One of my bridesmaids refuses to wear the dress I picked out for all of them to wear?

Question

The one she wants to wear would show her tattoo and is really low cut. The other ones are tasteful and I like them. Shouldn't it be what the bride wants? She said since she can't wear the dress she wants and the other one is sixty dollars more than the one she wants she's not going to be a bridesmaid. I understand the sixty dollars more but I would've contributed that if she had of told me she was having financial problems. However she makes more money and has less bills than most of the other bridesmaids.

Answer 1

Well it is ultimately her decision to be or not to be a BM.

Answer 2

KK, I very much agree with what you were saying, perhaps it came out a bit strong? Honestly, when I saw this question I thought, "Great, another Bridezilla making her girls wear something hideous and unflattering". I had it happen to me by my best friend... she knows I have body image issues and that my body type CERTAINLY wouldn't look even a little bit okay in a short strapless tube dress, but I was made out to be the bad guy in it.

After reading the rest of the question though, I have mixed feelings. On one hand, no, the bride certainly shouldn't be able to dictate exactly what another girl wears. That's why I LOVE LOVE LOVE (and am using for my own wedding) the idea of picking a color and letting my bridesmaids wear what they want in that color. But on the other hand, I think that the bride does have veto power in a case such as this. Inappropriate dresses have no place in such a special day.

Solution to the asker? Scrap the "clone" thing and either a) pick out a few different styles of dresses for them to choose from or b.) have each girl pick their own and run it by the bride, knowing full well the bride has veto power.

Answer 3

Sounds like she wants more attention focused on her for the day if she wants her tattoo to be shown. You need to remind her that this is your day and while you are willing to take her tastes into consideration, you do have the final say. If she doesn't like that, she doesn't have to be in your wedding. Remind her that being a bridesmaid is an honor, not a favor. If that's not what she wants, you may find someone else to fill her spot. I'm sorry to be harsh, but you should be the shining star on your wedding day. Not her.

EDIT: KK, it was the bridesmaid that had the audacity to want her TATTOO to be shown on her friend's wedding day. This is about a girl being so selfish as to want all attention focused on her tattoo instead of the bride. I really hope you aren't married or engaged as I would feel extremely sorry for any man with you. You probably make him take the blame for everything. You are so judgemental.

Answer 4

She's being a s**t. A dress REALLY low cut and to show off her tattoo. It's about you and hubby NOT her and her b***s and boob tattoo.

I say goodbye bridesmaid! They all agree but her and the dress she wants is a bit S****y to you. Say goodbye and have her not in the wedding

Answer 5

I would politely accept her decision to not be a bridesmaid.  This is your day, and yes, you get to choose the bridesmaids dress.  Hopefully you'll still be friends....Good Luck!

Answer 6

She is challenging you.

I would simply say, my wedding, my choice. Accept it or you are not a bridesmaid. Don't let her blackmail you into this

Agree with everybody else on KK's comment. If the bridesmaid had asked instead of demanded (I want that dress or else I don't wanna) compromise could possibly have been achieved. She came in all guns blazing and then you should not be surprised if you get shot down.

Answer 7

I am an event coordinator, and I see this problem A LOT!!!

Yes, it is YOUR day, but you have to be sympathetic of the people who are helping make your day special. Compromising is something that most brides do not do. Your friendship with this person is something that should be looked at. Are you willing to give her up as a friend because of a dress? The $60 in question is basically a communication problem. Obviously, she did not talk to you about possibly contributing to the dress. She could be having financial problems that you don't know about and she is too ashamed to tell you about.

OK, now I do agree with you that she needs to be tasteful in the wedding. If it is in a church, then I agree that it does not need to be super low cut. If she has a tattoo that is showing, there are other ways of covering them up that do not require a different dress. There is a type of makeup that covers tattoos.

I would talk to her and work out a compromise. Say, no, you cannot wear a low cut dress to the wedding because it is offensive to the church and my family. Go shopping with her, and if you both can agree on a dress that shows her tattoo, let her know that she can wear it as long as she agrees to use the make-up to cover her tattoo.

She has the dress, you have the tasteful wedding, everyone is happy.

If you don't feel like going through the hassle of compromising, then let her walk out of your wedding. Just make sure it's worth it.  

Answer 8

Oh dear stop fussing over this girl, its your day so you are one bridesmaid down, who cares ? everyone will be looking at you anyway.

I am getting married next June and if I were you I would accept her refusal of not being bridesmaid and let her go suck her thumb.

Be happy there is enough to worry about instead of some spoilt brat and her dress.

I agree with you, I have two tattoos and will be covering them up for Church.

Good luck with your day I am sure you will look beautiful.

Answer 9

it should be what you want and what looks good on them! if you have had no other complaints from the others, then she is the pain!

As well, you can suggest that the reason you picked the ones you did was because it would fit the "theme" more. It doesnt matter what society you live in, there is the unwritten thing that tattoos have a time to be shown and to be covered. YOUR day, an eventful, classy, dressy occassion does not have room for her tattoo.

Answer 10

Don't choose her...but NO, it isn't all about what the bride wants. That drove me nuts during my hubby's and my wedding! No one wanted to offer an opinion, even when I asked because they kept saying it was 'my day.' It's not all about you, and if you can find a compromise with all of them that would be best, but it doesn't sound like she is willing to compromise. My bridal party went with me and we decided together.

I did have someone similar though. I made the mistake of leaving them in the party and she was horrid. She made guests/family uncomfortable, and she upset my grandma. I will never forgive her for that because my grandma (God rest her soul) had cancer throughout her body and snuck in to help with the serving because this person failed to fulfill the 1 task she offered to help with.

