Our daughters are 11 and 13, am I crazy to think I want another child?

Question

My husband and I both turn 36 this year. We are both nurturing parents who are very proud of the well rounded, respectable daughters that we raised together. My husband has always wanted just one more baby ever since our youngest was born. The problem is that I did not. I love my family the way it is and am afraid of change.

My husband is a great Dad and he dotes on our daughters every need. Like most men he longs to have a son. He dreams of being the Coach Dad for his son's football team. He talks about it often but now it seems to be taking its toll. My sister's son is 6 and is playing his first season of football this year. Since the start of the season, you can tell that this really bothered my husband. He sees my sister's husband coaching his son. Now he talks about having a son more than ever. I am struggling with mixed feelings now.

I am at a point in my life were my daughters don't need the care that an infant requires and I like having this freedom. Another child would spring me back into that manic Mom mode. Do I really want that again at this point in my life?

Am I being a terrible wife by keeping my husband from possibly having the son he always wanted? I feel a baby, regardless of s*x, is a gift but let's face it... another pregnancy wouldn't guarantee a son, either.

Has anyone here been in a similiar situation? I would appreciate any words of wisdom.

Thank you in advance for your help :0)

Answer 1

Have another baby is my opinion.  

But if not, here is a song for you.  It is "All-American Girl" by Carrie Underwood.  Listen to it on playlist.com and search for it in the search for music spot.

Answer 2

go for another one :)

Answer 3

Something to think about when having a baby later in life:

The chances of mental retardation/physical impairments increase as women age.Not all babies born to older women are plagued by disability, but it's something to think about.

Have you thought about adoption?

You could adopt a toddler boy.

Answer 4

My brother is 17 and im 15, and my mom JUST had two babies, go for it

Answer 5

If I were in your shoes I would strongly consider having another child. But then again, I am a bit younger than you and don't have the life experience that you do - oh and I'm pregnant with out first baby!

The thought I have is of the new addition to you family. They will be much younger than their sisters, pretty much making them an 'only child'. That's where I can help. Being an only child is lonely and can be difficult when forming relationships with other people. My best friend is my age (23) and she has an older sister who is about 10 years her senior. They never see each other and I've never met her.

I guess it all depends on your family and experience. Best of luck!

Answer 6

Go for another on my grandmother had 15 kids and no twins

Answer 7

nope, my oldest sister is 15 years older then my youngest sister

Answer 8

well, if it were me, i wouldnt have another one now.  just because your daughters are getting to an age when they are going to need their mothers full attention.  kids are always little angles till they hit their teen years ( not trying to say that your girls will be trouble), but realisically, it could happen.  i think it would be hard taking care of a baby/small child and dealing with the adolescent issues of your teen girls.

Answer 9

36 isn't that old. If you BOTH agree to wanting to have another baby, I say go for it. 11 and 13 years are a far space for siblings, but that is how it is for me and my siblings, and I love it to be honest. I mean, its now or never right? Just make sure you both want and will be able to care for this child. I see no problem with it at all :]

Good luck!!

Answer 10

Noone can advise you on what's best for you - it's your life

But if you're wanting a child in the hope that it's a son for your hubby, I feel you'd be going into it for the wrong reasons.  I know you'd love the child regardless of s*x, but you'd undoubtedly feel disappointed if you had another girl - admit it to yourself.

Having a child for this reason is a lovely thought, but I think you should try and work out how to feel more complete as you already are. Who knows, maybe one of your daughters will grow up to embrace Football?

:-)

Hubby might even feel under pressure to work more hours for more money for the new arrival and in effect, be spending less time with his loved ones. (Don't mean to assume or offend, just a line of thought I'm having at the moment.)

As I'm sure you are aware, things in the house would be quite chaotic with another baby, plus your girls will be at school (high school for one) and might need more help / guidance in keeping her in line than you might not be able to devote with another baby to care for.

Also, the cost of living has risen significantly since your last child - another point to consider.

Could he volunteer at the Football club / team? Or spend more time with your sister's son - taking him to practise sometimes also?

This has nothing to do with your age, you are still young, but you do need to think about ages in the future.

