Opinions on adoption from people who have chosen it?

Question

I'm faced with the choice.

If you have chosen it, please tell me your after feelings, thoughts, and if you feel good about it or regret it

Answer 1

I have never adopted but I was adopted 20 years ago.  I am thankful everyday that my birth parents chose to give me life.  and i tell my adopted parents that I love them and they mean the world to me.  My mom always tells me that i may not have come from her body but i will always be a part of her.  And at times, my parents forget that they adopted me and my brother.  it will be hard when they ask where they came from and when they want to find their birth parents.  i broke my mamas heart when i told her that I wanted to look for my birth mother.  at the time she didnt understand, but when all my medical problems came up, she realized that i needed the records.  So what I am trying to say is that adoption is a special gift that you will always cherish.  Good Luck

Answer 2

I am pregnant and have chosen to adopt my child to someone close to me.

I'm scared because I already have one daughter and I love her to death. But what made me make my decision firm was that I don't have the means to provide for another child the way I feel a child of mine deserves. Yes, I could keep it and struggle severely. I could love the child like crazy, but at the end of the day when you have to work two or three jobs just to 'get by', your kids suffer and so do you. I want every life I bring in this world to have the best possible chance and I know the person I chose will be able to provide that.

Will I be hurt, angry and lost. I assume so. But just think if the baby you have inside you was actually you....are you going to be able to provide the kind of life for that baby that you would want for yourself? I think everyone is entitled to their own feelings, but when you make the decision just be sure you have thought it through completely and that it is the best outcome for all who are involved.

Answer 3

7years ago I placed my daughter for adoption, it was the worst decision of my life. it is an open adoption and I see her often, but i suffer severe depression and I cry often. My husband is often scared because I cannot control my actions and I often feel lost. I have a new baby now and everytime I look at her I cry because I wonder about my first daughter and what could have been. I'll put it simply.. the bond you make with that baby in 9 months is stronger than any bond in the world. You may forever feel like something is missing in your life - because it is.

Some women are content with adoption - I wish I was one of them, but I am not. I get along great with the adoptive parents and wth my daughter and she loves her new little half sister - but it is so painful and a struggle every day. So much so that I plan to open a home for teen mothers to come to and live for free and I will help them with their baby so they never have to feel forced into placing a baby for adoption.

That was my choice - place baby for adoption or get kicked out of my home - I would have rather scavenged for a place to live than to feel this never ending pain. - I know that sounds pretty brutal - but it is how I feel and I really wish adoptive parents would realize how hard it is to lose your greatest love in the world.. just like it is hard on them to find out they cannot have children.

5 years after I placed my daughter I found out I had cervical cancer. I had many surgeries and they told me that the severe scarring it caused could leave me unable to everhave another child. I can't imagine what I would have done had that been the truth. Just be careful and think it through - decide months before you ever become bonded to the unborn child and make sure no one is influencing your decision - because it is only you who has to live with it for the rest of your life.

Answer 4

I am surrendering a child for adoption too so I will read the answers also.

Answer 5

Do not do it I thought about it as a teen beacause i was told i couldnt give my child a good life by so called know it all they are crazy all you have to do is want your child bad enough and love it and you will find a way to keep and raise it if it means flipping burgers .thank god i listened to my heart instead of someone wanting to greedily grab my baby in a moment of weakness

Answer 6

Hey, I have been in the same situation a you. I have a four-year old now and gave my second child up for adoption almost 2 years ago.

The only thing I can tell you is DO NOT RUSH into making a decision. Also, do what you want to do, don't let others tell you what's right.

I say that because I had a very open adoption. I didn't decide until 1 week after having my child that I would give her up. I couldn't afford her at all, but wanted her and didn't believe that money should be a reason to give up a child. I just kept praying and finally, God gave me comfort and let me know that the child was for someone else.

Also, I wanted the family to be like my own family because they WERE going to have MY child. So, I fired my adoption agency because they were telling me I couldn't have it this way. I called some churches in the area from the hospital and had the pastors come out to talk to me. After that, I found an amazing family whom now have become a part of my family. They are my closest friends, we belong to the same church now, and I go to their house several times a week.

The funny thing is, I don't feel as if she was mean't for me. So, it just feels right doing what I am doing.

