Only child or not?

Question

I'm kinda struggling with the idea of having another child. Our child is two and we really want her to have a sibling. I'm just so stressed out taking care of her and it's taken a little toll on our marriage as well. We're in our early 30s and it's just so tiring sometimes. I can't imagine going through the whole baby thing again sometimes, with a toddler this time as well. I just don't know what to do. I'm looking for any advice you might have. Please be nice I'm really stressed about this!

Thanks:)

Answer 1

I have two kids born 18 months apart.  It is VERY stressful to have two kids, and there is always more work to be done.  Yes, there are times when my husband and I barely see each other - partially because he works to support us, and partially because we just get so busy.  But is is so worth it to watch our kids turning into such great friends.

Whether to have another child is a tough decision to make, and it seems as though you do want another but are just really nervous about it.  If you do have another child, everyone in the family, including your child, will have adjustments to make.  But is gets easier as everyone adjusts.  And a day will come when the kids are playing together, and you won't be as stressed because they are keeping each other occupied rather than needing you constantly  :)

Answer 2

In my opinion, a 2 year difference in age is stressful.  Our daughter was 4 1/2 years old when our second was born.  Although, our first was an "angel" baby, we still waited longer than the "average" parents (my reason was to have more quality time in her "baby" years before a new baby entered the picture).  Fix your marriage, before you guys decide on another.  Remember, that when they turn 3 it will get a bit easier.  In my case, my oldest is the biggest helper and loves her sister to death!   Right now, my 2 year is a handful.  I can't imagine bringing another baby into the house when she's that young.

Answer 3

Well, it's definitely a discussion you and your husband need to have. I understand the strain of a marrage. We are going to begin trying in a few months for our second. Our son is going to be three in Oct. But, our relationship is shaky at times and my son is definitely strong-willed, so I wonder at times what I am trying to do to myself by bringing someone else into the mix. But, overall, I want my son to have a sibling. My husband and I will work through our differences. I personally believe that only children miss out unless they are raised with many other kids.

So, talk it over with your hubby. I'm sure you will be able to work through some problems. Every marriage has its rough patches. Good luck!

Answer 4

I'd wait a bit.  It is much more stressful to have 2 then 1.  I have 3.  A 2 yo is still a lot of work it gets easier when they are more independent around 4.  If your 2 yo is like mine you know that a 2 yo is capable of getting into things frequently (can climb, and open things) yet not functional enough to be helpful, when you say go get dressed they can

Answer 5

I feel the same way. I have a 14 month old son and I can't bear to think of him not having a sibling. I get very stressed as well. I think in the long run it will be best to have 2 children(for me). Good luck and God Bless

Answer 6

I'm an only child for the same reason you are citing: my mom didn't think she could handle another and I wasn't a very easy baby and the thought of another baby while she had me to care for also was quite intimidating. So she didn't have any more.

My take on the situation is this: if you have a daugher, you won't need to have another baby for sibling purposes! For a number of reasons, but here goes: 1-she's a girl, so you never have to worry about her leaving you for her husband's family when she has kids :). 2-only children are much more intelligent than those with siblings 3-when she has grandkids (and she'll probably want a big family because she didn't come from one) you will be the grandma of choice because you're her mother, 4-you'll be best friends with your only daughter (and she with you) because there is no other sibling to compete with. It won't be the traditional mother/daughter relationship-it will be much better!

That said, I decided I want four kids (I have two already). I want a big family because I was an only child. I am not sad I was an only child-I think there are countless advantages and i wouldn't be who I am today if I had siblings, but I dedided for me, I wanted plenty of people around when I'm old! And now my mom (since I'm the daughter and I naturally gravitate toward my own mom rather than my husband's family) has the benefit of only having one child, but having lots of grandchildren and excitement in her old age. She wins!

Answer 7

I am a girl and I have two brother and can't imagine what life would be like without them. My boyfriend is an only child and he's miserable. Its your choice but I think children with siblings get along better with others and have better lives. good luck honey and don't be so stressed... its bad for you : )

Answer 8

Try very hard to think of a non-selfish reason to have another child.  You won't come up with one, as there isn't one.  Many of the world's problems, and nearly all of the environmental issues, can be traced back to overpopulation.

I have a brother and sister, and I used to envy the "only child" friends I had.  Their dad didn't work 3 jobs to support them, so they had more family time, more toys, nicer clothes, actually got to go on vacations, etc.

Now that I'm 40, I certainly wouldn't want my brother or sister to disappear from this earth, but my feelings about being an only child are the same.  Despite our attempts not to, we had a little girl nearly 3 years ago, and I would give my life for her.

