Over reacting to Daughter Situation?

Question

my daughter is with her dad and she is 12. they are in another state and this is the first time she has ever spent this long with him. she doesnt really know him this well so her normal self of speaking out is not how she acts with him. She is shy and afraid to hurt his feelings. I found out yesterday that they only have 1 meal a day! What? Yup a big lunch.. no breakfast and no dinner.. this is how they are normally.. she is hungry all the time and feels bad, her dad bought her some microwavable dinners so she can eat at night. When she is with me she eats 3 meals a day and normally very healthy meals a day. She felt bad for telling me and doesnt want me to say anything to him. What would you do?

Answer 1

I wud suggest 2 the father over a night-time conversation that it might b good 2 eat more.  Tell him simply, and camly that his daughter is used 2 eating more than 1 meal a day.  I'm sure he wud understand. ^^

Answer 2

I would talk to her father.  I would tell him, nicely, that she needs to eat more often than once a day and that for a growing teenager, only eating once a day is not healthy.

I would try not to come off as judgmental - just informational.

Answer 3

what a moron he is! i hate ex's...they all act like they have completly lost there minds. my daughter is 6 and when she goes with her dad for the weekend, i pack an insulated small cooler and put it in her back pack at the bottom so if she gets hungry she will have something to snack on. we have the same problem, but the court doesn't want to do anything about it cause at her age, it's my word against his. i would definatly let him know that it's not acceptable, even if you just wait till she gets home and then talk to him about it. the courts are so jacked up about "absent parent" rights, they totaly over look the rights of the child involved. so, you have to find a way to work around the system!! I have had to teach my daughter how to do alot of things on  her own so that she will be able to care for herself without help while she is there with him. it's really sad. she has pretty much been forced to grow up alot faster than i had hoped she would, simply for weekend survival!!

Answer 4

I'd let her handle it - she'll get hungry enough that she'll tell him. You not interfering will force her to confront him which is a good thing.

Answer 5

How long will she be with him?  If this is for only a short period, less-than-ideal eating won't hurt her.  But if it's going to be long term, find a way to communicate with her dad and make different meal arrangements. Microwave dinners aren't necessariy bad - there are some healthy ones out there.   Keeping a stock of cereal, milk, bread, peanut butter, fruits, and vegetables such as carrot sticks on hand would allow her to get breakfast on her own and add healthy side dishes to the microwave meals.  Can she get to a grocery store and shop for herself?  Perhaps this is a good time to educate her about good meal planning and nutrition.

Answer 6

Okay, if you talk to her dad it doesn't make her bad or awful for saying something to you.  She obviously needs more food which isn't a bad thing since she's a growing teenager.  You said they hardly spend time together which means he probably doesn't realize this.  He probably's satisfied with just the one meal and snacks the rest of the day.  He won't know unless someone tells him and if he's a good dad will want her to be okay there.  He doesn't have to cook her gourmet meals but maybe give her money to pick out what she wants to eat from the grocery store.  Get some fast food here and there which won't hurt her if it's just once in a while.  Go ahead and speak up.

Answer 7

Talk to the father. This might be ok for him but it's not ok for her. Shame on him for not understanding it. It's crazy. It's not healthy.

He sounds totally clueless and like he doesn't care. Seriously, what planet has he been residing on?

edit: It's better for your body to eat smaller meals. You don't have to a giant breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But you should eat something to keep your blood sugar and your body going. It's healthy. I'm thin, an adult, and I eat 3 meals a day. I don't eat a lot. I don't snack much. I get headaches if I go too long without eating something. But also I cannot eat a lot at one sitting. I just can't.

Answer 8

Sounds like dad's aware of how she's feeling & is dealing with it nicely - finding a solution that works for everyone.  I wonder how dad found out that she wasn't happy with just one meal, if she's afraid to talk to him...  

I wouldn't say anything to him.  She doesn't want you to.  And, it sounds like she's working it out.  The most I would do is to encourage her to continue to politely work with him & speak her mind -and- to have a good time.

Answer 9

Men are strange.  Just mention to him things she likes at breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Mention that young girls need to eat about 3 meals a day.  I wouldn't accuse him of doing wrong because it's likely what he does without her around and likely thinks that since it's good for him, it's likely good for her.  He may just not realize it.  I usually only eat one meal a day (when I'm not pregnant) and a snack in the evening myself, but my kids get 3 meals a day and two snacks.

Answer 10

You should confront her dad about this, make it sound like your daughter didn't say anything to you. Like say, "I see she has been very hungry lately, is anything going wrong?" Something like that, and go from there.