If you want to talk, have any questions for me, or want to know more about the family-please email me. I know how awful and hard and painful all this is for you right now. If you need anything, please email me!

Answer 7

Everyone is different but I am gunna be completely honest with you. I am 22 years old and I listen to everyone around me and let them tell me adoption is the best thing and I didnt listen to me heart. It has been 3 weeks since I gave birth, and it has been the worst 3 weeks of my life. I am now doing everything I can to get her back. Do everything in your power to get some counseling because you want to make sure you are doing the right thing!

Answer 8

i gave my daughter up for adoption 6yrs ago her name is Savannah and at the time i regretted doing it but everyone told me that i couldn't have 2 kids while being epileptic, well now that 6yrs have gone by i am thankful i signed those papers.  I was not financially ready for her and sometimes i kick myself in the teeth because she was born on my birthday and it gets so hard.  But i know i did the right thing and i gave my daughter a chance at life, a better life.  The only one thing that bugs me about it more than anything is that she was my only daughter, i have 2 sons at home with me but my baby girl is gone.  But i look to the future and hope that i can see her again.

Answer 9

Hi there...I have not "finished" the process of adoption yet but I will tell you that going through this process I had a couple doubts but I know that she is going to the best family I could find. I have not had any doubts the past couple months. I am so happy. She will know that I loved her a lot and that is why I chose this route for her.

Answer 10

Wow, you've got some meaty and starchy answers here!

I just wanted to add how, even though I myself haven't adopted anyone (I'm not an adult yet either), my parents adopted two young boys from Liberia about a year and a half ago.

I cringe to even THINK about what my life would be like without them...

...here's are are two pictures: http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=4q8po91 and http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=6bcmm8h

My parents gave birth to three children and adopted three... never been happier. (I'm not adopted, but, as I said, two of my brothers are and one of my sisters is.)

Please consider adopting from a third world country!

We adopted through Acres of Hope Liberia (http://www.acresofhope.org/aboutacres.ht...

God bless!

Answer 11

Hi there mama - I am an adoptee that reunited with her birthmother at 24 years.  I know that she has been through so much since I found her - it really pushed her to the edge emotionally having to dig up this 'treasure chest' that she buried for so many years after adopting me out.  The wierd thing was that she started digging it up just about 6 months before she got the call from me, and had decided to tell her 3 boys, who she had with a different dad.  It was as though we were on the same subconscious timeline.  I would really encourage looking into open adoption if you are considering finding another family for your child.  I believe adoptees have a right to know where they came from. But it isn't easy to integrate everyone's emotions and there is a lot of loss involved for everyone.  Things have definitely improved in terms of open attitudes about adoption since I was a baby 32 years ago. But it is still a sad situation - the adoptive family, although they are gaining a child, are oftentimes grieving the loss of the biological child they could not have.  If you do get to choose the family, I would choose one that had already had a biological child because I think it would take some of that loss out of the equation.  I know that this is sort of negative view, but like I said - it has probably gotten a lot better these days.  Still, adoption is just plain complicated. I have had a great life, and I can't say that my birth mother made the wrong choice. But I am very much happier since I met her, and there is not a doubt in my mind that I have a very special connection with her and my birth father, one that I never knew before with my adoptive parents.  Just do what you feel is right and trust your gut.

Answer 12

You already have a lot of answers but here is my story-

I was 16 when I became pregnant. I chose to give my baby to a wonderful family that desperately wanted a child but couldn't have one on their own. I lived in a very conservative community and many people told me that this was a blessing from god and I was taking the easy way out.

Let me just tell you that it's not the easy way out. You will have insane emotions for months after everything or even yrs. It depends on the person. It has been over  4 yrs for me and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about all of it.

It's something you have to really think about. For me, I knew that I did not have that "maternal" instinct to care and nurture a child. It's not all about not having money or unconditional love. It's about what you are truly capable of. What is best for the baby? It's not even about you anymore.

Don't make quick decisions.

Good luck.

Answer 13

“I wouldn’t give a puppy to someone I didn’t know. I had to give my baby to people I had never met.”

“Adoption loss is the only loss in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful.”

Adoption; is never the best answer. I see on here; that someone comments; can you give your child the life you think they deserve; as long as you love your child unconditionally you will give the child the life he/she deserves. Your financial situation could change; they forgot to tell me that when they manipulated me out of my son. But; I realize now I could of always giving my son the life he deserved; and that was to be love. It is not about what I could buy for him.

