Opinions from mothers...long story..help please?

Question

I have a huge decision to make, and will most likely effect my whole life.

My parents immigrated to a different country for a better life, more money etc... I moved with them with my partner and i got pregnant unexpectedly. I decided to stay here for the duration of the pregnancy and birth for the support of my parents.

I now have to decide whether to stay here or go home. I obviously have my daughter to think about right now.

If i stayed, i would know i would be financially stable and me and my partner are better together here (less distractions from his idiot friends at home) but i am miserable in myself. I have absolutely no friends and I'm not the kind of person who just puts myself out there.

At home i would probably have to skimp and scrape for money (which is not the life i want for my daughter) but i know i can get myself out for an education and work etc...which I'm not comfortable doing so in this foreign country.

I have discussed this with my parents and partner and they say I'm an irresponsible parent for deciding to go home as i know i wouldn't be better off with money. Its so easy for them to say this as they all have a life here. I don't.

I have had to leave my old life, and haven't yet moved on. I'm so unhappy and nobody seems to understand.

I want the absolute best for my daughter, but i also want to be happy.

A person can go insane with no friends..Ya know!

As a mother what would you do? I want other opinions without people judging me..

Thanks for listening.

Answer 1

I would stay where my daughter is going to be better off.  

Answer 2

well i moved to a new city a year ago and am expecting my second girl in october. im not very social, mostly from bad experiences and being busy. but the more willing i am to adjust myself the more i like it. there is more opportunity here and a bit like you am letting myself get intimidated. just do your best to take advantage of things and if you have to go home after at least you tried.

Answer 3

I can not stress the importance of having the support of your immediate family when you have children. I never realised this until my mother passed away.  

Answer 4

I really feel for you as i think that i would feel the same if i were in your shoes. It sounds like you haven't been in your new country very long give it time as you said more money,away from your partners "idiot friends" and the support of your family.Your daughter needs her family and stability and her dad and its sounds to me that his friends may cause friction between you and your partner.Just see how you feel in say 6 months time.Is there a mother and toddler group you can go to as you may make friends there,try to look at it that your not doing it for you but for your daughter so she learns to interact with other children. i think you should try to stay where you are for the sake of your daughter,you are also important and an unhappy mummy makes an unhappy child.As long as you try to do the best you can then your an excellent mum and don't let anybody tell you any different. Good luck xxxx

Answer 5

first of all i really understand you both as a mother and also i've lived in 3 different countries. it is really hard to adjust to a new environment and making new friends all at the same time but it gets easier. you are already in this country so why don't you make the best of it? give this another year and if you are still miserable then i'd go home.

do you go to any mother and baby groups? even if you went and you didn't really talk to the mothers your daughter would benefit. and who knows, you might end up chatting to a mum there and make a friend.

if you are more comfortable making friends from "the old country" then there's probably a lot of them around (there usually is lol) and start there to make a friend or two and that way you won't feel so lonely and isolated.

i wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide. you have to do what's best for both of you and that isn't you being miserable.

Answer 6

just follow your heart and what you really want.

Answer 7

I can see your Dilemma on this situation.

When i read this, my first response was to do what is best for your daughter. so to stay where you are so you can give your daughter the things she needs and wants.

Then i was thinking, It wouldn't be the best thing for your you and your daughter to stay because if you are not happy where you are then can't be the best mum for her.

So i think maybe if the things that are making you inhappy are that you have no friends and have not had a chance to start your new life.

So here is what i propose.

Stay where you are for 6months, Give a really good go though. Join a playgroup or mothers group. You should be able to get into one by having a chat at your nurse at the visits with your daughter, they will put you with kids the same age and you will be able to gain friends that way.

It is really hard to get to know people when you are shy but if you can merg the good and bad points you will be a better parent for it. And do you want to raise your daughter with the same shyness as you?

So at the end of the 6months, if it doesn't work then at least you know you have given it a really good go!

I hope this helps you.

Good luck

Answer 8

i think it is really difficult to step outside your comfort zone.  it would be very admirable if you tried to do it for your daughter.  it all depends on the differences in culture, though.  is it possible for you to go to school there?  is there a language barrier?  if it is just a matter of not feeling a part of that society then i think you should give it a try.  if you put yourself out there and you still feel alone and unhappy then i say you have tried your best and you should come home.  being an unhappy person will not help you in motherhood...  and it's not fair to you, either.  gl on whatever decision u make :)

Answer 9

Its hard to find a new life! I moved to the city that I currently live in 8 yrs ago & still have a hard time living here.

My best suggestion is to find "mommy groups"--trust me there are TONS usually!  How to find them? Hit Google.com & start looking for inside your area.

If you aren't uncomfortable yet, try to volunteer at a few things. If you are bored & maybe you are as you don't have a social life, get out & try something new. At the very least it won't kill you.

Don't worry on the education front yet, it sounds like you have parental & partner support at this pt. Try to just join 1 mommy group in your area.

You are pregnant & that's also a great way to start conversations--for 1 it makes you more approachable--use that to your advantage!

Soon you'll have friends here by doing at least this 1 thing. If nothing else, wouldn't you rather feel like you at least tried? I know its hard but maybe it would help you feel like you're at least doing "something".