Opinions on this feel good poem? (Yes that is sarcasm)?

Question

Ok I'm one of the most synical (cynical? as far as I know it's with an S but not acccording to word...) 13 year olds ever who has grown up in a good family in canada. But here it is. It's not edited because I am the worst editor ever and it always sounds worse after I edit it.

I look up from my murky depths

Into the crystal sky

Chained to the ground

When I wish to fly

My vision tinted

To only see dark

I battle with it daily

To imitate my lark

The good deeds overlooked

The suffering stilled

A dozen lives saved

And one man killed

Leaving and living

My only intention

But forever silenced

While I hang in suspension

My hopelessness

My unforgettable losses

Cynical, pessimistic, scornful

Everything I know, from unjustifiable causes.

Answer 1

Some excellent images and thoughts but you need to spend more time on meter.  Read aloud as you write to feel the beat.  In doubt, read some old masters.  This has potential, spend some time with editing to make it shine.

Answer 2

you tried to hard to rhyme

judge mine

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