she's nervous about flying because of a hurricane (which doesn't make sense because the hurricane has moved out of her state into another, plus she wouldn't be flying out until Friday).

I called her and she didn't answer the phone.

To make matters worse, when it was her wedding, she said I could stay with her family in order to save money on a hotel. Then, at the last minute she says her house is going to be crowded and made me find a hotel.

PLUS, I wasted like $50 buying dress clothes for her wedding rehearsal (I hadn't packed any, but she insisted that the dinner was formal) then when we got there, no one except her and me were dressed up.

To add insult to injury, the same thing happened to her -- one of her bridesmaids cancelled at the last minute and she was forced to scramble around to find a replacement. So she should know EXACTLY how I feel.

I am so angry right now but am trying not to call and curse her out because she has her bridesmaid dress and I don't want to p**s her off and she refuses to send it to me or something crazy.

Answer 1

Forgiveness doesn't mean you're letting her off the hook or saying what she did was right. Forgiving her lets you move on with your life. I would say this person isn't a good friend and you should let her go.

Don't worry about having one less bridesmaid. It's no problem. When you rehearse the coordinator will tell you how to proceed without this bridesmaid.

Regarding the waste of money on her wedding - you went. It was your choice and you were at the wedding. Hopefully you had some fun. Other than trying to sell your dress on Ebay I would just chalk this one up to life experience, which has a lot of value if you use it going forward.

I hope you can forgive this woman and have a wonderful wedding.

Answer 2

Id be PISSED & would probably never talk to her again ESPECIALLY since she cant be a woman and talk to you on the phone about it. In my eyes she was never a real friend to begin with if she could do all that to you so easily.

Answer 3

I think you're right to be upset (especially since she did this by text message).  The piling on of unrelated excuses sounds insincere.

Don't worry about a replacement -- seriously.  You have enough on your plate.  Your guests won't care if the numbers are unequal, and your photographer will know a way to make the pictures look balanced.  No one will care if there is not perfect symmetry.  It's going to be a beautiful wedding, all the more so because your flakey friend isn't going to be there jacking things up.

Take the high road.  Don't call her, don't curse at her.  The ball is in her court to apologize.  You have other things to worry about.

Hope your wedding otherwise goes smoothly.  Congrats and enjoy!

Answer 4

Mrs X said it perfectly.

Answer 5

You have every right to be upset with her. What she did to you was very rude.  You are not being a bridezilla for being upset so don't listen to Tamara.   I would try calling her again and if she doesn't answer leave her a message that she needs to call you ASAP so you know what is going on.  If she paid for her own dress then you really can't ask for it back.  I don't think you have enough time any way to get the dress from her even if she mails it to you tomorrow.  You could try to get a replacement and see if the store has another dress in her size.  If you can't find a replacement you can just have the person who was going to be her partner walk down by him self.  I have seen it done before and it still was a lovely wedding.  Whatever you decide to do I hope it works out for you and Don't let your friend ruin your day for you.  You can have a great day with out her.

Answer 6

Jane has shown you over and over she is not a true friend:

* She cancelled out by text message rather than at least talking to you by phone.

* She's avoiding you, not even allowing you to say your piece.  

* Her excuses for cancelling out appear lame.

* She told you you could stay at her house, but didn't honor that.

* She gave you incorrect information about the rehearsal formality, causing you to waste money.

I completely understand why you're angry and I don't think you're a bridezilla in the slightest.  I think though it's a waste of your time to be mad at her.  Simply delete her from your life.  No need to call or email her--just never have anything to do with her again, unless perhaps she begs for forgiveness some day.  And consider yourself lucky that you are no longer wasting time and energy over someone who disregards your feelings, doesn't honor her word, and takes so much more than she gives.  Don't worry about it if you have an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.  Just consider yourself lucky you are no longer wasting time and energy on a phony friend.  Don't let her ruin your special day!

Answer 7

I can see why you are upset. The reasons she gave you are very weak.... and there must be some other reason. Just please try not to let this ruin your big day! If you have to go one brides maid short it will be ok!! As for forgiving her..well if it was me i would want some straight answers from her before I did!

and IMO I do not think you're a bridezilla... your friend knew your wedding was going to be shortly after hers and if she thought it would be too much for her she should of refused to be a bridesmaid or gave you more notice than a week before hand!!

Answer 8

Of course your ticked - she abandoned you and did not even have the courtesy to talk to you.  Not being a very good friend.  

She probably IS exhausted,  I'm sure you're exhausted, too. She knew of your wedding date and made all these plans, she should have followed through with her commitment - after all you followed through on yours two weeks before your own wedding.  How lame can her excuse be?  I'm sure there's another reason and I suspect it's that she just doesn't feel like it anymore....   Take a deep breath and let yourself calm down before you curse her out...  

Try to remember that this is probably not the worst thing that can happen, and enjoy your wedding.  Congratulations.

