Opinions about getting engaged

Question

I'd like to know everyone's opinions about getting engaged.

My boyfriend and I have been together for two months, we've known each other for about 12 years. We are very much in love, everything is absolutely perfect. We like all the same things, we like to do everything the same way, and we talk about everything. We have lived together for a month and a half because two weeks after we started going out, he couldn't bear to be away from me every night!

We've been talking about getting engaged, and he's decided he's going to ask me. Our communication is so open that I know when and where he's going to buy the ring, and I even know the exact moment he's going to propose... on the beach at sunset (he doesn't know I know this though!)

He's going to propose just after we have been together for four months. We don't want to get married for a while, probably 2 years.

So now you know all the info, here's some questions.

1) Do you think 4 months of being together is too soon to get engaged?

2) Should I tell him that I know when he's going to propose, or pretend I'm really surprised? Or maybe tell him after he does it that I knew?

3) How soon after getting engaged would you think is reasonable to get married?

4) His parents are a bit uneasy about him moving out... how should we tell them that we've gotten engaged (when we do?) My parents are thrilled (they know about it, his parents don't... eeek).

We're gonna do it, so I'm not after advice... just opinions. I'm curious to see what people think!

Answer 1

1) I do think it's a little soon. Knowing someone for twelve years, and being in a relationship with them is two different things. You are still in the "honeymoon" period of the relationship where everything is "so perfect."

2) No. Even you know his game plan down to the nano second, the moment he asks you'll be blown away, and completely forget that you knew all along.

3) I would say a year and a half to two years would be a good plan. That enables you more time together, and gives you the chance to plan, save, and get settled.

4) How old are you two? (Not being rude, trying to understand!) If you two are of legal age, his parents should at least anticipate him moving out one day. Doesn't make it any easier on them, of course. I would sit down with them, and tell them that you you two love each other, are committed to each, and plan to marry. Then follow up with how much it would mean to you both to have their blessing (not the same thing as permission, but it shows respect).  

Answer 2

ok i think if you have none each other for 12 years your ok to be engaged. about you knowing about the sunset beach drop hints. if he asked his parents about marrying you and talking to them

Answer 3

1) I think 4 months is pretty early for the average couple, but since you've known each other for so long and get along great, it doesn't seem too soon at all, really.

2)  Pretend you're surprised, since he's gone to the trouble of planning it and everything.  If he asks later, you can tell him you kind of had an idea of what he was going to do.

3)  I think a year-long engagement is a good time frame, but who cares, ya' know?  Every couple is different, with different circumstances.

4)  Go with your bf to tell them...maybe even take them out to dinner or something.  When you tell them, say how happy and excited you are, so they will see that you're confident about your decision.  Other than that, they're just going to have to get over it!  My family can be like that (freaked out about me moving out, getting married), but your boyfriend will be ok....they'll eventually get used to it.

Answer 4

Note: answers may not correspond to questions respectively, i just made up the points as i went along...

1/ celebrities meet today and marry tomorrow. the point is not taking a page from thier book but learning that it shouldnt matter how it looks to ppl if you are as in love as you say. your first paragraph describes my current relationship perfectly and i wld have married my fiance in days cuz now, after 1 1/2 yrs, we're now tying the knot and it didnt take us a yr and a half to know. i dont think u need ANYONE'S OPINION. but as you asked.....

2/ I personally dont agree with living together for those 2 years cuz alot cld happen without u being married eg s*x ofcourse, babies etc. its harder to end right when u havestarted wrong. I believe strongly that if someone is good enough to bed that they should be good enough to wed or you need to re-evaluate.

3/ even though to u ur man is an open book, doesnt mean u have to read everything cuz sometimes it takes the fun outta things. i knew all about the rings and stuff but i decided to stop, sit back and let him do everything. but if you dont need a suprise but just wanna fake a suprise then by all means, dig in!!!

