Question:

Online cheating... Craigslist?

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I really need some help. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and I suspect he is or has cheated on me with girl(s) that he might’ve met online. I’m 22 and he's 26, we are really serious but we have had some problems lately. I have always had that gut feeling that maybe he was s******g around behind my back but I never actually caught him (until now, that is).

A few months ago, he had to go out of town for 3 wks for work and during that time that he was gone I made a huge drunken-mistake by sleeping with someone else. Well, he ended finding out about it a few weeks ago and I admitted it and he made me feel so awful about what I did. (As I should have). We decided to stay together and work it out... everything was fine, we both agreed to quit drinking and better our lives and relationship. Here's when everything went wrong: Just a few days ago, I found his e-mail password and did a little snooping, (I wish I hadn't have). He was up-to-date with deleted old e-mails (as I figured). There were 2 in his sent e-mails that he forgot to delete. The date on the e-mail was the date that he was out of town (the wknd before he came back, to be exact). He asked the girl “Hey again... are you still interested?" and she replied "I'm ready when you are"... he replied "Let's do this d**n thing". But he later wrote her back saying "Sorry to waste ur time but I found something local, maybe next time". Needless to say, I was FURIOUS! But I knew that if I got mad and confronted him about it, he would have some twisted excuse so I decided to bite my tongue and investigate. I search through alllll of his account linked to that e-mail INCLUDING HIS CRAIGSLIST. I logged onto his Craigslist acct. and it saves every post and there's no way of deleted it! Over the past year there were 3 personal ad posting regarding 'casual encounters and erotic services'. I don't use Craigslist so I'm not familiar with it but 1 ad was still active, 1 was expired and the most current one was 'removed by user'. So I'm wondering if since he removed the ad, did he find someone??

Also, those 2 e-mails that I found didn't have anything to do with HIS postings, he was replying to someone else's!! I don't really know what my question is here but I would appreciate any advice.. It's hard to me to talk about this with anyone who knows me b/c they'll probably ride my butt about it if I stay with me. Again, he still have no clue that I know anything. I kind of just want to keep quiet and periodically check his accounts to actually catch him, ya know? Because if I mention this to him now he could always say "well, you did it... I did it... we will have to begin to trust each other again" type of bs.

I really want to know which ad he responded to but it's from 2 months back and the listing on show so many.. Does anyone know how to search for Craigslist ad archives? The information has got to be stored somewhere, right??

Thanks in advance for any help!

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4 ANSWERS


  1. He's addicted to the sexual thrill of the hunt. He has a deep seated and more than likely hidden self-esteem issue.  He's probably narcissistic as well as the two go hand in hand.  Big ego?  Always right about everything?  Jealous of others?  You have to understand the whole thing is well... intoxicating. He needs help.  He probably feels crippling guilt and remorse after his sexual encounters.  I'm sure he's tried to stop before as well.  It's not that he doesn't love you, but the release of endorphines, the rituals of the hunt (yes they exist but most don't recognize them as such) the joy of "giving in" is too hard to deny.

    You probably didn't help his self-esteem issues when you cheated on him.  It more than likely already intensified his online s*x addiction.

    He is cheating on you, and unless you both seek help he will continue to do so.  He's too weak and his mind is now dependant on the chemical reactions released by his brain during sexual hunts or fantasies


  2. Let me get this straight. So you're mad at him for doing to you the EXACT same thing you did to him, first!?

    Grow up.

  3. Whether he's cheating or not, it doesn't really matter.  He actually deserves to be with someone better than you.  You cheated on him and snooped through his personal e-mail without his permission.  He's not the bad guy.

  4. Let it go.  Let him go.

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