Opinion & help with this poem?

Question

Forever is all but a distant memory

Tell me how it could be so temporary

As I question how it can be

You have become a stranger to me

the path you have chosen

leaves me feeling so alone

yearning to say I am over you

depths of my heart knowing it is so untrue

parting words have left wounds so deep

leaving my scarred soul to weep

i want to make it a 14 line poem like a sonnet. i'm stuck! let me know any revisions you would make? any ideas of what the last 4 lines should be? feel free to tweak this poem, i would like to see what people come up with! thanks : )

Answer 1

i love poetry man.. i have to admit im not bad at it me self....

k so now you can start to talk about your mind drowning in a pool of sorrow, after you get into that you can lift yourself out of your sorrow, get on your feet and triumphantly rejoice. or end it knowing that what you gained will lead you on another role in life.

Answer 2

Tears etch my face like acid rain

For I will never see you again

Tell me how could it be so temporary

Forever is all but a distant memory.

I like a bit of repetition.  It strengthens the opening of the poem.  Very nicely written.

Answer 3

i like it alot! okay so

here

my heart is forever closed

yet slashed to pieces

but some how i will heal

to the empty feeling you never feel

does that work?

hope i help...

good luck!

Answer 4

you could add:

I get stronger every day

I need  to say

now I am feeling fine

so I will stop wasting  my time