Out of control 11yr old....what else can be done, any suggestions?

Question

Hi everyone, Well here's some what of a backround on whats going on. My brother who is eleven and of course the youngest out of three children. He is being raised very differently from the way me and my other brother were. He has no fear of anyone or anything. My parents give him pretty much whatever it is he wants. They know that they have pretty much created a monster, but have no way how to prevent him from getting any worse. They have talked to health pro's. and he is on adderall (which I do not think he is ADD at all) They have taken things away from him which never seems to help the situation. He'll tell anyone to shut up or talk back. He'll go to hit you. I was playing around with him last week and he klicked me in the stomach, because he got mad. I have suggested boot camp to them, but Cant find any that will take him because of his age. What else is there. Oh... and here's another example of how bad his anger is... he fractured a boys leg at school who had to put in a cast

Answer 1

Tell your parents not to show any fear of him. And if he talks trash then whoop him good. He deserves it from what you say. As long as you whoop him without breaking the law, then he can tell anyone, and they may investigate, but if no abuse occurred, then what can he do? He won't try telling on his parents again if nothing comes of it. Then whoop him for telling and he'll stop that. Main thing is to let him know that no one's scared of him, and he's gonna do what he is told. He's needs to be put in line. Have your parents read this.

Answer 2

you hardly mention father, he is the cause of it, he should be the man in the house, but he has allowed ur 11year old brother to run the roost, show that little boy that you are older, you showed him respect, he must now respect you. it he hits you, you must return the favour and just as hard, he needs discipline, and you shows that you cares and love your little brother, go ahead show this young man how to behave, never back down, save him. Purest blessings peace.

Answer 3

This may seem cruel but I myself am only 15 and the day corpral punishmet died was a sad one, parents are so protective of their little angels that they fail to teach them real life skills and this 11 year old may depend on them for a long time, hit him if he misbehaves it dosent have to be hard, the point is to shock him back into the real world, anyway my parents are stern and im eternally gratefull

EDIT- now that i think it might just be puberty and hormones but the same still applies

Answer 4

maybe adderal is not the right med for him, your parents need to take him to a psychiatrist that specializes in that sort of thing..there are many out there.....if he doesnt get some help, then the schools will see he gets it ..he could end up in big time trouble...

Answer 5

tough one, i look forward to reading the answers as i have very serious probs with my 12 year old daughter.

Answer 6

Oh.... I definately agree with Adam F86... He needs his *** kicked... Probably repetitively too. That will definately cure his "problem". Seriously you need to pay someone to instill the fear of god into him, let him know each time he messes up bad enough that he is to expect that... Pay another 11 year old... Or a kid that has failed like six times and is still in the sixth grade... Because there is always someone out there badder than him.

Answer 7

he needs a strong male figure thats it! kids bootcamp will be perfect for him either that or make him stay 3 days in jail. there is nothing wrong with having confidence and not having fear(he would be perfect for the army)but to take it to the point that he uses it to fight. you made the mistake by not beating him when he was younger now you see the end result. your child needs to be fearful of you not to the point that your  child doesnt want to talk to you or is scared of you but to the point that they know when the mess up there going to get beat for it.

Answer 8

It sounds as thought your parents need to see the counselor as well. If the current therapist is not working then they need to find a new one. I think that your brother has a anger management issue and a behavioral disorder, not ADD. I woudl inform your parents that although it is easier to give in and give up it won't be easy when he hurts someone and they sue them. They could end up losing their home because "there is nothing they can do".  As much as it may seem like he needs his bum smacked I don't think it will have the desired effect on him. I think it will make him even more violent than he is now. He needs to see a behavioral specialist and a psychotherapist. Otherwise you are right he is in for a lifetime of bad choices and imprisonment, not to mention the finacial damage he could cause your parents. If you explain all of this to them and they still do nothing about it then you have done all you can and must leave them to their own devices. It is wonderful that you care so much for your little brother.

Answer 9

you need help, see a doctor

Answer 10

Smack that b*****d around some.  Let him feel what it feels like to be hit.  He's only 11, how hard could he hit back against an adult?

Hope this helps.

