Opinions on these lyrics as a poem?

Question

So my last question was about a poem to go into a "in memory of" type picture for this guy's grandmother. I was just wondering what you all thought of these lyrics being used as the poem.

"Darkness Round The Sun"

Somewhere there's a sea that has no other side

Somewhere there's an airplane lost, beyond the sky

So fly us up, above the clouds

Live your life, where you are now

In the darkness round the sun

Theres a light behind your eyes

When you've lost the will to run

You can feel it start to shine

When the rain falls down so hard

And you don't know where to start

Drowning in the sun

Somewhere someone thinks they've found their perfect love

And you think you've found the answer to all of this

So hang on

Sometimes we miss

I'll be your perfect kiss

In the darkness round the sun

Theres a light behind your eyes

When you've lost the will to run

You can feel it start to shine

When the rain falls down so hard

And you don't know where to start

Drowning in the sun

Drowning in the sun

Answer 1

i thought it was wonderful you can tell that you love poetry i love this poem and maybe ill find it in the books of poetry

Answer 2

I think if you are doing "in memory of' type of poem - you should select one that is somewhat more personal - for example: ♥

I Miss You

©  Michelle Williams

I think about you all the time,

And everyday it hurts to cry.

So much has happened in my life,

I'm not sure how hard to try.

Tears are falling constantly,

My heart hurts everyday.

I think about your beautiful smile,

That I pray I see again someday.

The sweet smell of your perfume,

Has slowly faded away.

But all your helpful teachings,

Are always here to stay.

I can't express how much you taught me,

So much I can't explain.

All the times I can remember,

Never once heard you complain.

So many hearts were broken,

The day God called you home.

It seems as though each one of us,

Were left to survive alone.

I know there was a reason,

That you had to leave.

To keep us in your watchful eyes,

So now in God I really do believe.

Answer 3

Im not sure about it.  "drowning in the sun" kinda wierd