Answer 9

You do have a lot of money invested in this, but this isn't about money.  She has betrayed your friendship, and at the worst possible time.  You being in her wedding and then she being in yours 2 weeks later is just so great.  What a wonderful thing to plan together, and be part of each others lives!  You did your part, and even while you were doing that she was taking advantage of you.  It sounds like you handled it well, in spite of her acting poorly.  Now, when it's your turn, she bows out.  That is a huge slap in the face.

I have had a similar friend.  I decided to forgive her, and have regretted it.  We were friends for years, and I forgave her many times.  In the end, she totally betrayed me when my son was gravely ill.  That was the last time.  I wish I hadn't wasted so much time, energy, and money being her friend, because in the end, she wasn't worth it.

It sounds like you need to just carry on as best you can this week.  If she has the dress, you can't count on her getting it back to you in time for the wedding so you can get a wonderfully understanding last minute replacement.   Just let her keep the dress, and be done with her.  How she treated you at her wedding was awful- that was the first assault on your friendship.  Now her dropping out of your wedding is assault number two. Don't let it get to assault number three.    

Answer 10

I think you have every right to be angry!!! Those are horrible, pathetic excuses. She is very aware of how wrong she is, otherwise she would have answered your calls. Although I would be upset that I just wasted money, I would be more hurt over her inconsideration. She is supposed to be excited and happy for you, not add to your stress!!! Also, i certainly do not think you are a bridezilla!!! You are having a normal reaction to your friend acting like a bratty child. I dont care that she was just married herself. If anything, you think she would understand how it feels!! You may want to question your friendship wiht her!  Do not let this ruin your day!!! Even if you cannot find another bridesmaid, have two of the ushers walk down with one bridesmaid. No one will notice!!!! Congrats and have an amazing wedding!!!

Answer 11

Thats just ridiculous of all the money you spent to get her over here.

Honestly and she cancels by TEXT aswell. thats bad enough like but she doesnt even have the desensy to ring you at least.

get the dress back off you and get another close friend to do it. is she even coming to your wedding at all?

after the wedding just forget it and enjoy the married life.

i wish you a lifetime of happiness and good luck with this bridesmaid situation. your probably stressed out. take it easy, the best day of your life is in four days! :)

:]

Answer 12

Focus on having a good time at your wedding, not on how other people are acting. Others' ability to hurt you extends only as far as you let it: If you decide that her behavior is crucial to your wedding, you'll give yourself an ulcer over the actions of someone else that you can't control; if you dismiss her as an inconsiderate ***** and forget her right now, you can approach happiness at your wedding. Just change the logistics involved and proceed.  

Answer 13

Hi

Why are you wasting time and energy on her? She pulled the pin so let her bask in her ignorance. Show her that you have more substance than her and get in there and enjoy your last few days leading up to the wedding. Spend the rest of your energy on making sure you  and you hubbyto be enjoy your special day.

As to your question you have 2 options, be a bridesmaid down or quickly find a substitute, if you still have the dress?

Enjoy your day!

Cya

:)

Answer 14

so now you know who your friends are. Just do not worry about it relax and have fun you are getting married

Answer 15

you should be upset  5, 4, 3, 2, 1 now calm down you are getting married and she won't be there

Enjoy the day you don't need her drama

Answer 16

I know you're pissed and this seems like a lame excuse.  But you think on your feet.  Just be nice, get the dress back and find someone to fit into it.  This is your big day and you WILL NOT let something like this ruin it.  Just get a warm body in that dress and think about other stuff.  This is going to be a perfect day, whether she is there or not.  No do overs on this one.  So, you can forgive her or whatever, I mean, some people are more selfish than others, that is just true.  This is about you having a wonderful start to your relationship with your man, not about some girl who flakes on you.

Answer 17

DUDE! You should be happy she isn't part of your wedding anymore! She sounds like a total donkey! No worthy bridesmaid would ever do that to the Bride! No matter what! A death might be the only valid reason to back out, and that's it! (as morbid as that sounds)

She knows what it feels like AND she did i all in a text! LAME!

I say OUST that friend! Be pissed, you have a right! and you ARE NOT a bridezilla!

It's the most important day of your life, you have a right to be angry with her!

I would say talk it out with her first but she won't answer your calls which is pretty much the icing on the cake. (no pun intended)

It's your party and you can cry if you want to!!!

Answer 18

OK, you're a Bridezilla. She JUST got married. Let her be. The first year of the marriage is the best. Don't pressure her with a wedding.

You need to get some help. I'd be a little mad too, but not that mad. If one of my bridesmaids dropped out, then I'd either find someone to replace her or just do without.

EDIT: Your being a Bridezilla for wanting to curse her out. She just got married! Give her time withe her new husband. I don't care how much you spent on her wedding.

Since you paid for the dress and she won't give it back, then take her to small claims court.

About the the dress, if she bought it, then she should keep it. If you bought it, you should get it back.

And it doesn't matter how much you spent on her wedding, she's tired, let her be.