Our family hates my brothers fiancee and she hates us should we go to their wedding?

Question

My brother just proposed to his girlfriend of 3 years and they are getting married in December. My ENTIRE family hates her. Everyone alwasy goes out their way to be nice for the sake of my brother but she is just rude and nasty at all times. Recently our sister got married and my brother was not allowed to be in her wedding. She threatned to break up with him if he participated. They attended the wedding but he wasn't in the wedding party. This hurt my sister beyond belief then to top it off when we tried to take a family picture she told my brother he coulnt be in it and told my sister that if she dared touch my brother to get in the photo she would slap her. She then pushed my sister in front of guests. my sister had to walk away to not make a scene at her own wedding. So now they're getting married and we're torn. We love our brother and want to be there for him but we don't agree with what he's doing. She even sends me nasty text messages saying we're lucky we're invited. We've talked to my brother so many times and he gets upset at her but doesnt do anything. Part of the family wants to attend to show him we love him and he can count on us and the other half wants him to know he's hurt us and we don't agree. What should we do. This is causing everyone so much pain especially our parents. Us three siblings were so close and my brothers situation is tearing the family apart.

Answer 1

My brother's wife is the same way.  Sorry, but the reality is that your brother will end his relationship with his family over this overbearing woman.  It is HIS choice to do so.   Stop pretending your brother is a nice guy. He isn't or he would not have tolerated his gf's behavior.

I did not attend my brother's wedding (wasn't invited). But, then, I wouldn't have attended anyway. I see no reason to attend a wedding where you can't be at all supportive for such a controlling person.

Answer 2

what a b**ch i say go if it means a lot to your brother, don't let her tare you guys apart!!

sorry

oh and as for the present get something only your brother would enjoy, or maybe a big portrate of the family!

Answer 3

Go (as awful as that will be), and do your best to be neutral and polite.  If you don't go, the bride (soon-to-be wife) from h**l will turn your absence into a mantra to mess with your brother's head ("see?  they don't love you, they didn't even show up").  

It sounds like she is an abuser.  Abusers isolate their victims from their support systems. Think about how it would be if it were your sister who was marrying a man who hit her.  You'd go, if for no other reason to let her know that she's not alone if the sh*t hits the fan.

Your future SIL sounds like an evil hag.  I'm so sorry for your family.  I hope a miracle happens and your bro comes to his senses.

Answer 4

1. forward this question to your brother. maybe if saw in in writing he would understand. 2. this terrible girl makes me think she tares your brother down and so therefor feels forced by her hand in many situations.(like standing out of your sisters wedding photos). i would have to say i wouldn't go. i bet she only invited you guys because she wants presents. ya know? whats her family like?

Answer 5

A wedding is supposed to be a beginning and it would be great if you could start over with this woman, but she sounds mentally ill. The other part of a wedding is it's supposed to be fun. Would you have fun at their wedding?

If your bro didn't support you in the previous incidents, he can't expect your support at his wedding. Bow out. And try and get that girl to a shrink.

Answer 6

He should be sticking up for his family. I disagree with him entirely and if he can't be there for you guys, why should you guys be there for him? He DOES need to understand that his fiance treating his family like this should be a deal breaker. I don't think you should attend the wedding.

Answer 7

Should u go to the wedding YES. Do you have to like it, NO. Do I smell a divorce happening soon, YES. Sometimes we have to be the bigger people. Your brothers needs to stand up for hisself!

Answer 8

Don't go.   Your future sister in law is a ******, and eventually will make your brother's life miserable (she's already doing it) so as the life of his family.  If he has chosen that life, that's his problem, not yours.

Answer 9

I think it's a good idea if you go. It's showing her that no matter how hard she tries to get rid of you, you're not going anywhere. Get the whole family to be absolutely nice as pie to her. Then if she snaps it's her that will look bad, not you.

Boycotting the wedding and being nasty back will only fuel her argument that her fiance should have nothing to do with you. If you don't do a thing wrong, she can't win.

Answer 10

I agree with Lynn Z. My whole family hates my brother's wife, but we put up with her for him. Also, we know better than to p**s her off because then we aren't allowed to call or see their daughter. You will just have to do the best you can to be there for him, and hope he wakes up and sees her for who she is.

Answer 11

I could tolarate rude behaviour and the texts for the sake of my brother, but the fact that she threatened to slap your sister and pushed her at her wedding and your brother did nothing is just too much.  I woudnt go and I would explain to your brother that while you love him to death, you cannot go and support a marriage to a girl who treats your family with the greatest disrespect.  I feel that people should only attend a wedding if they wish the couple the best and totally support the wedding.  if you dont then it doesnt matter how close you are to the person getting married...you shouldnt go.  

Answer 12

You can't pick your relatives.

You don't have to chit chat or make eye contact but you have to go.

You can leave right after dinner.

This will give her nothing to torture your brother about - be ause she's going to be looking for reasons why he shouldn't see his family anymore.

He's chosen this path, all you can do is be there for him if he needs you.

Sorry.

Answer 13

Why is she so hateful? Why do you guys allow it?

It seems to be that being nice has gotten no where, and this girl needs some sense slapped into her. Somebody needs to get a backbone and tell this girl that you won't be having her act like that.

As for your brother, I'm afraid he's made his own mess - and he's the only one who can do something about it. He needs to get a spine too, because I know you guys won't be seeing each other at all if he allows this to continue. He has a choice, and he really needs to make a good one. It makes a huge difference whether someone gets along with family, because that family becomes their family.

If she makes a scene with anyone ever again with the family present, someone needs to speak up. This is getting out of hand, and the only way to stop it is to put a stop to it!