Our daughter-in-law has been hostile to us since day one. Would we be right to do the following?

Question

We have paid for our son's college, helped him financially when he started working and have always been courteous to him and his wife. However, his wife (who is estranged from her father and brother) does not want anything to do with us. They have 3 children and even if we have sent presents and cards over the years, we have never even seen the 2 youngest children. We have a daughter who is a single mother and she comes over regularly. We are thinking of changing our will to leave everything to our daughter (who needs the money). Our son is well off and apart from a phone call when he needs something, we have no contact. He also has no contact with our daughter. What do you think?

Answer 1

Leave your money/etc to whomever you choose.

Just a note though, you need to contact an attorney to discuss specifically mentioning the exclusion of your son and his kids in your will -- not mentioning them can open things up for him or his kids to contest the will, saying that you 'forgot' to mention them.  Seriously, it does happen, more often than you may think.  It is very important to specifically state that you are leaving your son and his family *nothing* because if you don't have that outlined in the will, he and/or his kids can make things really tough for your daughter via a drawn out legal battle over the estate.

Answer 2

First of all, I'd have a sit down with my son and flat out ask him what their problem is. Do they live in the same city or far away? If u haven't seen two of the children there definately is a problem. I wouldn't just cut them off until I got a streight answer. If they've got no answer I'd suggest that they come up with one. You don't need to tell them why. If they don't, then go to your lawyer and have a will drawn up naming your daughter as sole beneficiary. Your Lawyer will probably say something in the will referring to your son so it won't look like you just forgot him, like leaving him $1.00. Since he's well off I'm not sure he really needs something from you and I'd tell him you just couldn't afford it right now. You might have some unanticipated expenses. Let it go at that.

Answer 3

yeah. i think youre right.

but talk to your son first. try to get into contact with him. ask him whats going on. and then...

Answer 4

Certainly. I advised my parents to remove myself as a financial bene as I do not need and it would help 2 of other 3 siblings. I didnt feel it my place to also suggest take x out because she doesnt need. A will is not only the financial, try to deal w sentimental items and make sure your health proxies etc are up to date.

Answer 5

I think that would be the right thing to do.

Answer 6

I am living the same life...with the exception of not having a daughter...how very lucky you are for that. I had all boys.  i call my son once in a while because i miss him...i ask about the babies... I encourage my sons to talk with each other...right now my son and DIL are so caught up in being the perfect family until they have no room for anything else including me...even tho..they would not be where they are without me...my son would not even be here if not for me...so...whatcha gonna do...she can dislike me all she wants...i won't exclude him from my will or my life.. because he IS still my son and always will be...kindness always wins over...I may never live to see it but they will....and that's all that matters...blessings to you  my friend! and just enjoy what you have!

Answer 7

It's your will and so you should be comfortable doing with it what you want.  If your son is such a user and you don't have any contact with your two youngest granddaughters then he and his family have no reason to be upset if they are left out of your will.  Besides you have said that he is fairly well off while your daughter is more needy, so it only makes sense to leave her the majority.  Best of luck.

Answer 8

It's your money...if your daughter would benefit more from having it, should you pass away, then leave it to her.  Leave something personal for your son (a car, furniture, etc.).

It's a shame that your own son has allowed his wife to keep the children from knowing their grandparents.  Maybe you could leave a little bit to the grandchildren ina  trust that they can have when they turn 25 and should be out of their mother's control.