If you e-mail me; I will get you to blogs you should read; [e-mail].

Hugs,

Kell

Answer 14

I did not choose it. I was forced into it.

After my experience, I wouldn't recommend that anybody who CARES for their child to give him/her up for adoption unless they have a drug or medical problem that prevents them from raising a child.  While I deeply sympathize for people who can't have children, your child is best with you than with strangers.  My son would have done much better with me, even with all the problems, than he ultimately did with his adoptive parents.   He wouldn't have been raised in a household with 2 drunks (mysteriously absent during the homestudy).

There are facts you should know specifically about first moms.  60% of first mothers never have another child.  Current estimates are that at least 40% of first mothers suffer lifelong depression as a result of relinquishing their child (and this is with OPEN adoption!?).  First mothers have a suicide rate 20% higher than the general public (are we getting this depression problem).  The agency will lie to you because they do not represent you, they represent the birth parents.  If you want to know what support is available to you, contact Planned Parenthood or Social Services.

Answer 15

Hi, I have not given up a child for adoption nor was I adopted, but I have two siblings who were adopted, and my husband and I are trying to adopt because we cannot have our own children.  The only advice I can give you is don't let anyone force you to do anything you don't want to do. People might say that adoption a great opportunity for your child, but if you are unhappy and then change your mind it's not a great opportunity for you, your baby, or the couple who thought they would be raising your son or daughter.  Adoption is unfortunately  leaves someone with a broken heart and someone with a heart filled with joy.  If you do choose adoption try to look at it this way, there will eventually be beauty from pain. Your child will grow up loved and well cared for in the family that you chose for them. I can't say that your pain will never go away but I think in time if you choose the right family for your child and are at peace when surrendering your child to them, you will have done it out of love and compassion for your child.  We are working with Bethany.Org, no matter what you decide their agency can provide you with free counseling so that you can make the decision that is best for you and your baby. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide and I thank you for choosing life for your child, it's women like you who will someday make my dream of becoming a mother a reality.  Best of Luck~ Jamie

Answer 16

I lost my son to adoption many years ago.

I regret it every single day. If I could go back and do it again, my precious child would be with me.

Before you make a decision, consider reading "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier. She gives insight into what the child, who is the most important person in all of this, goes through.

I think it should be a must-read for any woman considering adoption.

Answer 17

i am 22 and last year i a placed my child for adoption. there are alot of different adoption options. I chose to have an open adoption and was blessed to find a family that wanted to have an open adoption. We write letters monthly, call each other weekly, and send pics to each other. Just last week i got to go visit for the first time and it was beautiful. I'm not saying that it's easy. We were all nervous to meet each other. Open adoptions can work you just have to be honest with the adoptive parents and vise versa. and take your time building a relationship with them. in the long run we think it will be good for my daughter to know that even though i gave her up, i was still around and plan on being there always.  that may not be what you want so i suggest that you do what i did and call an agency, learn your options, and take your time. Giving her up was the worst day of my life and it takes alot out of you emotionally and other people won't agree with you. but if you honestly feel if your heart that now is not the time for you to raise a child or cant finacially than i would suggest that you do look into adoption. you can choose your own family that will adopt your baby and also meet them and talk on the phone. If you choose to do that PLEASE make sure that it is a family that wants the same type of arrangment that you do. and get everything in writing. everyone's adoption story does not turn out good like mine. so my advice is just to listen to your heart, take your time, and pray. whatever you decide just take your time and know that there is help out there. if you ever want to talk you can email me anytime. Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 18

I was not faced with the decision to give my child up for adoption, but I was adopted as an infant.  I have 2 wonderful parents and a wonderful life and I would like to thank the woman who loved me unselfishly enough to put my needs ahead of her wants and needs and allow me to have all the advantages of a stable, two-parent home.  Thank you bio mom, you made the right choice for me!

Answer 19

If you're having second thoughts on adoption read this:

'Adoption Creed'

Not of my flesh,

Nor of my bone,

But still

Miraculously

My own

Never forget

For a single minute

You didn't grow

Under my heart,

But in in.

Any man and woman can have child,

But it takes a real mother or father to help, love, care, aid that child.