Opinions please?

Question

Quiet, Time, and the heart

Late at night when the silences gather

I'm left thinking about those things that matter

These are the moments i watch you rest

and watch the breath move, in and out, your chest

All our fears laid aside

Outside, watch the time glide

Softly your heart beats

Hours pass....the clock cheats

As it rises, the silence grows loud

But here in our quiet place, no worries are allowed

In this our time, our space, there are no fears

And as the seconds stretch to years

I

am

Content

Answer 1

Your storyline is very beautiful and delicate to the touch! My fear is, you try to reach out too far from this comfortable place you lie in with your love interest. STAY THERE!!! And you are using way to many commas!!! It is starting and stopping the rhythm. I don't want you to stop what you're saying! A beautiful setting like this should be described until you are almost breathless from speaking. Please allow me to refrain...

It's late at night and all the silences gather

Like stars in the sky the good things that matter

Are moments in time as I watch you rest

Rising and falling rhythms of your chest

Our fears set aside so comfortably reclined

This space in time forever etched in my mind

Your dreams must be calm as your heart slowly beats

I awake in late hours as I watch you asleep

The sun will arise soon to bring noise and crowd

Our walls hold in quiet no sounds are allowed

This is our time and our space to be all alone

To hear sweet sounds of nature, Oh it's good to be home

This spirit this movement was all heaven sent

I count all my blessings-

Yes,

I am

Content.

I fell in love with the ending! It was as if you were the guardian and protector and now that all is well, you can finally sleep... I am thirsty for more...

Answer 2

This is profoundly beautiful.  It flows elegantly and the sentiment is moving and sensitive.  It does my heart good to read such an uplifting work in the midst of so much angst.  Thank you.

Answer 3

I like the content a lot, it's good!

I like some of the meter, but i would experiment with more syllables like adding words between before or after your current choice of words. Jagged rhythms good too...