Opinion on intro to essay :)!?

Question

I am from the melting pot that we call the United States of America. The place where desire and hard work is enough to assure your success. Where our dreams are feasible and hope is abundant. The same place where the pilgrims came in search of a refuge from the oppressive government of England in 1620, and the place Cubans fleeing from their oppressive government in 2008 go to in search for the same opportunity. A place saturated with patriots, and by patriots I don’t mean those who love the country for the malls, the cars, the beaches; but those people who know that true patriotism is the admiration and respect we have for the ideas of our founding fathers, the hurt we feel when we lose one of our own, and the willingness to surrender everything to defend what we stand for.

Answer 1

Very nice! Beautifully written.

Answer 2

firstly, with your additional statement-well how about you go move to africa sweetie :)......

uh, yeah. i dunno what you mean by that. i was born in the us, but my rents are african. so yeah. hopefully your statement wasn't supposed to be offensive.

synonym for 'place'. broaden the vocabulary. i know it's supposed to sound repetative. but it sounds a little cheesy with all 'the same place' stuff.

all in all, it's pretty good.

Answer 3

the united states ****** up a lot of people. So no, i dont like your essay because it left a lot of things out. Why don't you write about what the united states did wrong too?

what has moving to africa got to do with anything?

Im from england!!!! not america!!! ahahahahah