Oppositional Defiant Disorder, but mom won't help?

Question

My stepson is 4 years old, and has very obvious ODD (Oppositional Definat Disorder)

http://www.revolutionhealth.com/articles/oppositional-defiant-disorder-/sto167608).

His daycare had mentioned it to my husband, and when researching it on the internet, it is very apparent that this could be the case. He has been kicked out of 4 daycares , and his behavior is getting worse and worse. Whenever you tell him no, even with full explanations as to why the answer is no, he will throw kicking and screaming tantrums and start swearing at you, telling you he hates you (he told his daycare lady, on the first day, when is was time to switch from playing with toys to their art activity that she was stupid, he hated her, he was going to p**p in her eye, and kick her ***.... in one long sentence!).

The problem is that mom does not see this at all. Anytime he screams/swears/throws tantrums, she is so concerned with what the other child/daycare workers did to him to make him so upset. He has no rules at her house, eats whatever he wants whenever he wants (hence the 8 cavities/2 pulpotomies/2 crowns he has when my husband took him to the dentist on one of our summer weeks last month). We only have him every other weekend right now, so what can we do to fix this? She refuses to talk to my husband (my stepson has never known mom and dad together, as they only dated for a couple of months), she won't even tell him if my stepson has eaten when we pick him up.

How can we treat this before he really struggles when school starts. The last thing I want is for her to ruin his life by making excuses for him constantly, then send him off to live with us as a teenager when he is out of control (we would take him to come live with us in a second right now!)

Any advice concerning this issue for our family would really help!

Thanks!

Answer 1

That child needs structure, rules, consequences

Answer 2

Get an attorney and go for full custody.  You can use his dental records against her as she isn't taking proper care of him and use anything else you can think of!  Just the fact that she won't take him to the Dr and get him diagnosed should work against her as well!  Good Luck!

Answer 3

Your position as step mom, is a very difficult one.  Has he seen a doctor to determine their is actualy a problem, not that there isn't, but you should have him checked out.  Their are groupd of doctors who examine children, at certain centers.  You may look into one of these.  Or call your local childrens hospital.  My daughter was evaluated years ago at one of these centers to determine what was going on.  It was an all day thing, which multiple doctors and therapists saw her, and multiple tests were done, mentally and physically.  Then within a couple of weeks we had a diagnosis, and support on how to manage schooling, daycare at the time, and we were even provided with a list of qualified daycare providers who could take care of children with different disabilities.  

But this must be a family ordeal, as both parents will have to agree to such an evaluation.  And may have to be present, as this was a test to see what and who upsets the child and why...

Its been years and I cannot remember the name, but at the time we lived in Miami, FL, and it was an evaluation center.

Good Luck..

Answer 4

What I would do is fight for custody.  I doubt he has any sort of disorder and he is just acting out because of his home life.  Get a lawyer and save this kid before its too late

Answer 5

my daughter have the same issue, shes on meds and it works wonders.

Answer 6

mediation for the parents and therapy and/or medication for the child

Answer 7

Have your husband take him to a Psyciatrist that specilizes in working with children sometime when you have him long enough to.  Seeking therapy and possibly meds would be a very good thing.  And once he is diagnosed and a  treatment is recomended if his mom refuses to acknolage that he has a DIAGNOSED medical condition, and to help provide the treatment recomended  for it, that is child neglect and could gain your husband custody.  

Also just the dental problems he had shows neglect too.