Over emotional or just being protective over my child?

Question

it is my son 1 year birthday party on may 23rd and my brother always seems like his wife and kids have so much to do and that they dont know if they can come and i feel like that he should come to his nephews birthday party because i am the baby of the bunch and this is his first nephew and you only turn 1 years old once and it really bothers me becuase i feel like that he should come and if he don't then i am really going to be hurt. Just becasue he always act likes he so concerned about me and my son but when it comes down to it i feel like he hasn;t got anytime for us nomore. And i made a comment to my mom tonight that if he didnt come then he needs not to bother anymore becasue my son loves his uncle and it breaks my heart that he wouldnt want to come. So what do I do and how should i feel about this.

Answer 1

Talk to your brother. He may not know how you feel. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own lives that we forget the other lives that are affected.

Answer 2

I think you have every right to feel hurt  but I would be absolutely honest with your brother and tell him just what you told all of us. See if there's anyway he can re-arrange his schedule, or if you can agree on a better day so that you all can celebrate together.  Honesty is contagious and you may find it's simply a time, or lack thereof thing.

Answer 3

Oh you are just being too emotional. Is there no one else coming or what? You need to let this go, this ain't worth a fight or losing contact with your brother over. Your son is the most important thing in the world to you... but don't expect him to be the center of everyone's universe... he's not.

Have a great birthday and if he loves his uncle so much, then make sure you don't do anything to end that relationship.

Answer 4

You are being way too overly emotional.  It is a special birthday for you and your son however it is not the same for other people.  Of course it would be nice if his uncle could come, however, if he has prior commitments it isn't the end of the world.  It would be absolutely ridiculous of you to not speak to your brother anymore just because he couldn't make it to your son's party.

Answer 5

I am surprised at everyones answers. I agree with you that is if your brother lives fairly close to you. You do only turn 1 once and an aunt or uncle should defiantly be there if they can. I would have loved to be ther for my nieces and nephews 1st birthday, but they live far away.

Answer 6

You are absolutely right to feel this way and you should TELL your brother that.  

Tell him you don't care what he has that is so important, this means a lot to you.

Sounds like your brother does not want to put a cramp in his lifestyle.  That is kind of selfish of him.  If he really cared about you he would be there for this occasion.  Now if you expect him to be there year after year after year....well you will end up disappointed.

Some people only want a casual connection with others and don't want to be involved too deeply with them even if they "love" that person.

If he doesn't make it then you know you shouldn't expect him to be a major part of your life.  Find good friends who care instead.

Remember, you can't pick your family, but you CAN pick your friends.

And remember too, that you are just the type of person who really values family and relationships.  Your brother is just a little more selfish and focussed on his family.  So time you detached yourself from him.  You will learn as you get older that just because you are born into a family doesn't mean that they are the ones who end up loving you the most in the long run.  Some brothers/sisters never see each other again when they move away.

It takes all kinds to make the world go round.  Live and learn sweety, and fill your world with hand-picked friends who make you happy and cherish them.

And I wouldn't over-extend myself to invite them over on another day...nuh uh...they don't deserve that respect from you.  Even if you plan the party on a day that is suitable for them, you will find they can't make it.  It's not a matter of "they are busy" just that they really don't want to be THAT CLOSE to you and your life. You probably are in a different social situation than them aren't you?

People make all kinds of excuses but there is no excuse when you love someone.  It's only a few hours of their day and tomorrow they could all roll off a cliff and what does it matter what they have to "DO" that is so important.

Answer 7

Call your brother and ask if one day is better then another. Then make the party on the day he says is better.

It doesn't have to be on his exact b-day.

Send out invatations now... so there is plenty of advanced notice.

Answer 8

Just invite them over when they're free.  It won't make any difference to your son.  A one year old birthday party is for the parents- not the child.  If it was imperative that your brother and his family attend, then you should have discussed the date with them before it was set in stone.  Best wishes.

Answer 9

Well that is how every parent feels about their child, a 1st birthday is extremely special and he should not miss it.... but i think i know the problem, that is a busy time i think it is a Wednesday and his kids prolly have school so maybe move it to like in June or that weekend like may 26 or 27.

But ur not being over protective or over emotional cause EVERY parent should feel that way about their child especially if it is ur first child... cause i know that my mom said that when i was born she took extremely good care of me and then when my brother was born he was the same and then when my sister came my mom kinda relaxed and it is a third child so she didn't get totally spoiled like me...

Hope i have kinda helped (i am 14 so i am not like a mom speaking, i am a kid who knows what it is like to have ur parents really care about u):)

Answer 10

You are feeling sad because you want your brother to stay a part of your family more than he is. Tell him how you feel. You cant give an ultimatum to family its just not a good idea. Talk to him and tell him how important it it to you and how much you want him as part of your sons life. Dont use your son as leverage though, your son is turning 1 and with cake and presents he really wont remember whos there and whos not.