Get rid of the person now.

Edit: KK, being reasonable is one thing, and compromise is great, but when the woman is being a handfull and threatening not to be in wedding unless she gets HER way, that is ridiculous. To call everyone else bridezilla just because they think it's wrong too is childish.

Answer 11

Your bridesmaid answered this question for you.  She is being unreasonable ... this is your wedding, not hers.  Time to look for a back up.

Best Wishes.

Answer 12

Hello bridezilla!

Bride does not mean entitled to your way or the highway. Is there somehow you can compromise with her? If she's that stubborn I would agree with finding a suitable replacement but it seems like you are trying to demand everything be your way like you're the princess and should be catered to. Find a middle ground or move on.

And for the record, her financial affairs are NONE of your business.

EDIT:

And it appears I managed to p**s off the resident bridezillas. How nice.

EDIT 2:

Did you ladies not take your fiber this morning? d**n. How rude. The bride has the audacity to say "Shouldn't it be what the bride wants?" and yet the other woman is the bad person? Come on now. I don't see anything other than the other woman wanting something a little tasteless. She just seems to have her own ideas. It's not unreasonable hence why I suggested COMPROMISE.

Jerks.

Answer 13

I say find another bridesmaid. If this is her attitude, she will be a pain for the rest of the wedding. You will have enough stress to deal with without her making a powerplay.

She is a bridesmaidzilla.

Answer 14

You know what? She might have different standards than you do. Or I'm assuming her taste is different. If you want to pick the dress, that is your privilege as the bride. If she doesn't want to wear it, that is her privilege as a human being. If she doesn't like your choice, then it's her right to withdraw from the wedding. It's not that big of a deal. Don't let it become one.

But consider, are you just wanting to get your way because you are the bride? Do you want someone standing at the front with you and having a tatoo showing? I wouldn't. It's your decision about whether or not these dresses are that important to you.

Answer 15

Try these words.  "I'm sorry to hear that the dress I've selected is not to your liking.  I understand completely if you'd like to back out of the wedding party."

Don't let Tattoed Tessy blackmail you into HER desires.  She can wear whatever she wants at her own wedding.

Answer 16

Honestly, if it was me - she'd be out of the bridal party.  Like most of the other answerers have said, it seems like she's trying to focus the attention on HER, when it's YOUR wedding.  Do any of your other bridesmaids have a problem with the dress you picked?

So what - she has to wear a dress that's she's not fond of for one day out of her life.  I'm sure there are other bridesmaids out there who wore dresses they didn't like and didn't complain about it.  If she was your friend, she wouldn't have a problem with it.  She'd be happy to be a part of your special day no matter what she had to wear.

Answer 17

If you are getting married in church, there is your out. Just tell her point blank she can't wear a low cut dress in your church. She has to wear the one you picked. If that is a deal breaker for her, offer what you can to help her, maybe split the difference in the cost with her. If she still can't cooperate, well, she needs to be in the audience of guests, not standing at the alter. And  only offer money help if you really want to.

She agreed to be a bridesmaid, she needs to honor her word. She has the rest of her life to make a big hairy issue out of the fact she has a tattoo, really, the rest of her life, last time I checked they are permanent!  She can stand to cover it up for a few hours for her friend.

If you want to tell her these things, feel free.

And don't worry if she backs out on you, a good friend would be there for you, not whining over a tattoo. And if you end up  short one bridesmaid, well the others will have to do extra duty to see that all the single males get danced with by a bridesmaid. Oh darn, more gorgeous single men for them, none for the tattoo floozy. Oh, darn again!  LOL.  

Answer 18

Its your wedding. If she doesn't want to cooperate then that's her problem.This is <u>YOUR</u> happy day. So you choose what the bridesmaid should wear.

Answer 19

Thats just selfish, ask someone else??

Answer 20

Tell her if she can't wear the dress that everyone else is wearing then she can't be in the wedding.  It is your wedding;not hers.  It should be what the bride wants.  When she said yes to being a bridesmaid she accepted all financially responsibility.  I'm sure it isn't an issue of money.  

Answer 21

She is being selfish.  All eyes are suppose to focused on you and not your bridesmaids chest.  Don't kiss her butt to be in your wedding or change just because of her.   Tell her she has a week to decide if she is going to be in your wedding or not.  If she don't want to be in it just find someone else.  This may seem harsh but it is your day and you don't need anyone ruing it for you.

Answer 22

Then she is not in the wedding. It is not her decision on the dress to wear. Explain all the other girls have no problem with the dress you picked out, and you are sorry she has one...but this is the dress you are going with. She can either be with you guys, or just another guest at the wedding.  

Answer 23

Look at some more dresses in the same color and try to come to a compromise. This is so not worth losing or straining a friendship over. Yes, it is your decision but she must really feel uncomfortable in the dress if she refuses to wear it.

Answer 24

Its supposed to be about the bride, if she cant cooperate, I wouldnt have her in the wedding.  It's not supposed to be the focus on her, so... yeah i'd say ditch her, you dont need friends like that  

Answer 25

its your wedding if she aint willing to wer the dress for a day then tell her she cant b a bridsmaid

Answer 26

remember it's yours and your partners day...

if you have chosen a dress for your bridesmaids then that's what  you have ...

just ask her again ...

if she complains  then tell her that you regret the fact that you wanted her to help celebrate the day but if she won't wear what you have chosen then you will have to replace her...

good luck

enjoy your day