Open casket funeral... quick question... please read??? About my kids...?

Question

My grandma just died, come to find out it is going to be a open casket funeral... my kids want to come. They are both under 10. What are your thoughts on this??

I'm trying to sort this out for myself but can't seem to decide. And their dad is being no help. I'm sorry if this is the wrong section but I think it will work.

Thank you!

Answer 1

Have the children come since they want to.  Explain that it is going to be open casket.  If they are uncomfortable with that idea of seeing her in her casket then have them sit in the back of the church or funeral home.   If you need to sit up front then have your husband sit with them in back.  Tell them that they don't have to go up to the casket if they don't want to.

Just be supportive of their decisions and tell them all that is going on beforehand so that they are not surprised.  I am sure it will work out.  I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 2

I think that learning about death is a natural and necessary part of life.  As for the open casket...that I am divided on.  I, to this day, hate gazing down at the body of a dearly departed loved one.  In some ways, this image always gets ingrained in my mind...and I really hate that that's the last memory I have of them - how they looked dead.  I know I sound really insensitive and I'm really sorry, but if you don't feel they should go or look, then it may be best that they don't.  The choice is yours.

Answer 3

Well I'm 19 now but my uncle died when i was 11 or 12 and i saw him in his open casket. I think it is a good idea. "It is just a form of closure" (my mom just said) and at that age i really didn't understand what it was all about but I'm glad i was able to see him one last time. (the whole family signed a white hat and i remember seeing my name on it when i saw him wearing it in the casket, which is a good memory.) As long as they are willing and want to see then i think they should be aloud to.

Answer 4

Take them. My grandma passed in October and my girls (10 months and 3 years 9 months) came. My now 4 1/2 year old talks about it, but she knows where her Mimi went, to the funeral home then in the ground then to Heaven. Death is a part of life, no need to shelter them from it.

Sorry for your loss and good luck.

Answer 5

It is different with all kids. If they can handle it and want to see, by all means take them. But, you also need to make a decision. I would suggest seeing the body before your kids, so you can tell them "Grandma is very pale and still" etc.

I thought I was ready to see his cousin when he died. It haunts that I saw him like that. I will always remember him so full of life- and then those thoughts are interupted with thoughts of his dead body- not moving, pale, chaulky and cold. I'm welling up right now, I miss him so much.

I'm so sorry for your loss- your family is in my prayers!

Answer 6

Then take them. If they don't understand the concept of death around 10 years old you really need to sit them down and tell them what it is.

Alternatively, no better place to learn what death is than a funeral...

Answer 7

Take your kids !

I took my son to an Open casket funeral,but I didn't took him near the death person..It was my friends brother, so he knew there's was a death body in there, but he didn't even bother to ask to take him close to see the death body..he was so calm.

I even went and I'm pregnant.. and I don't know if is bad for a pregnant women to go to a funeral !

Answer 8

I THINK THAT YOU NEED TO TAKE THEM IT WAS THERE GRAND MA TO I DONT THINK THAT THEY ARE TO YOUNG MY GRANDPA DIED 2 YEARS AGO AND I TOOK BOTH OF MY BOYS ANY THEY WHERE  ALMOST 2 AND 6 SO TAKE THEM DONT BE LIKE MY COUSIN  SHE SHELTERED HER KIDS FROM GOING TO THERE GRANDPAS FUNERAL AND THERE GREAT GRANDPA FUNERAL AND I RESENT HER FOR IT

Answer 9

"DO NOT" let them get anywhere close enough to see your dead grandmother in her casket, or even close enough to hear others talk about how wonderful or lifelike grandma looks. She doesn't! Grandma's dead, and that image of her may just be the very first one that pops up into the heads of your little darlings, every time they think of her. (I know what I'm talking about. The image of my  grand mother's  "dead" body is the always my first recollection of her, thanks to my "well-meaning" but equally "unenlightened" younger cousins, and I'm 53 years old. Luckily, even at the tender age of five, I had the self-determination to balk at their repeated direction to "touch grandma.")

