Opinions on my Short Poems?

Question

I wish I knew what made us,

I wish I knew the truth,

I stop to find the madness,

I'm searching for some proof,

That the times of our existence,

Really do exist,

That this is not just something

That I forgot I missed,

I'm looking for a reason,

An answer to your why,

I'm afraid that I might find,

That this is all a lie,

They say to live each day,

As if it were your last,

How do you know that day,

Hasn't come and passed.

C.S.

When your world comes crashing down,

Who will catch your fall,

Who will pick up the pieces,

When there's no one left to call,

You can live in this world alone,

And you can make it through the night,

But when your in the dark,

Who will give you your light..

Everyone falls,

and you will too,

No one's invisible,

not even you...

Can you get back up,

Or does your ego weigh you down..

When the tide crashes in,

I'm afraid you might just drown.

C.S.

One day I can't wait to meet you,

And sometimes i think we've already met,

I saw your face in a dream, and I can't seem to forget,

I wonder what you'll sound like,

Who you're gonna be,

I wonder What you'll love,

I wonder what you'll see,

Liittle Piece of me,

Sometimes I think we've already met,

I saw your face in a dream and I can't seem to forget,

I think you'll have his smile,

I think you'll have my eyes,

Red lips, milky skin, and a button nose,

But nobody really ever knows,

Baby of mine, you could be anyone, anyone in the world,

But in my dream, I saw a beautiful little girl.

C.S.

Answer 1

I like them a lot..Again, if U break them into stanzas, they 'd have much greater impact on the reader. The rhythm is good ( in general), and w/ a little work they could be three of those sentimental songs ( a country, maybe). The third however is different, were U were guessing how the child gonna look like.. If U entitle Ur poem, then U 'd give the reader  a space of speculation, but not out of the original intended meaning. In sum I like them, the three of them.

Answer 2

A very fine three beautiful pieces of lyrics. I admire for the theme and the style. Each poem is of 16 lines . We shall take each one of them separately :

1)   That this is all a lie,

    The above line more or less tells us of the whole theme of the poem.

People do tell us that live every moment, but the poet says , ' how do u know whether that moment for which you lived, has come and gone , who knows and who can tell ?

    Written in a iambic trimeter, and occasionally is rhymed. the last six lines are in good rhymes in alternate lines.

2)  This poem has a variation in rhythm of iambic trimeter and tetrameter. But it is soothing to the ear. So the variation is fully justified. It breaks in fact a certain monotony which in English poetry is an important feature.

In this poem, the last two lines are the key ones, they sum up what the poet wants to say :

When the tide crashes in,

I'm afraid you might just drown.

In this poem too , like the first poem, the end is bleak and destruction of everything loves and cherishes. Only in the first one there is a doubt about everything , whether they exist or is everything an illusion and a lie ? In this poem the poet thinks that everything is going towards an ultimate destruction.

These are two aspects of creation that people keep on debating , illusion  and destruction.

3) The third poem is of a dimetrically opposite nature . Here a positive factor of love comes in. Freya the mother of love is the cohesive and binding factors to all our contradictions and death and illusion. Our dreams of love are the realisations of tomorrow on this sordid planet. Let us see who wins the race.

Here again the last two lines are the key ones :

Baby of mine, you could be anyone, anyone in the world,

But in my dream, I saw a beautiful little girl.

I love all three of you poems and please write more often your thoughts and emotions which will also rouse ours from our torpor of sleep !