Our students are depressed?

Question

In the past month we have 100, maybe 200 students who have told us they want to commit suicide. We offer help to the students by reaching out to them. We try to find all the ways that are best to aid them in suicide. We haven hung their nooses, gave them loaded guns, and helped them by giving them razors. What else should we do to reach out to those special kids who are depressed?

Answer 1

during class time a regular reminder on the intercom reminding these students how much life sucks and subsequently theirs also, sucks.  Also bringing in a parents to show the children what they will end up being and looking like when they grow up should speed up the process.  Good luck, and remember your doing God's work son!

Answer 2

... so youre helping kids suicide?! 0_0

youve got to be kidding

Answer 3

Inform the parents about the status of your students.