Answer 10

Take them. My Grampa died when I was six years old, and I was very close to them. My parents, who are usually great about making the right decisions when it comes to raising us kids, didn't even offer to take me. They assumed that it would be too hard on me.

As it turned out, I had really been needing to go. I needed closure, and the funeral would have provided me an opportunity to say good-bye.

To this day, my mom feels guilty about this (though I try to tell her that she shouldn't, after all, she was just trying to do what she thought was best).

I've since been to three open casket funerals and one closed casket funeral. I cried pretty heavily at one of them, but I'm glad I went to each and every one. They  gave me an opportunity to reconcile myself with the loss.

My point is, if your kids want to go, you should take them. If it turns out that they wanted the opportunity to say good-bye, or it was important for some other reason, you'll never forgive yourself for not taking them.

In a situation like this it's best to ask, and then go with what they say, and it sounds like they have already decided that they want to go.

Answer 11

Take them, death is as much a part of life as birth is!  I remember being at my Grandma's funeral at 7.  Adults have more of a problem than kids do!  Why try and protect them from something as natural as death?

Answer 12

I would say bring them. They have got to learn about death and burial. Shielding them is going to make it harder later when the same question comes up again.

Answer 13

I would like to weigh in as a vote to take them to the funeral,having prepared them for the opencasket and having provided them with the option to go and simply not view the casket.  You do not say exactly how much under 10 but a child of 9 say can usually handle that and is empowered by the choice.  You hear a lot of horror stories about young children not going to sleep after being told"Grandma is sleeping" but comparitively few about going to a funeral.  Many people have been scarred, however by that attendance being denied.Make contingency plans for if it is too much. bring diversions like small toys and snacks like at all long meetings, and I wish you luck

Answer 14

take them to a toy store and say..but if u get this toy you cant come to the funeral..they will be more intrested in the toy ..i know crazy ay?

Answer 15

hum that's a hard question. maybe talk to your kids, and explain that grandma won't look like she normally does. and that it's there choice weather they want to see her or not. and maybe tell them that you would rather them not, but leave it up to them???? if they are like way under 10 than maybe don't even mention the fact that they can see her, maybe they wont even notice.  I remember i was about 9 when a good friend of the family died, it was an open casket, my mom had a talk with me and my sister she was 4 years older than me, my mom was worried it was going to scare us, but she still left it up to us, my sister wanted to go and I didn't so I stayed back with my mom and my dad and sister went up. in the end I was glad as a little kid that my mom let me decide my sister, got to have her closer and i did too, in the ways we wanted it. Maybe let your kids decide if you think they are old enough. hope it helps a little, good luck.

Answer 16

I lost an Uncle in November, my kids were 11, 6, 4 and 1. The baby was no big deal, and the 11 year old understood. As for the other 2, I explained to them about death, and about the ritual of funerals, and asked if they wanted to go. I took them both to the wake, the night before the funeral. My six y/o was curious and looked at the body, and asked lots of questions. The four year old, decided he didn't want to go into the room. Both were fine. I took the six year old to the funeral, and the four year old, stayed with his Grandma. Talk to your kids, and have a back up plan in case it is too much for them .

Answer 17

I am a true believer in kids accepting and understanding death.  My kids are 10, 8, and 3 and have all seen dead bodies and been to funerals.  Kids need to learn it is a natural part of life.  JMO

Answer 18

Just sit down and explain to your kids that grandmas casket will be open so they will be seeing her dead body and ask them if they think they can handle that.  Usually children 6 and above can handle funerals ok but if either is under 6 you need to look at how they handled the death and how they emotionally handle sad things in their life.  I know my boys can't handle funerals at all, they just are to emotional but they are also only 3 and 5.  My mom didn't let me go to a funeral until i was 10 because i was to emotional.

Answer 19

Yes. Bring them.

