Open adoption??

Question

My cousin and her birth family have one and there have been some issues with how she is reacting to my uncle and aunt. She is rebelling becuase they are not her birth parents is what she says. She is 14 now and now someone else I know is considering an open adoption. I have searched a lot for some information on open adoptions and I need some help. I want to give them so pro's and con's. There are happy instances not just my cousin. If anyone knows of some good sites that talk about it that qould be awesome.

Answer 1

We have been blessed through open adoption.  Open adoption is a very loving choice.  In some situations it just  isn't possible such as an international adoption or if a parent isn't mentally stable, etc.  However, when it is viable, I think it should be considered.  Open adoption can range from occasional cards, letters, photos, etc to regular visits.  You can checkout www.easysite.com/adoptionlove and read about one family's open adoptive story, etc.

Peace!

Answer 2

Adopted kids can rebel like that even with closed adoptions.  It just they feel disconnected from their adoptive parents for awhile and need to go through a phase of wondering about their birth parents and what ifs.  Of course teens rebel in general against their parents even if not adopted.  I hope you find some information to be helpful.  I love open adoptions as they give the child a chance to know their family history and the reason they were put up for adoption so they don't have to have as many questions.  Plus it makes it easier on the birth parent(s) to accept the adoption and they dont' have to wonder where their child is and how they are doing.

Answer 3

Being a teenager is hard - being an adopted teenager is even harder.

When we become teenagers - we hit an age where we are trying to find our place in the world - and your cousin is finding this even harder because of her situation - most likely.

She needs extra love and care right now - not brick walls.

She will get through this - we all do.

Your aunt and uncle should just let a lot of the comments slide off their backs (don't take them personally - it's just the inner turmoil that is speaking out) - that would be the best advice.

They should just return any insults with - "OK - but we still love you and we're not going anywhere."

Your cousin has felt rejection - deep in her core (all children want to stay with their bio mother - it's hard wired in our brains) - and she's testing to see if her adoptive parents will also reject her.

Counselling may help - but the counsellor must have a very good understanding of adoptee issues.

You could suggest to your cousin - an online adoptee forum - where she can talk to other adoptees. Finding others to talk things through can really be helpful. Often adoptees just want to be understood - and that can mostly only happen from other adoptees. Here's the best forum I've found online - and there is an under 18 section -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

As children - adoptees have no say about their adoption - it's all up to adults to decide our fate - and that can really mess with our heads at times.

We have conflicting emotions - about who really loves us - why we were given away - who should we love - conflicting loyalties.

Mostly - adoptees want to be able to know and love all of their families - and be loved and accepted by all in return.

It's a very hard time.

'Open' adoption is confusing - as there is no definitive answer as to 'what' it is.

It can be just letters and photos once or twice a year - and it can range up to full contact between both families - personally and by other means (internet, letters, phone etc).

'Open' is best for the adoptee - absolutely - as the adoptee gets to know ALL of their family - as - an adoptee - by design - has at least two families. It's our truth.

I've lived closed adoption for 38 years - and it's sucks not knowing where you came from - or why you were given away.

(in fact - I wasted much of my youth daydreaming about why and who etc)

BOTH - are hard on the adoptee.

'Open' is perhaps harder on the adults - as you have to juggle adult relationships - but ultimately - it's much much better for the adoptee.

And really - if adoption isn't in the best interests of the child - it really shouldn't happen.

Answer 4

your cousin is being a brat. she just wants to rebel, but they raised her, right?

a good thing on open adoption is that the kid would be raised with the same parents... a bad one would be that having pictures of your baby sent to you would be painful... having to watch YOUR child grow up with someone else...

Answer 5

it  sometimes hard  for kids who are adopted even if they have a loving and great family.an open adoption is a good thing and a bad thing .i know from experience.in both instances adopted children sometimes feel abandoned .i was adopted and sometimes feel abandon  i know my family loves me but it is hard to keep the thoughts out of your mind

Answer 6

To be clear....semi-open adoption is the pictures and letters through the agency once a year that the agencies try to stuff down the birth mothers throat as open adoption.

An OPEN adoption is where the mother of the child has some form of contact and 2 way communication with the child and her new family. This creates a much better self-esteem for the child. She will know her whole history, nationality, even some family traditions. When you yank a plant out of the ground and leave the roots behind, the plant dies. Same thing for a human being.

It is normal for teenagers to rebel. They look for ammo to hurt their parents anyway they can find it at that age. This is just what she seemed to latch onto. I think it will pass and probably has nothing to do with the birth parent being present. Even in a closed adoption a child can use this against their adoptive parents.

The only situation where a closed adoption would be warranted is when the birth mother is being destructive. Showing up drunk, telling the child to do things that undermined the AP's athourity....ect.

Answer 7

i'm sorry for her rebelling and sorry that i can't help but keep trying is my best advice.

Answer 8

You need to tell your cousin to count her lucky stars that they adopted her. What kind of life would she have had is she had not been given up for adoption? Abuse, a neglectful mom, drug abusing parents? She is just using being adopted as an excuse to be a brat.

An open adoption is when the birth parents are sent pictures and updates yearly and when the child turns 18 they have the option of meeting them.