However, I still believe that having even one child is a mistake.  Having two is just insane, especially if you feel stressed out with one, and that it has hurt your marriage.  Use your physical, financial, and mental resources to raise this child right...don't spread yourself thin and wind up doing a 1/2 a$$ job raising two kids.  Best of luck (really).

Answer 9

well, 6 days after my daughter was born, my sister got custody of my foster neice (2.5 at the time).  I was reeled into babysitting since i was on maternity leave.  This child was ultra spoiled and still had to be spoonfed when we first got her.  So, there i was breastfeeding a newborn, spoonfeeding a toddler and talking to my b/f on the phone (who was overseas in iraq so i couldn't ask him to call back later) all at the same time.  At that time i vowed to wait until my daughter was at least 5 before i had another kid..she's 5 now and i'm finally open to the idea.

I would definately wait for your sanity.

Answer 10

Hi,

I've been thr' the same situation.. i always wanted more than 1 kids .. i myself have a brother and sister and wouldn't imagine life without them! we all are like 2yrs apart and we never had boring days :) not even in winter and when you can't go out at all :D

My husband was the one who was not sure if he wanted one or more :) but i convinced him that even tho it'll be stressful for a couple of years, but then the kids will keep each other company and we'll be much more relaxed later. And thats exactly what is happening now :)

my elder one is 5 and lil one is 2 , they are good friends.. our travels are a fun cos they keep each other occupied rather than one kid in tha back seat whining for hundreds of things.. We can actually get time to talk to each other when they are busy playing which was a rare thing when we had just one son and he always wanted our attention.

There is nothing like only chid being more intelligent :) i have seen stupid only kids who are always overpprotected, pampered a lot and are just too clingy! in fact i find kids with siblings do better due to the competitive spirit! And basically intelligence is not at all dependent on being an only child or not.

Well... One more reason i wanted more than one kid, is that once we(the parents) are old and gone i want my kids to have someone just as close with them. yes they will have their spouse, friends etc etc.. but still having a brother or sister is totally different.

These are all emotional things... there are practical issues too which are far more important.. like finanical capability.. you have to think, can you both provide for the kids without one stressing to much to earn and other at home. If one person is working 2 jobs to support the family and one is at home with kids 24*7 the marriage is sure to have huge problems and the kids will eventually be miserable!

So it all depends on your own unique situation!

Answer 11

Don't just look at it from a here and now, can you afford a second?  What strains is it putting on your marriage?  It will get better, likely by the time you would be having #2, potty training will have started and self sufficiency will be in place.  I currently have a 3 year old who thinks she runs the place!  I would love to have a second, however it's not going to happen with her father, (current hubby) and I don't want to go at it alone.  That being said, if your daughter isn't in a day care situation where she can socialize, then a siblling would be good for her.  I look at my daughter at times when I can't play with her and she seems so deflated and sad.  I am an only child and hated it cause there was no one to share the chores with!  So, if you can come to terms with the short term displacement, stress, sleeplessness - then try for another.

Good Luck!

Answer 12

Kids are great I have two myself and at times even though I love both of them I think of how much easier things would be if I only had my 7 year old and never had my 3 year old, I love them both but it's hard take it easy maybe now just isn't the time.

Answer 13

My husband and I had been tossing the idea back and forth for a few months also.  Our son will be 2 in August, and we just weren't sure if we wanted another or not. Our son is the light of our lives... we get to spoil him, I get to spend every waking moment with him, love on him, get huggs and kisses from him.  He's just simply amazing.  I always wonder "Can I love another child as much as I love him?"  "Will our next child be as special to me as he is?"  The questions and doubts could go on for miles.... but we do truely want another one. And the only thing that kind of jarred us out of our selfishness of only having one child, was this:  We WILL regret it if we do not have another one, but we will NEVER regret having another one.  

I knew that if we decided not to, that I would always think "what if".  And I'm sure I will think that a few times when our second child decides to arrive one day, BUT it won't be out of hatred, it won't be out of spite, and it won't be out of resentment.  Just a roll of the eyes, a huge sigh, and dive into the new day with two beautiful angels :)

Answer 14

If you aren't sure - wait.  You're young, and your other child is too young yet too.  Wait until the two year old is 4 and then decide.

Answer 15

That's a hard decision to make, especially since it has already put a strain on your marriage. I'm kind of in the same boat as you. But I think if my husband and I can work out some of our issues, I'd definitely like to bring another child in this world. I grew up with a brother that was 2 years older than me and I think I would have been SO bored if I hadn't had a sibling to play with when I was younger.