Over the past 4 years, I hve experienced a lot of pain. ?

Question

I lost someone close to me in a horrible death, and lost 2 people close to me as a result.

My boyf and I were very young and he couldnt deal with my emotions and we both had a lot of growing up to do.

I pushed him away and he started dating other people and this broke my heart even more.

I have always loved him and at times when I needed him I was alone.

When I needed someone or anyone, I was so alone. I had no friends. I tried and tried to reach out but it never worked. I struggled for years.

I overcame everything alone. I am a stronger person and my bf and I have reconciled and I do care about him very much.

I am so saddened by my whole experience. I am resentful. No one was around when I needed someone. He is here now, but he has no idea what I went through.

No one does and I just feel so alone still.

How can I overcome my sadness and being resentful of being ignored when I needed people the most?

Answer 1

You pushed him away, and he started dating other people. You were alone at least partly because of your own actions pushing him away. You said you both had a lot of growing up to do.

   Your resentment is misplaced. While you were apart you expected him to put his life on hold. You may still hold on to the jealousy that you felt back then, and this is not going to help at all. You need to work out this resentment either with him or with some kind of counselling. No relationship can work with jealousy and resentment lurking in the background.

    You need to put this behind you, and stop resenting and beating others (and yourself) up for things that took place a long time ago.

     You are back together. If you care for him then treasure the time you have with him NOW, and be "in the moment." People have a tendency to live in the past or the future, and spend little attention to what is happening now.

      There is only one moment that exists - THIS one. Treasure it while you have it - the past is gone and the future isn't here yet. Try to keep this in mind when you feel that resentment coming up. I can guarantee you will be much happier

Answer 2

what is the resentment about? who do you really resent? i understand you resent that you were alone..no one supported you. but did your bf get support? is that what you resent?

thats good that you are able to understand your own feelings so well..some people wouldnt be able to distinguish between anger or resentment or really pinpoint who and what it's directed at.

and i'm sorry for all that youve gone through. i'm not any professional or anything.

i dont know if this site will help but it has steps you can read and put into practice on letting go of resentment..there's really no easy way to overcome it..it will involve the work which can be painful to go through still when i know you just want to start feeling better already. from what ive read resentment and forgiveness go hand in hand if you want to overcome it..

http://www.coping.org/anger/resent.htm