Answer 11

Divert his attention to the nature, which is so beautiful. Take him to the most beautiful, amazing places. Show him pictures of beautiful landscapes and tell him to draw in a paper sheet.

Give him tips to upgrade his drawings. Tell him to draw your imagination of nature. This will divert his attention from cruel thinking to soft thinking. Keep appreciating him for his good acts. Avoid talking to him for one day, if he done wrong think.

Don't beat him, he will realize his mistake.

Answer 12

Sounds like he needs to be smacked around a little bit. One of these days someone he's picking on is going to fight back and he could get hurt. Maybe that's just what he needs. Sounds harsh, but it's true.

Have they tried talking to a parental councilor?

Answer 13

The problem originated with the parents. They need to find a good family counselor and the two of them need to go without the son.

This boy is showing huge amounts of anger and scorn, and that comes from something. He may be reacting to the lack of boundries he has been given. Are these parents his original parents, or is there a divorce and a step-parent situation involved.

Please ignore all the suggestions of hitting, beating, stomping. Spanking a two year old to keep him from touching the stove is not the same as beating an 11 year old to subdue him. What these people are suggesting is only going to make the problem worse. A good counselor can give your parents the freedom to discipline without fear of losing control or causing harm. Your parents need to show their son that ehy have control of themselves and of the household. A counselor can help them do that.

Answer 14

Exorcist.........definetly...

Answer 15

try the silent treatment

Answer 16

Smack him give him a good country styled beating. He'll learn his leason sooner or later. Whoop his A**. make it hard for him to sit down. and then don't let him eat for a day as punishment then send him to his room and only let him come out for school and dinner. If he says anything to you smack him again. Beat him til he is blue in the face.

If that doesn't work PRAY

Answer 17

my brother is out of control too - hes the same age  although he sounds not as bad as your brother my mum has thought  of counsling for him.  also little things can contribute to helping him like a stress ball the problem with my brother is his anger he gets vey angry over litttle things and realy fires up and hits me ect.  a stress ball would help him so he can just let his anger out or maybe a punch bag.   another good things would maybe to  put him in some kind of sports club  . im a swimmer and if id have a row with my mum when  i go swimming i totoally cool down . try puting him in a sports club he might like to join.. little things like thst can contribute to cooling him down.

Answer 18

I think he could be doing this for attention.Or he just wants to act tough.

Answer 19

Sorry to hear you're going through this

I cant offer any good advice because I really dont know what will work. All i've learnt from people i know that have issues with anger is that there is always a reason for it and mostly its the result of things that happened in the past that they've kept bottled up. They always tend to bring up past events in arguments aswel suggesting they havnt quite let go of it. I'd keep seeing mental health professionals to find out what his real issues are because he may just be upset but show it as anger. Be patient though, it took me a h**l of a long time to realise I was ill when I was suffered from depression and BDD and i still dont know the reason behind it. I was very angry, reclusive and irritable when actually im not like that at all, I just had some problems that i couldnt pin point and even if I could didnt want to talk about. People who are bullied ect often show signs of anger when infact they're just hurt and lonely and again its not something they like to talk about so make sure things are ok with his school, social and family life. Boot camp wont work if that is the case though so try and elimate the possibilty of that before you try boot camp

Good luck x

edit - im sure you will but just in case dont listen to the ones telling you to give him hard punishment. i believe that disipline is of course important but you dont have to be harsh or cruel about it and please please please dont hit him it doesnt work and it just messes you up in the long run and makes you scared of people you should never try to make people do things out of fear x

Answer 20

I suggest sending him to reformed school, school for badly behaved children.

Answer 21

Being a sibling there's probably not much you can do other than avoid him. The discipline starts at home. Unless your parents are willing to change their ways of dealing with him he'll only get worse. It takes time and effort to get an out of control child back on the behavior track where they belong. The violence being a huge factor I can understand your worry. There are two books I recommend reading for your parents. They were given to me by my sons school psychologist. My son had behavior problems when he first started school. 1 2 3 Magic worked like a charm. But once a discipline is started it must be followed and kept up with.

1 2 3 Magic: http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effect...

Parenting Your Out of Control Child: http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Your-con...

Good luck..I hope things get better for you and your family.