4. his parents are uneasy cuz they are loving and expected more morally from him. If i was his parents i'd be disappointed too so you're just gonna have to live with whatever they say and remember that at the end of the day, its about you 2 alone and how yall personally feel.

p.s. i'm happy for your new love and i wish you lots of happiness. I think that you both have started out wonderfully but it looks like you started to make all decisions from heart over head. its usually good but in some situations it works better the other way. maybe not now but in the long run it makes sense. .

Answer 5

There are no set rules as to how, or when you get engaged.  Do what you feel is right.

Answer 6

I think 4 months is WAy to soon to get engaged. I have been with my fiancee for 2 and a half years and I am still getting to know him. You never know what will come up. Everyone has baggage. Just because you have known him for 12 years doesn't mean that you know him on a much personal level. I really think you should wait AT LEAST one year and then talk about it again. Seriously. Don't jump the gun. It's SO stressfull.

Answer 7

hunny if you in love and you know it feels right do it life is to short for regret i was with my bf for 9mons when we got engaged and just like every couple we have fights but i love him more and more each day i have be engaged for a yr and we are getting married may2nd 2009 and we couldn't be happier he is the missing piece to my puzzle hes the greatest thing to have every happen to me i am 23 hes 27... so dont listen to other ppl and negative thins they might say i know couples who were together alot let less then me and are going on 5yrs married. its your life and if your ready for marriage no one can tell you your not ready cuz only you know if your ready congrats and good luck with everything

Answer 8

1. 4 months is a short time to be together to get engaged. Depending on how well you knew eachother for the past 12 years really does make a difference though. Everyone's situation is different too! If you really love eachother then it will work

2. If you don't mind knowing, then don't tell him you know. If you want to be surprised, tell him someome leaked the info, and that you know. Honesty really is the best policy. If you think it would bother him that you knew, then tell him because it is such a special moment you don't want to ruin it!

3. I think that for a typical wedding, 1 year gives you enough time for planning purposes. Since you have been together for a short time, why not give it 2 years so that you get to know eachothers families pretty well before the wedding. It will make it a more memorable experience!

4. This question makes me wonder how old you guys are. If you are still teenagers, then slow it down a bit. Find out why they are concerned. Let them know you have a rock solid plan in place (where you are going to live, jobs, 5 year plan etc) and that should ease them. Im sure they just don't want him jumping into something without thought!

Good luck!!

Answer 9

Though it's nice you've known him a long time, you can only go by the time you have been dating - two months is NOT long enough. You need to be dating - well, you're not dating, you're shacking up - at least a year and a half, then become engaged, just long enough to plan the wedding.

The engagement period isn't the time to start to getting to know each other, it's the time to be planning the wedding and marriage.

I just reread your info - sounds like you and him are living at his parents - if you are .... not good. You need to get some independence and move out if that's where you are living.

Answer 10

1) It does seem a little soon, but you've also known him for 12 years -- which is considerably enough time to know that he's a good, stable individual. If you're in love and you can honestly picture yourself with this man every day for the rest of your life, there's nothing wrong with getting engaged so soon.

2) You might want to let him know that the information about the proposal got back to you, so that he can re-plan some things. You don't want to start off your new commitment with a secret!

3) I waited about 10 months before my wedding after getting engaged, and the best way to decide is to sit down and list everything that you want to get done before your wedding day (include approximate costs).  There's a lot involved in weddings, and you just may have always wanted to go on a road trip with your girlfriends, and that isn't likely to happen after you're married (trust me I know from experience). I would say 6 months minimum, but 2 years maximum.

4) Go out to dinner with his folks and don't act guilty or hide anything -- you're both adults and you made a decision and a commitment to each other. Smile! Celebrate! Unless there's some previous bad blood between you and his parents, they're sure to join in the celebration!

Congratulations, and prepare for the adventure and most wonderful journey of a lifetime!

Answer 11

4 months is way to soon to be engaged l would just keep dating until you can really get to know him more better before thinking of marriage lt took me 17 years before l actually married my husband