Our daughter Hates Us

Question

We gave our daughter so much love, care, put her through college, paid her living expenses, was a close knit family, etc. When she was to graduate we all went to see her graduate, however, she had a bad attitude and more or less told us we didn't do enough for her as putting her through college was not enough. My husband was so upset by her disrespect and attitude and we ended not going to her graduation. She never called after that and refused to speak to us. She married a guy who is controlling and we did not know she was even married except we found out through the internet. Since she married she had moved numerous times and we were unable to locate her. Last month we were able to locate a phone number for her and we called her and we told her we missed her and loved her very much. she told us she loved us also. We contacted her again last week to see if she would like her baby pictures, etc since she is now married and she would answer the phone and put the answer machine on rather than to talk to us. After 5-6 times of being put on the answer machine her husband answered and told us that our daughter wants nothing to do with us. How can a daughter who had everything she ever wanted while growing up including a loving family who cared for her be so cruel. She used to be very loving and caring and was very close to us until she met the man she married. Now she does not want contact with us and this game playing with the answer machine was very hurtful. It was very odd for us to hear that she did not want any of the baby items we saved for her as she always looked forward to having them once she was married. We feel that we will never see our daughter again. Has anyone else had similar experiences.

Answer 1

First of all, how old is she? I remember when I had just graduated High School, I went through a rebelous stage for a couple years. Maybe you can just let her have her "rebelous stage" for a bit. She will grow out of it. I think if you keep calling that it may only fuel the fire, but as long as she knows you love her and she knows that she is ALWAYS welcome in your home that she will eventually come back into your life.  

Answer 2

My oldest son quit talking to me for about 3 years....I was the worst mother on the planet and well every other hurtful thing he could say to me....I was broken hearted......the only way I knew what was happening with him was his brothers...but one day he had to make a grown up choice and life got really hard.....I was the first person he called...he needed me and I was there with open arms...we are better now and I am glad I did not do anything rash just waited it out....I am going to be a grandma in Dec. and am going to be at the birth of my granddaughter...who by the way will be named after me.....so I am not telling you this to hurt you but to let you know that kids (no matter what age) can hurt you worse then just about anyone on the planet.....Just pray (or don't) and wait.....Send cards I did....and when she needs you just be there with open arms..worked for me

Answer 3

I think your daughter was being selfish and took everything you did for her for granite.. thats what happens when parents give there kids everything they want, they want more, and when you dont give it to them.. this is what happens. And the guy in the situation doesnt make it any better.. im sure he is telling her that she doesnt need you guys and that you didnt do anything for her.... nothing much you can do since she never wants to answer your calls.. I guess you should just try and let her come around and eventually she will realize how much you guys loved and cared for her. When she really needs someone, she will kno how much she messed up. Its gonna take a while.. but i would just stop calling her and let her contact you.. I mean if months go by, give her a call, tell her you still care.. and then just see what happens.. Im sorry this is happening to you, your daughter is really selfish and doesnt care about how much she is hurting you.

Answer 4

Well as parents we will have times our children hate us even though we have done nothing wrong. Trust me she will turn around one day just keep being there to pick her up as good parents do. There are time in which she will be a complete brat because she it trying to prove to her self she is an adult and doesn't want mommy and daddy's help any more. It could also be she told her husband that you two where horrible to her even though you weren't to make him feel bad for her I don't know the situation entirely. But I know she is trying to push you two away to try and prove she is an adult and problem is saying all of that to keep you away so she can prove to her self what she wants. Also her husband might be telling you all a lie because he is tired of you 2 calling the house. I suggest you just mail her the baby items any way and say in a note you love her and that you understand she is an adult now. Also be sure to mention she is more then welcome to call at any time and you and her dad will always be there for her. I was horrible to my mom and dad and trust me I changed now I try and make contact with them once a month and make sure they know I care about them. But let her have her space for now I know its hard to do because you love her just let her have her space and time to figure out she is an adult and adults still can talk to there parents. Please I know it hurts you and your husband to have her do this just take this time to be with each other. If you two want to go on a vacation then go and you can invite her if she wants to come but either way just go for you 2. Well that’s my two cents worth I wish I could give more advice but that’s the best I got.

Answer 5

I am sorry to hear that. What I am thinking is the husband is so controlling that he is making her cut ties with you. There are a lot of crazy men like that. Or maybe she is so angry and stubborn that she can't forgive you for missing her graduation, right now. Or maybe she is stressed and needs psychological help in some way. What ever it is, please keep trying to talk to your daughter because I really don't think that it is totally her. I really think it is the husband. Don't let him keep you from her. Try to go and visit her and see how she acts around him. You can get clues to what's going on by seeing her face to face and if you suspect something is going on with her, try to help. Just be there for her because it seems weird that she would just cut you off like that. Also, try not to be too invasive. And by the way, if she is being controlled and abused by this man, she needs to want to get out of the situation because she has to make the decision to get out of the situation or not.