Out on the tiles.......a poem, care to comment?

Question

A new one...for Grace, George, Whoopee and Patchy

A perfect night spent out on the tiles

Hot footing across cold tin roofs

Stealth is my plan and execution

Darkness hides even the whites of my eyes

I curse the moon in its high resolution

Lives beneath my feet play out

For me I’ve saved my nine

Live each night in secret lurking

Every silent footstep mine

Sudden sounds divert my view

Alert I am to my surroundings

From atop the eaves the scene I see

Shadowy figures fleetly abounding

Veiled darkness lights my way

Knowing dawn will come too soon

I call with a wild instinctive voice

Beneath the light of the moon

Before Myles 325 chimes in. No, it is not a mid-winter in Tasmania poem lol. This aint "live" poetry....

Answer 1

Funny.  My only critique would be meter.

Answer 2

Like it, except for each capital letter at the start of a new line, not new sentence.  79%  "Cat on a cold tin roof"

Peace.

P.S. What is "live" poetry?  I never seen "dead" poetry.

Answer 3

This is so good...funny, and clever - both things I love in poetry.

I mean - Hot footing across the cold tin roofs, obviously echoes of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof....this immediately grabbed me...and the rest of the poem didn't disappoint.

I had no problem with the meter - I like it when verses change meter, it prevents monotony.  In fact, this is so good all I can say is 'More, please'

Edit - poems always had a capital letter at the beginning of each line, and like you I often write them this way.ps - I'm miffed you didn't mention 'Buckley' my rabbit! (Well, my son's but he ignores him most of the time, my son that is)

Answer 4

Love, love this poem about all these real, virtual cats. If the meter is irregular, it echoes the stalking of the cats as they do their instinctive things at night. The imagery is intense, exactly describing the stalking cats, actions and even their thoughts and feelings.

Answer 5

Oh Jellz!  This is wonderful...I just read it to G&G and they meowed with as much energy as they can muster after gorging themselves on Little Friskies.  They are terribly jealous of any Kitty who can  walk on a cold tin roof at night.  Alas, they can only go as far as the porch!