Opinions....?

Question

what do you think of this short story?

it's called "Lost in Wal-Mart"...

http://www.helium.com/items/1050520-martit-saturday-march-along

Answer 1

I'm glad you don't skimp on description, but not much really happens in this story.  Half of it is describing your trip going to Walmart, and then you quickly get lost, then found, and then the story ends.  There wasn't really any buildup of suspense.  Try spending more time on her being lost and scared.

Answer 2

Here's something offbeat:  While wandering in this bastion of hyper capitalism, you notice that you begin picking up the vibes from the products worked on by the "slaves" in China -- many stories are revealed about their lives and challenges...take it from there.  Adds a bit of social commentary and depth, does it not?  :)