Open Adoption versus Closed Adoption?

Question

What are your thoughts on open versus closed adoption regarding a birth mom who had parental rights terminated by the state for abuse, neglect, etc., and an incarcerated father who has threatened to kill anyone who has the kids.

Our agency is pressuring us to go with an open adoption agreement because the bmom is bound to fail.

We do not want to do this. Just wonder if anyone sees any benefits for us or our new child (who is preschooled age - does not talk about bmom).

Answer 1

I would actually like to talk to you privately... as in NOT over Y!A.  My e-mail IS available off of my profile, so if you feel up to it, go ahead and send me a message.

~Zuko~

Answer 2

I think that closed adoptions should be banned and open adoptions should support mothers that want to keep in contact with their child, whether it be through letters or photos or videos or supervised visits.

99% of people that abuse their bio child do so because they were abused themselves.  Tougher legislation for anyone that abuses a child psychologically, emotionally or physically, this will help stop the vicious cycle of abuse. A child should be the one to choose if they want to see or hear from their mothers. Not the adopting parent with a personal need or agenda. Of course children need to be protected from a mother that abuses them but cutting them completely out of the childs life doesn't solve anything. The children should be protected from abuse until they are at an age where they know whats in their best interest but shouldn't be cut off from reality, family or heritage. We shouldn't be trying to play God.

Open adoptions today as well as closed serve the agendas of the adopting parent and nobody else. This needs to stop, its selfish, damaging, unethical, and goes against childrens rights.

Answer 3

I am a strong advocate for open adoption but I don't think it is safe for all adoption circumstances.

The child is scared of the nmom who has a history of abuse and neglect. And the nfather is threatening to kill.

Nope, I wouldn't do that. At least while the child is young. I would however keep the door open for future contact when/if the child wants that when older.

Answer 4

well i would have it closed due to what the father said. but it it entirely up to you.

having it closed means ALL RIGHTS to the parents are terminated and they will have nothing to due with the child(ren) until they are 18

open adoption means that the parents have their rights. they can get pictures, letters, videos, from you on how the child(ren) is doing, and a certain number of visits a yr to see the child. the visits are not supervised but you will be with the child(ren) when they have their real mom and dad their.

my friends went thru the same thing with their daughter and they have an open adoption, but in your case i would get a order on the father and jsut let hte mother see the child but suprivised with you and the court ordered person they choose

Answer 5

The agency is recommending open, because they believe the bmom will fail.  So, basically setting the child up for even more pain...nice.

Answer 6

I would go, for a closed adoption, for the safety and peace of mind of you and your family.

Answer 7

In my opinion, I would want a closed adoption...especially if the father is threatening to kill anone who has the kids.

Answer 8

There are ways to keep contact safe.  When you go for visits, don't go alone with the kids (or better yet, have someone else take the kids, in cars that aren't yours, just to protect your identity, and the identity of your other children).  For communication, set up a P.O. Box, or have all mail communication go through the caseworker.  If you're planning to have email communication, set up a separate email address that isn't associated with you (i.e. use a different name, address, etc.).

Even though there are safety issues, it is always best to keep open communication, for the kids' sake.  One day they might need answers to their questions, and if you know how to get ahold of their parents, their search will be very short.  Just be very diligent about your safety and the safety of your kids - but keep that communication open one way or another.  If your KIDS don't want communication, don't share it with them.  But keep communication open between you and the parents if possible.

Answer 9

I find it strange that they would even suggested an open adoption in this situation. Her rights were terminated due to her  being abusive and neglectfully towards the child, she should not have any type of open adoption. The child does not even want to see the first mother and it’s understandable. I wouldn’t want these people to have my home address or even know what town I lived in.

Certainly you can try and keep up to date to where the first mother lives through the agency then if your child ever want to meet her it can happen.

I would not agree to an open adoption in this case.

Answer 10

What do you mean by "bound to fail"?  

I guess it depends on the level of openness...you don't have to visit every weekend, but like the answerer above me stated, you can have enough openness so that when your adopted child grows up, he/she can have access to records and information when he/she is ready.

How old is the child?  Is he/she at an age to provide input as to whether or not any amount of contact should be maintained?  Can you keep the option for some openness later on when the child is older?

Try to think of this from the child's point of view.  Kids love their parents; even abusive parents.  To lose them is painful; and even though it is for the best, maybe a letter or a picture every now and then isn't going to be such a bad thing.

Use your best judgment but keep the child's rights and feelings in mind.  Maybe not now, but in the future, this child may want to have some communication with his/her parents, if it is safe to do so.

Answer 11

I may be wrong here, but isn't an "Open Adoption" when the records are all kept open and available - where the adopted child can find out who their bparents are when/if they are ready, and a closed adoption being one where all the records are sealed and that information is not public record?

Answer 12

.....i wish you would do open. my baby was adopted and i dont know what i would do if it was closed. maybe dont do visits. just send her pix and letters. that is was my sons APs do for me