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Opinions needed on how to handle this situation. There have been no probs as of yet with my daughters father?

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Background: My daughter is 8 months old, father and I are not together, broke up 9 months ago when he cheated and moved out(love him dearly but thats the dealbreaker), we have an amicable relationship, not messing around, no drama, no arguments at all. Until now. Yesterday I took my daughter to her father's hse for the weekend (a few weeks ago he moved into a hse). I took a tour of his hse to check out where my daughter would sleep. we were on the porch talking when a chick and her son walked up. I spoke, he didn't introduce her, so i didn't knw if she was there for him or his roomie, so figured she was of no importance. I have told him b4 that I know he is going to date and to not have my daughter in bed with u and another woman. abt 20 min later, when im home she called (his phone). Saying did he tell u he had a gf and we live together. I said no. she started talking about how she felt I needed to know in case there were any probs. I said (still very calm) why r u calling me? she said he told me to. I said put him on the phone. He says he felt it had no relavance. I said who you have my child around is of relavance, I don't care what u do in your personal life but i would like to know ppl that she will be around, especially if they live there, of course I won't know every woman but I expect every woman not to meet my child either. she was yelling at him abt this, I asked where is the baby. she was right there. so i said u all are arquing in front of her. I said i don't like her in that environment im coming to get her, which i did. now when i got over there, he came out, she did also after him. just yabbing yabbing yabbing. I said no disrespect but I need to speak with my daughter's father, I could care less about your relationship but thanks for letting me know since u felt i needed to. she kept talking and I asked her twice to excuse herself. she said u all can talk with me here. i was getting upset bc all this is unneccessary. She was making a scene. I said if and when u become mrs only then will u become a part of a conversation about our child until then u have nothing to say to me. He went in the hse to get the carseat, him and I stood by the car and talked for a while. He is telling me to trust his judgement, which I normally do, but u can't even be truthful about who is living with you I have never even seen this woman, she is new on the scene (to my knowledge) it would be different if u have been around a while. u are more afraid I will be upset, I have told him our relationship is separate from the one u have with your daughter so even if i am upset with him, i have never taken it out on my baby and his relationship. I feel he sets the precedence on what my daughter will accept from a man, I don't want her seeing him with several women bc I don't want her to think thats okay. I don't know how to proceed. am i blowing this out of proportion? she is making a scene over something small, isn't it usually the babys mom who starts drama? I think I have handled myself very calmly but I feel very disrespected. what should i do?

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  1. welcome to the life of having a child with someone you are not married to. believe me, my parents are divorced and have been since I was 3 (now 15). it sucks! the "fun" is just beginning. for as long as I can remember, my parents have fought and fought and fought and fought some more over my brother and myself, and believe it or not, it hurts the child more than it does the parents.

    i'm not sure if there are really stats for who usually starts the drama, but if I had to guess from what I've witnessed, I'd say it starts on the mother's side, trying to protect her child.

    now, I don't blame you for not wanting your child around a random woman- my mother didn't either, and I also don't blame you for reacting the way you did. in fact, I think you handled it better than most. what you should probably do is call the father and talk it out with him- calmly. tell him what's on your mind, what's bothering you, and how you think it can be resolved. if you can't work it out unsociably, you're both going to end up arguing your way through court systems, which is both costly and completely unnecessary, especially if you and him were getting along fine before her. When your child gets older, let her decide who she wants to spend her time with, even if it's not you, and until then, give him visitation with her because as a dad, he does deserve to be able to see his daughter and she deserves to have him in her life (unless he proves otherwise).

    Good luck


  2. A talk is definitely in order.  One thing that I HATE hearing about is women or men who have been in a relationship for a short time interjecting themselves when it comes to their mate and their child's mother/father.  That is really annoying.  So, this chick needs to be put in her place...and it is not her business to call you either.

    It's a hard situation, being that they live together, to say he should only be spending his time alone with his daughter...if there are overnight visits, that isn't really possible.

    It's understandeable that u don't want many women in and out of your childs life, bu there is no guarantee that will happen. I grew up with a dad that sucked (he and my mom still are married..for now), but I had a mom, aunts, uncles, and grandparents that let me know his behavior was unacceptable, and I steered away from men of that caliber.


  3. I think you did the right thing! You didn't even get upset until they where fighting around your daughter. I would have to if anyone fights around my kids i pull them away or leave from where ever. You need to sit down and talk with your ex alone not with the new fling and tell him listen i don't care what you do on your off time but when your with my daughter i have the right to know who she is around and isn't. I don't feel right leaving her with strange people around and you not telling me. If he gets mad then tell him to talk to a judge about it. They will say the same thing. He should have told you that was his fault!