Answer 11

I think that you are being a little over emotional. Maybe something is going on and you and  your brother aren't spending as much time together as you use to. Maybe you could sit him down and tell him you feel a little disconnected from him and you would like to spend a little more time with him. Set up a lunch date or something and tell him you would really appreciate if he came to his nephews birthday party.

Answer 12

You may find when your son is older, especially if you have more kids, that much as you love your nieces and nephews you may really not have time to go to all their birthday parties.  And if there's one birthday party that's really not important to attend, it's the first one, since the baby won't even remember who's there and doesn't even know it's his birthday.  

Give your brother a break ... he's probably legimately focused on and busy with his own kids.  If you're feeling that you're not as close with him as you want to be, go over and visit him and his children more (bring your son and let the cousins play!).  Whatever you do, the wrong thing to do is to cut off ties with your brother over something as silly as a first birthday party (which, as everyone has pointed out, is for the parents, not the baby).  Build bridges.  Don't burn them.

Answer 13

Im sure he'll probaly do his best to be there

Answer 14

Looking back, 1 year birthday parties are not that big of a deal.  The kid doesn't remember anything about it, you have to open all their gifts for them, and all you really need are a couple of good pictures for his/her baby book.  1st birthday parties are sooooo boring for other adults that aren't the baby's parent.

Answer 15

I think kids need their parents more than other family members, but if it bothers you so much; Talk to your brother about it and come to a agreement.

If he is too busy with life like many people are; then just focus on your bundle of joy.

Answer 16

don't impose your opinions on others.  have a nice birthday with your son.

Answer 17

spell check and we had that problem

Answer 18

1.You took english in High School... do you remeber ANYTHING you learned? That was one long sentence and really annoying. But, being the nice and caring person I am, I will answer you anyways.

2. I know you're kid turned 1, but it's not the end of the world because his uncle couldn't come. It sounds your brother has a lot on his plate. Just know that he's busy and ask him to come celebrate with you sometime. It really just isn't a big deal. Don't get upset of spilled milk. Him not coming isn't your fault - just forget it. In 13 years, you'll be laughing about this, and your 13 year old will get to tease his uncle.

Answer 19

This isn't about your son. This is about you.

Your son will never know uncle wasn't there unless you tell him.You are going for the throat on your brother because you are pouting.

Its the same thing as "taking the ball and going home"No one else gets to play anymore because it's YOUR ball and you are Mad.

Think about why you are going to cause this rift in your family." My son loves my brother"

So what did the baby do to lose his uncle?

OK so uncle is a poopy-head and doesn't want to come to a 1 years olds birthday party so what ?  A  mature way to think of this is

That's really sad you can't come. We can save you some cake and next time you come over

I will take a picture of you together, OK? :)

I am thinking you just had a bad moment  :(

you will be ok :) BTW... Happy birthday to your sweet baby !

Answer 20

same exact situation happened to me!! SAME EXACT!!!

I haven't talked to my brother or his wife in almost 3 years as a result of this same thing. It got CRAZY-- I told my brother we'd really miss them if they didn't come and he told his wife I gave him a guilt trip and she called me up, screaming and shouting and we just had it out!! Yeah, like I said, it's been 3 YEARS!!! I feel bad about it and I think unless you have a child, you just don't get these things.

Good luck--

XOXO

Answer 21

what????

Answer 22

I think you're making a big thing out of it than it needs to be.

I'm the mother of the three, so I know how important a baby's first birthday can be to a mother.  In reality, though, most people just kind of think, "The baby doesn't know what's happening anyway, what's the big deal.  The birthday is really for the parents."

If you brother has his own family he probably does have a lot of stuff to do.  Uncles of babies usually show up more when the uncles are young than the mothers of the babies, and baby is the first baby in the whole family.

Parents and grandparents usually see the baby's birthday as a big deal, of course, but expecting uncles to feel the same way is a little more than I think is reasonable.

At one year old your son is primarily interested in you, and he's just about at the age when he's figuring out he's a separate person from you.  He may smile at his uncle when he sees him, but it is unlikely he's thinking about him much when his uncle is not around.

Your brother probably does care about you and your baby, but a lot of brothers don't see the need to be "all involved" with everything that goes on with their sister's baby or children.  (I have a brother.  I know.  It's fine with me.  He shows he cares in his own ways.)

Answer 23

I think ur a little emotional because u feel a little ditached from ur brother and his life. You want him to partake in events with u and the family right? Well u can't force him and telling him not to bother will just cause rivalry and pain. Maybe u can talk to his wife n c if they can take a little bit of time to go the birthday and get some pictures in. Tell them that u want them all to be a part of it cuz it might seem like ur nitpicking. Just calm down breathe and don't worry I'm sure ur brother loves his nephew!