One year old throws tantrums... won't sleep?

Question

I know I've asked this before, but I'm SO tired now... my mother and sisters told me I'm raising a little brat. He's almost one and throws the most awful tantrums... mostly I try to ignore it, but HE WON'T STOP, even when I ignore him.

At nap time and bedtime, it's always a battle to get him to sleep. We have a pretty solid routine, but that doesn't work either... He's so tired, he actually has circles under his eyes. We've been to the pediatrician for advice and he said my son's intelligent and hyperactive and I need to stimulate him more. I try, but even if I spend all day with him, taking him outside, letting him play in sand, reading, swimming, the zoo, toys way above his age (which he gets, but bores him after two minutes)... oh my goodness, I've tried everything, even then he still won't sleep. I've tried CIO, it doesn't work. I've tried cuddling, rocking, lotions for bath time and even (now out of desperation) a sort of sleeping medicine the pediatrician gave me, he fights through it until it wears off, in fact the meds makes him worse, since it makes him more tired, but he simply refuses to sleep - NOTHING works.

Please, I need advice. I'm so tired I can't see straight. And then I have the family telling me I'm raising a brat, because of the tantrums. He wants to try stuff his body's not ready for, and when he can't get it right, he throws and all-mighty fit. I don't know what to do anymore... my husband is here, but he doesn't help much with the day to day 'operations' of raising our son.

He wakes up in the middle of the night, wanting to get out and play. Sometimes I try to leave him to cry, but he doesn't stop. I'm tired, he's tired and it's just out of control.

I feel like such a bad mother. It feels like I can't cope on my own anymore... and forget about the family, they'll help occassionally, but a hyper little thing like mine is no one's idea of fun.

The only thing I refuse to do is spank him (oh yeah, I've been told to beat my one year old). I was almost exactly the same as a child, and my mother beat me all the time. I will not crush my boy's spirit like that... but there must be something I can do. Does anyone have any experience with a child like mine? I've been looking for support groups, but there's none in my area. I'm pretty much on my own here.

Thanks everyone.

Just so you know, I love my son to death and won't change anything about him. He's the sunshine of my life, we're just have a cloudy day. I just need to know how I can help him. I know I've signed up for this, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for all this.. Maybe just give him warm milk at night. It usually makes babies fall asleep.. Something could be wrong with you baby, maybe you should change your doctor or do more research. Play soothing music at night or figure out a way to make him laugh. I hope I helped.. I don't have a child but a baby brother..Good luck and you'll be in my prayers.  

Answer 2

My daughter was the same, i used to tickle her n she would stop but when that didn't work, i ignored her n stepped out of the room until she was calm, whatever u do, let him know that ur the one that commands.

Answer 3

i have no personal experience with hyper active kids but i work in a pharmacy and i know a lot of mothers give their children eye q. it's omega oils from fish and they are supposed to help a lot. i've also heard of people buying these special brushes and you brush your childs arms to calm them down. it may be your son is too young for eye q but you can always phone or email them and see what they say. they may have something more suitable for your son.

it sounds to me like you're a terrific mother who's doing everything she can for her child. get the father more involved. try and find a support line that you can phone and get some support that way.

edit: found Eye Q Baby

http://www.boots.com/webapp/wcs/stores/s...

Answer 4

Beating a child and hitting him are two completely different things.

When I threw tantrums as a child, my mother would spank me and tell me why i was being punished, and later when I could speak more fluently  ask me 'why did I hit you?' And i would have to respond, that way I knew WHY i was being  hit.

Sure it hurt back then(more out of shame for disappointing my mom), but now as an adult I only thank my mom for raising me right. If you hit your child to discipline him, not out of anger or frustration, you're not doing any wrong.

The other way is to let him scream his lungs out until he's bored, but leaving your kid in a dark room crying seems to me more inappropriate than a few swats on the bottom.

Plain and simple, you have to make your kid understand that YOU are the authority, and your word is law, because if not, YOU ARE raising a brat, and if you think he's trouble now, wait till hes a teen and you CANT hit him or control him.

And your not a bad mother, because you only want the best for your boy, and that is what matters.

A few spanks will only help him to learn that authority must be respected, and not 'break' his spirit. He'll only love you  and respect you more later in his life for teaching him. Also, make sure your husband IS involved so your kid understands that he is the authority too, and that he NEVER EVER cancels your authority (and vise versa for you) in front of you child, you must be united or your kid will pick up on it and play you against each other.

Best of luck and dont give up, just by your writing I know your a wonderful mother.

also, when your kid enrolls in school, dont let the teachers ever tell you hes not normal or has ADHD or ADD or whatnot(and they will tell you that, just wait), You son reminds me of me at that age, and my mom never let them put me in 'special classes', because she knew I just had excess energy which is a gift not a curse, as my football coaches will tell you.  I have a 3.5 gpa in my university right now and  am planning on entering med school.  Your son just needs a strong guiding hand, and h**l do great.

