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Opinions about fairy tale!?

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This is the fairy tale I wrote about how me and my boyfriend met. Tell me if it looks okay! I might have misused some words.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who slaved away at Edward’s all day and all night. One night, she spied a prince; muscular, tall, and handsome. “What a cocky and arrogant lad!” she thought, “but so pleasing to my eye.” But there was still something about him. She looked at him a little longer and started to think there was something more. He came to her and spoke to her. It seemed the prince was taken with her once he began speaking. “How lovely would it be, for him to be all mine,” she wondered. He spoke of a tale once true. Some evil mistress locked him in a room and chased him with a shoe! The girl was falling in a spell, with this boy so rare. She invited him out for a night of milkshakes. He agreed for he has seen some still within this girl. Except he wanted to bring her home, and show her to his world. She went to his kingdom and met his kinfolk/dynasty. The prince escorted her to the couch to watch Ratatouille. However, they were intrigued and in a daze staring at each other. It was this moment in which the two shared there first kiss. Just then, something rare and beautiful was created. The magic that both had instilled formed love. They lived happily ever after.

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  1. It's a cute fairytale, one thing though; "He agreed for he has seen some still within this girl" doesn't make sense. Also, it should be "their", not "there" in the kissing bit. I'm a grammar gremlin :3

    Other than that, it's funny and sweet.

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