  4. FIRST IF ALL LET ME SAY THAT YOU HANDLE THIS VERY WELL. VERY MATURELY. AS A SINGLE MOTHER MYSELF I WOULD LIKE TO SAY I AM VERY VERY PROUD OF YOU. SECONDLY EVERYTHING YOU SAID IS VALID & NO YOUR AREN'T BLOWING ANYTHING OUT PROPORTION YOU HAVE MADE IT VERY CLEAR THE TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT TO HAVE & HOW YOUR DAUGHTER IS YOUR MAIN CONCERN. HE NEEDS TO BE RESPECTFUL TO NOT ONLY YOU BUT YOUR DAUGHTER & INFORM YOU AS WELL AS INTRODUCE YOU TO WHO IS GOING TO BE AROUND YOUR DAUGHTER. HIS GIRLFRIEND IS EXACTLY THAT A LITTLE GIRL. SHE NEEDS TO MIND HER BUSINESS & IF SHE IS GOING TO BE AROUND YOUR DAUGHTER THAN SHE NEEDS TO SET GOOD EXAMPLES FOR HER. AS FAR AS HIM GIVING HER THE PHONE TO CALL YOU I FEEL AS THOUGH HE SHOULD OF DONE THAT. IF HE IS A MAN THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE HIS BUSINESS WITH YOU NOT HAVE HIS GIRLFRIEND CALL. HE'S SAYS TRUST HIS JUDGEMENT WELL IT SEEMS AS THOUGH HIS JUDGEMENT IS A LITTLE CLOUDED BECAUSE WHY WOULD HE WANT A DRAMA QUEEN AROUND HIS DAUGHTER. GIVE EVERYTHING A FEW DAYS TO CALM DOWN & REALLY TALK WITH HIM ABOUT THIS. ASK HIM HOW HE WOULD FEEL IF THE SITUATION WAS REVERSED. GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING!!!

  5. Good for you,the way you handled that. I on the other hand !!!!!!!..  But it's early in these stages  if you did not anticipate any problems unfortunely there is "her and him". Understanding there's past before present,and this situation presents itself.You mention why you decided to break up cheating, it happens. May I suggest that you be the best you can mentally,physcially,and emotionally for that extension of you,"your child". But there had to be some things that you may not have had complete knoweldge of during the course of the relationship, and sometimes there always are so don't beat yourself up. "Arm yourself for I am sure you are about to experience some very unwanting,unwelcoming events surrounding this,as it unfolds,I wish the best and strengthen you with these words of widsom"This To Shall Pass" until then be as strong as you were as when and how you handled this previously. I'm rooting for you!

  6. Call them out and have a nice discussion first. On top of that, you can understand that lady more.

  7. listen...the baby`s mom IS making the drama..and even though you remained calm through out...its obvious that your a little jealous.you cannot control who your ex see`s or dates or who he chooses to be around...you HAVE to trust his judgement. if he makes  bad decisions  you can always call child protective services...he is not going to run his life based on what you think is right or wrong..nor can u dictate who he hangs around with or associates with...and this guy will be part of your life for a LONG time . and yes i agree that his gf had no business butting in, but hey thats women 4 ya lol..would you let him tell u who u can associate with?..i didnt think so...and that works both ways...heres what u have to accept...he is going to be with other women and your child will always be a part of his life...but you cannot control the situation no matter how hard you try and to think that you can...is foolish

  8. I feel you have every right to be concerned about who your daughter is around.  I wouldn't want my child around random women that her father is dating.  

    I think you should try to calmly discuss it with him.  In my opinion, the time he spends with his daughter should be reserved just for him and her, not his new girlfriend and her child.  If they were married or you knew they were together for the long haul, then that would be a different story.  You don't need your daughter seeing women come and go so she gets those values instilled in her.  


  9. Sadly, there isn't much you can really do about who your ex brings your baby around. Unless it is unsafe for the baby, which it isn't.

    Thsi is the heartbreak for all mothers, and father's too I am sure. Let the dad know that you don't ever want a call from the girlfriend again. That you have no reason to communicate with her, and if he has something to say, you expect to hear it from him.

    Try to take the high road here. It is difficult, but you have to be the bigger person. Your daughter's relationship with her father will be seperate from what it is with you. Concentrate on giving her the best home you can, and hopefully your ex will be able to do the same.

    And most likely these two will split up soon anyways. These things never last. Trust me.

    good luck..

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