I was at my granny's and granddads funeral when I was like 4...

Answer 20

I would take some time to talk to your kids about it. If you are a religious family, you can explain to them that while Grandma's body will be at the funeral, her soul is not there.  

Also, you might consider allowing your children to go to the funeral but getting there early so that they can see grandma before others are around - that way if they are not up to staying, you could take them home.  

I don't have kids, but I do remember going to my grandmother's funeral when I was seven.  If my parents had not allowed me to go, I would probably still be angry with them.  Children deserve a chance to say goodbye, too.

Answer 21

I would take them i was never taken to a funeral when i was younger and now it is hard for me to look if a casket is open and i know people who gone when they are younger and can handle it but people i know of that didn't go have more trouble going. well best of luck if u take them and i am so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels i lost both my foster parents who meant so much to me i named my daughter after them. I know a family member who had to but their cat to sleep a little over 2 yrs ago and the kids are now 5 and 6 and still don't know that the cat passed parents just tell them he is out their playing somewhere and that is it but i think they are starting to feel that something is wrong cause they see the one cat all the time and not the other they are outside cats. i know don't got anything to do with human but just an example of something.

Answer 22

Take them. They need closure, too.

Answer 23

My grandfather died when I was 7, it was an open casket funeral, and both me and my brother (then 5) went.

I remember being curious, touching my grandfather's face and trying to lift his fingers, but otherwise I just remember it being boring over there lol.

A kid can never be too young to learn about death, and your kids will only get one chance ever to say their last goodbyes, don't take it away from them. Just let them know their grandma passed away and how she passed away (unless it was in a really freaky way), and just be ready to answer their questions without any taboo.

Oh and bring books or games to the funeral or they will be bored.

Answer 24

What you should do, is talk to your kids.  Probably, they have not ever been to a funeral before.  Have you explained death to them?  If they can understand that Grandma has passed from life to death and now she will be in a place that everyone that loved her can come and see her one last time.  

That she will be laying down sleeping.  No, she cannot hear, and no she will not wake up.  Will they understand that perhaps people may cry, and if they want to, they can cry too.  Because everyone who loved her, will miss her so much too.

Your problem may be, attempting to explain the casket and the burial.  Perhaps you might have someone take the children back to the house after the service, instead of to the internment. In this day and time, death occurs swift and sometimes often.  Not only that, we cannot control the who.  This may be the reason why you should.  Because it is difficult to shield children from the calamities of life.

But the final decision is still yours.  If you feel that your children are too young, I completely understand that.  But as you said, they want to come, so you should do your very best to, make things as understandable to them as you can.  Because it will not be the last time.  We both know this.  My sympathies to you also in your time of sorrow .

Answer 25

no that will scar them for life

Answer 26

It truly depends on the child. Many children have later regretted that they didn't go to the funerals' of those they loved dearly. I would take them to the funeral; they are grieving too and it may help them in the grief process. Let them determine, though, how involved they want to be. Just an example, when I was 20, my great-grandmother died, and my grandmother insisted that I kiss her goodbye. My great-grandmother had been a spunky, loving, very warm person who was a joy in my life. When I kissed her, her body was like a cold stone you would find in the woods.Whenever I think of her now, I first think of the cold, dampness of her dead body and have to get it out of my mind before I can relive the good memories.

In other words, let them decide whether they want to look at her in the casket or just sit quietly during the sermon. Very often, young children want to say or read something about  a loved one during the funeral and they should be allowed to do so if they want to. Let them lead the way. Sorry for your loss.

Answer 27

its ok. if granda means that much its worth it. they might cry but dont be worried unless a week later they say 'Mom, I just saw grandma' like my sisters kids did

Answer 28

Take them to the funeral. Kids are aware that death is a part of life and the best time to tell them about it is now! Don't worry so much because you'll be surprised at how resilient they are to these times. By the way, My sincerest condolences to you and your loved ones...