Answer 5

Hi ,I know how you feel ,it is very hurtful that your family just point fingers ,I had the same thing ,I kind of got revenge years later when the most judgmental of my sister in laws had twins and could not cope ...Your baby is going through what we call the terrible two’s ,his a little young but that’s how it works some times ,basically he is getting a serge of testosterone that is making him feel more hyper ...for starters keeping him awake longer during the day just makes him over tired ,try getting him to have a quiet time ,a nap or at least a lay down .in the middle of the day ..then put him to bed at the normal time ...I do not like letting babies cry but a lot of people find leaving him for a short time alone ,and then go in to check and comfort him ,then leave and repeat works for some..Do what ever works for you ..I let my babies into my bed …it works for me ….And stop feeling like a bad mother ,you sound great to me ,smacking is not the way to go ,it wont help and as you know it only hurts the child ..and he is way to young to even think about that ….It takes a lot of strength to fight the way you were raised so congrats for that ...If nothing works please try to find another doctor who will run tests and make sure he is ok …oh and tantrams are normal at his age ,just dont give in to him ,let him know you are not happy with his behavior but try to not get too stressed about it ..he will grow out of them.My oldest boy is the one I had similar problems with ,he is now 20 years old and a very nice young man ,the tantrams stoped by the time he was 3-4 years old ...

Answer 6

first, you need to tell your family that if they are going to say anything it better be a suggestion because otherwise they are not helping and they need to back off. mean? maybe but you don't need this and they don't need to be talking about your son that way, its wrong. you sound to me like a great mother, instead of beating your child you choose the right path, beating your one year old doesn't teach him squat(that is what it is, a 1 year old doesn't know right from wrong so it is just a beating), he won't remember why he was spanked but remember the actual spanking (i sure do, my parents spanked me when i was really young and i remember them, not very good first memories) and you choose to keep going and try to help your child instead of giving up. to me you sound like a great mother.

second, try this.

you said he wants to try something he wants to eat but he can't, seems like he wants to start choosing for himself so pick 2 things for him to eat, those can be the only choices make sure he knows that, and let him choose between the two. if he starts a tantrum take away the items and sit him down. when he calms down  talk to him softly and ask if he wants to help choose what is for dinner and show him the options again, continue this until the third time then just make something and try again next time.

have you ever tried baby massage? it calms the baby and can make things peaceful. get a quiet room and put on maybe some soft music and get baby oil and massage him. there is many videos/books online and at the library that you can watch and read about it, make sure you do before massaging the baby because of course it is different than massaging an adult.

when it is time for bed do what you usually do. if he screams and cries you can either:

A- sit by the crib (lights out) and put your head down like you are sleeping and if he can and does get out just put him back and tuck him in and repeat this process until he falls asleep and if you can keep doing this it can help but it might take a few weeks

B- take him out and sit him down, wait till he calms down and ask him what is wrong and why does he not want to go to bed.

now this is suggestions and im assuming he can talk at least a little bit but you can adjust it if you need to, they are only suggestions.

Answer 7

You need help and you need to ask for it. You need to be really honest with your husband about needing it.

Your family are idiots, please do not listen to them, do not spank him, he needs to be reassured that you are there for him and love him. Spanking him will only make his behaviour worse.

He is not a brat, he is a one year ol, but as he gets older it sounds like he will need a lot of discipline, you will only be able to discipline him effectively if he loves, respects and trusts you.

You sound like you are a great Mom and are doing the best job you can of raising your son.

I know it is hard to believe but things are going to get better. Hang in there.

Answer 8

You need to take him back to the Dr. and insist that this is abnormal. I was questioning my son at one because he was still waking up 5-10 times a night and he wouldn't take naps.. then he started banging his head constantly. They told me that there is nothing to do to get him to sleep he's a kid.. some kids don't sleep all thru the night until they are much older and he would grow out of the head banging.... well the head banging kept me and my other daughter and dad up all night so we got rid of the crib and put him in an inflatable play pen... well he ended up popping that from banging on the seams so hard.  

Kept going back to the the Dr. and nothing was wrong, we told them the sleeping was getting less and less and the head banging worse and worse.  His tantrums were awful, if you tried to intervene he would scream and bang harder... long story short his room is padded... because of the head banging...

after a year of knowing something was wrong, they finally referred me to early intervention and they concluded it was a behavioral issue and thought if they taught him to talk he would communicate instead of bang his head.

Well.... just recently his behavioral specialist thought he should get a cat scan so we took him to the neurologist who spent an hour with him and concluded he's displaying classic symptoms of Autism... which we thought from the beginning.

He has other symptoms.. but the sleeping and tantrums were what we found abnormal.. and of course the head banging.. that he still does constantly to the point of cracking his head open a couple weeks ago.

Some of his symptoms include

Head Banging

Not sleeping

Bad Tantrums

Ignores you when you talk to him

Doesn't like to be held, hugged, kissed or cuddled

Throws everything he can find when he's mad

Very Erratic behavior

Moody

and severely hyper active.  

He's considered a mild case of autism...

so if you have any of these symptoms no matter what degree you should insist your Dr. look into it because if it's something of this nature it's better to know early so you can get help and they can try to control his behavior from an earlier age.

Answer 9

my daughter is almost two, i completely understand you. dont feel bad. she used to go a hundred miles an hour and never quit. i enrolled her in a daycare and now....I'm in heaven. it was hard letting her go at first but she just needed company that could keep up with her. she plays so hard at daycare by the time she gets home, eats and takes a bath she is so sleepy she can hardly hold her self up and it'll only be 7 o' clock. AND SHE SLEEP ALL NIGHT AND MOST OF THE MORNING!!! HALLELUJAH!!! she's even just layed down in the middle of the living room floor and went to sleep. he just needs somebody who can keep the pace and burn up all that energy. then you'll see him start to calm down at night.

also don't let him nap during the day. he'll go to sleep earlier and sleep longer.