Will you both be fully fit, commited and devoted to caring for a baby as you both age physically, and with more demands at work etc...?

It's a big decision, only one you AND your husband can make.  Communicate and I'm sure you'll work out what's best for your family.

All The Best

:-)

Answer 11

as u said that being pregnant again it doesn't means that u'll have a boy.

first of all make this thing crystal clear to ur husband.

wat if this time is also a daughter. he'll b askin another chance.

make it clear.

now comin 2 ur points:

1st wats so rong abt being MOM mode agian, i mean wat it wud b, ur next child'll eat u, destroy ur financial state, or mental state, look u r 36 now.

means by next baby u'll b 37.

now tell me wats the avg age of a human being in ur country.

dont u think that having a baby at this age will b helpfull wen u cross 50 or 55.

and above all u r also not sure that this time'll b a BOY.

i say go 4 it and PRAY 4 a BOY.

think if its a boy ur loving husband'll be mor than happy, u'll b having a different experience  of being a MOM. as its different to raise a boy than girls.

they'll also hav a brother. a boy means another guardian to ur daughters, a helping hand for ur husband and it'll means much mor to u.

so wat r u waiting for. goto ur husband hug him kiss him make things clear n finally go to bedroom :-)

i also pray 4 u. that u may have an obedient child either daughter or son. wat wud b a benefit if he/she doesn't care abt u.

by c ya take care  

Answer 12

ugh your in a hard situation. But, if your husband loves and cares for you he can respect your decision not to have another child. I mean i think he'll live if he doesn't have a son whose team he can coach but if you want another child go for it!!

Answer 13

No, because my aunt accidentally got pregnant at 38 years old, and her daughter was 15. Now she has a 5 yr old, and a 21 year old. So you are good to go.

Answer 14

If you are going to have another child don't wait any longer. Now would be a great time . My younger sister and I are 10 years apart. When we were younger we didn't have a lot in common, but now that were both grown up we are best friends. She was a great babysitter for my kids, now my kids watch hers. I'm so glad my parents chose to have her!

Answer 15

i say go for it. 36 is still young.

im a youngest of three (and an accident)

and it's obvious that im the favourite

Answer 16

I am 16, so i don't know if what I am going to tell you is really going to help you out that much since I have no experience whatsoever as a parent.

But, I have an older brother who is 18 and for a long time it was just us two. My parents tried having a kid when i was about ten but it died while my mom was pregnant with it.

My dad always wanted a daughter and so did my mom. I was 12 when my sister was born and and my brother was 14. I really enjoy having a younger sister and always enjoyed playing with my sister when she was a baby. I understand having a baby is a lot of work, that is why i helped my mom out a lot with my sister. Im sure your kids would too.

It would really make your husband happy if you had a boy and I bet your daughters would like it as well. My mom told me although it was stressful having a baby she was glad she did, she was 39 when my sister was born by the way.

In the end I bet you will be glad you did it.

Hope I helped!

Answer 17

"IF" I was in your situation, I would not. You did your raising now is a time to start enjoying your life, Travel and so on.

Answer 18

ya go for it...

Answer 19

You're right. Another pregnancy would not guarantee a son and after age 35 pregnancy is riskier.

My husband always dreamed of having sons too because of his obsession with sports, but instead he ended up with 3 stepdaughters and no children of his own. I used to feel bad about it too but there was no need, because now he has a beautiful grandson that is obviously going to be as addicted to sports as he is.

Lots of men want sons and lots of them get daughters instead. I don't think you're a terrible wife for not wanting to get pregnant again.

Answer 20

I would say if you're comfortable with it, go for it -- but don't wait too much longer!  Keep in mind that you will be within your last few years before retirement when your new son/daughter goes through college, and that financial support is an important consideration.

Also, what happens if you get another daughter -- will you try a 4th time or just stop there?  There needs to be a cutoff point.

Answer 21

No, you are ok. My aunt had her son when she was 35 and her daughter was 18. Now she has a 10 yr old and a 28 yr old.

Answer 22

I think if it is right for both of you then go for it. I have two sisters one is five years younger than me and the other is fourteen yeras older. A family is what you make it, so if it is right for all of you then go for it.

Good luck